Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Don't You Cry, You Know Your Daddy's Bound to Die
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Serge is Working?" (3)

"Beverly Hills Cop" was an extremely funny, and creative film. One of the characters, an interior designer by trade, was named "Serge" (pron. S-air-je). Frodo makes the homophobic comparison whenever he hears Senator John McCain (R-AZ) say "The Surge is Working." Frodo is convinced that McCain is playing "drop the soap" with the American people, and has merely proven that although he may not be not too old to be President of the United States, he is indeed too dumb.

23 American military personnel were killed in the month of December, 2007, as the result of hostile action in the Pre-Emptive War in the area sometimes called Iraq. That was a significant drop from the prior month, and from the corresponding month one year earlier. Given that the number of hostile actions similarly decreased, McCain and his political drinkers of the grape juice use this to demonstrate that they must be right, and that the logic of more troops to buy time for the "Iraqi Government" is the way to avoid "defeat."

Poppycock.

Frodo visualizes himself standing near a podium waiting for Senator McCain. He is determined to yell loud enough for the hard-of-hearing old man to hear him, and to stay in his face until he addresses Frodo's questions. This is how Frodo would word the question.

"Senator McCain, given your statements that US Forces should remain in Iraq 'as long as it takes,' and that 'the surge is working,' would you think it fair to say that if American casualties were reduced to, say, 15 in December of 2017, and 10 in December of 2027, that 'the surge' would still be considered to be working?"

There is no standard by which this tired, old man, a once noble and courageous warrior, can justify his pronouncements. Look at the number of dead this month, January, 2008.

Hush, little baby.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 AM EST

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Monday, January 28, 2008

Find Out What It Means to Me
Mood:

down
Topic: "Cartoon Characters" (3)

Cartoons don't seem to mean as much to as many people as they used to, thinks Frodo. There was a time when the very mention of the name Gahan Wilson brought a rush of recognition to every literate mind in all of Middle Earth. The NEW YORKER magazine won exposure outside the tiny isle of Manhattan because of the simple drawings and unforgettable captions. Who among us, says Frodo, can fail to recognize "I say it's Spinach, and I say to Hell with it."

In the quixotic twists and turns of Frodo's mind, the previous paragraph made Frodo think about some of the things that he really dislikes. That thought resulted in a review of his "likes and dislikes" identified in the homepage server of this blog. After a few house-cleaning amendments thereto, Frodo decided to make note of two events which critically address things which grind the posterior of Frodo.

The first is Silas Marner. Frodo was forced to read this pithy presentation while his hormones were expanding at an exponential rate. He cannot recall greater boredom than that which was felt as he laboriously turned each page and nailed it down so that it could never be reopened to again torment the psyche of the Hobbit. To this day, Frodo has taken an instant dislike to anyone with the name of "Silas," and he is convinced that George W. Bush looks more like the Silas Marner of his imagination than any living person.

The other thing(s) that Frodo dislikes are barristers. Frodo took great amusement in the wit of his old friend J. Delano who, while introducing a speaker to a group of businessmen, took note of the introductee's label as a "barrister." J. Delano promptly announced to the group that he was very sorry to hear that the speaker "did not have a daddy." The barrister was the only one who did not laugh, uproariously. From that day forward, every individual so engaged in the legal prostitution, er profession (truly Freudian on that typeset, wouldn't you say?), is dubbed "barrister" by Frodo.

Frodo is simply convinced that there is nothing wrong in Middle Earth that a physical reduction in the number of barristers could not cure. Imagine if the 35% of all the barristers to last pass "the bar" were removed from their "barrister" standing and had, immediately, to find real work. There is no shortage of "barristers," but there are crying needs for healthcare workers, maintenance people, and, of course, military and diplomatic personnel serving in the Middle East.

As he contemplates the culminating point in this mini-diatribe, Frodo has had a small epiphany. Silas Marner was a barrister.

Life isn't all that complicated, is it?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 AM EST

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Hadn'ta Been For Grayson, I'd Been in Tennessee
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "16 Percent Factor"(3)

16 Percent of those voters in South Carolina who voted in the Democratic Primary, and who also happened to be white males over the age of 60, and who would therefore be reasonably able to identify the words from the song identified in our Title, today cast their vote for Barack Obama. Dear reader, this means that 84% of this discernible group of voters voted for a white person. How this translates to a vision for the future depends on who is asking the question.

Frodo believes, that after everything else is said and done, that he is unable to identify a single white male over the age of 60 anywhere in America likely to vote in a Democratic Primary who will be added to the total already in support of Senator Clinton. The 16% of white males over 60 who voted for Obama in South Carolina are not likely cross-overs to Clinton (they voted for a black guy, for the love of Pete). All that remains as a possibility should Senator Clinton win the nomination is that she could gain from those old white male farts who voted for Edwards. Edwards, it has been assumed, gained votes in recent days in South Carolina from those predominantly white males over the age of 60 who had initially been attracted to Obama, and chickened out.

Caroline Kennedy has just announced that she will endorse Barack Obama in tomorrow's New York Times, as a "President Like My Father." South Carolina has just blown the doors off in the Democratic Primary victory for Barack Obama. His speech just now made Frodo cry, with hope.

Strom Thurmond just turned over.

Unless Thurmond is able to bring a bunch of dead old men with him from the Seventh Circle of Hell, then Frodo has an answer to his quest.

Frodo has long wondered who will pick up the sword.

Tonight he knows. The Ring is not as heavy as it was. But the road is rocky, and it passes through Tennessee, California, New York, Missouri, and yes dear reader, Georgia.

Yes we can.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:43 PM EST

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Paranoia Strikes Deep, Into Your Life It Must Creep
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Sir A Gut" (3)

Although Frodo feels very strongly about many things, it is a rare event when he takes a moral stand on the motivations of an individual. He has always respected the fact that human behavior results from a multitude of factors which are barely discernible, much less predictable. There are however, as in many aspects of life, exceptions which merit assessment. The conduct of a President of the United States while serving in that capacity, and for all the days that follow, is subject to certain expectations.

William Jefferson Clinton lied to a Grand Jury. In the same situation, Frodo would also have probably lied. It was, and remains, Frodo's position that a Man was trying to cover up his mistakes in order to spare the feelings of his wife, and his daughter. Frodo will never stand to justify the action, but he understands that people make mistakes, and in the case of an elected official, he must pay the legal price.

William Jefferson Clinton holds a special position of prominence in the Democratic Party. It is expected that he would stand, if asked, on behalf of the nominee of the Party, and, in fact, to campaign on behalf of any contender for the nomination. It is improper, if nothing else, for the former President to campaign against any contender for that nomination, even if that contender was running against his wife.

Frodo has stood and cheered, on many occasions almost all alone, on behalf of William Jefferson Clinton. It may be argued that William Jefferson Clinton could have accomplished even more had he not offered his personal conduct as a distraction during his term in office. Regardless, much of what resulted from his leadership has benefited our country, and indeed, the world. Criticism of his post-Presidency behavior is not something that Frodo puts forth lightly.

It is disheartening, if not embarrassing, to sit and watch as ambition blinds the conduct of otherwise good and noble people. The candidacy of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) for the Office of the Presidency is besmirched, in Frodo's eye, by the surrogate role played by the former President in his zeal to support his wife. His presentations, both in method and in content, are what we came to expect from people named Segretti, Mitchell, Ehrlichman, and Colson.

Frodo formally requests that William Jefferson Clinton let us get back on the high ground. Let the battle be fought so that the inevitable wounds can be treated as badges of courage, and not left as seeping sores infecting all of the body politic.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:59 PM EST

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Baby It's Cold Outside
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Bimini Babes" (3)

With the exceptions of Hawaii and Florida, every State in the Grand Union was reporting at least one temperature below 32 degrees, Fahrenheit. Frodo reminded himself of that news report when he heard that the record low this evening at Lake Lovey would fall somewhere below 9 degrees, Fahrenheit. The black-and-white is full of stories about Arctic air masses blowing into football stadiums and warnings about the amount of time it takes for frostbite to develop on unprotected derma. Frodo remembers his trip to Bimini.

Three boys from the College of the Shire piled into Frodo's Rambler Station Wagon and headed to the end of the highway. By the time they reached Valdosta, it was warm enough to open the windows. Two of them stripped almost nude, and just let the warm breezes blow across anatomical structures. By the time the Sun arose, they were beyond exhaustion and looking for girls. In Fort Lauderdale they struck paydirt.

A day or so later, a friend from the College of the Shire who was blessed by the Gods to live in Nirvana, told them about Bimini, the closest of the Bahama Islands to the US Border, and the fact that $25 would pay for a return plane ticket to this unknown Eden. A brief trip to the Blood Bank ensured that all three had sufficient resources to seek out the apple trees and serpents that surely inhabited this land where no one wore clothes. When finally they landed, and discovered that the 5-mile long island was only 50 yards wide, it did not take them long to figure out that the two roads, Kings Highway and Queens Highway, were each one way and pointing in separate directions. Their first assignment was to find the cheapest bar in town. That did not take very long.

The "End of the World Bar" had a hand-written sign afront with four misspelled words among the five total. Dear reader, it was supposed to say "Don't Spit on the floor." Frodo learned, somewhere between the fourth and fifth Mai-Tai, that the bar was a favorite haunt of two people known to him in infamy; Ernest Hemingway and Adam Clayton Powell. It was unlikely that Hemingway would appear that evening, but Frodo was thrilled to identify Adam Clayton Powell when he strolled into the bar, and promptly identified three suckers perhaps interested in providing him with free alcohol. Despite that fact, it was a hoot, and a helluva time.

Driving back up the long peninsula was done in 15-mile segments by three exhausted, and starving, college students, who drove all night just to get somehere close to the College of the Shire by the time that classes began again. Frodo cannot remember being cold again for at least another year. Tonight he wonders if anyone has ever changed the sign outside the "End of the World," or how much a Mai-Tai costs there these days.

Any current input would be appreciated.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EST

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Beechwood 4-5789, You Can Call Me Up For a Date Any Old Time
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "Cilled a Bar?" (3)

"D Boon Cilled a Bar On This Tree 1749."

The sentence above is a part of American History that Frodo fears means just a little bit less today than it did yesterday. Would you, dear reader, admit to the fact that you had absolutely no idea that messages such as this were almost always carved into the bark of beech trees? For it is true that Daniel Boone frequently inscribed his name into the soft bark of a beech tree, much in the same way that teenaged lovers in the Twentieth Century have done to catch the eye of any casual passerby. It has been estimated that no beech tree more than fifty years of age today remains free of a carving, generally not much more than initials inside a roughly-hewn heart. That is, of ourse, for the one known to Frodo and to Mick, the Wonder Dog.

The big beech tree stands alongside the road; minus several limbs sliced away by the local Power Company whenever they perceive a threat to an adjacent power line. Behind its grand base, and the hearts inscribed on its trunk, there stands another beech, hidden amongst the umbrella magnolias and the mountain laurel. Smaller it may be, but it is certainly at least 70 years of age, given its size, and the girth of its trunk. It has not felt the inscription of a knife, of any kind.

Frodo is very jealous of the condition of his noble friend, and he checks on it every time he wanders into the paths entering the deep woods. He feels a certin surreptitious satisfaction every time he notes the clear slate that helps to produce the chewy nut which cleansed the teeth of the Cherokee. His travelling companion, the noble Wonder Dog, also knows the spot, and seems to smile and laugh with Frodo as they stroll, side-by-side, into the woods of Frost, albeit without the flakes of frozen precipitation.

Suddenly, the Wonder Dog freezes into full alert, and Frodo catches a full view of the fluffiest of white tail he has seen in many days. Mick, the Wonder Dog, is tensed as the deer bounds into the gap at full speed. He determines that pursuit would be futile, but he holds his pose. He turns to Frodo, almost as if to say that the two of them should mark the spot. In their own way, the best of friends, do exactly that. They turn and walk away, side-by-side, with the last clean beech tree in all of the wild mountains behind them.

It stands there for you dear reader. To someday be observed, and recalled as the spot where two good friends once noted God's gift, and left it as it was found.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EST

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Friday, January 18, 2008

My Huckleberry Friend
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "States' Rahts" (3)

Frodo believes that a crime was committed several years ago. Although he has no proof, the circumstantial evidence is that the character portrayed as "Gomer Pyle, USMC" (who played the character of the same name in the "Andy Griffith Show") was separated at birth from his twin-brother, Governor Mike Huckabee (R-AR). In fact, Frodo believes that the bizarre behavior and public statements of this pseudo-Presidential contender reflect the assimilation of the image portrayed by Gomer #1.

Governor Huckabee, attempting Frodo believes to sound authentic to his potential constituentcy, had admitted to consuming squirrel meat prepared in a popcorn popper (Could anyone possibly make this up?). Gomer #2 stated that this occurred while he was in college, and reflected attempts to supplement his meager caloric intake at that time. Since the college would not allow students to "cook" in their rooms, he would use a popcorn popper to prepare the tree rodents for consumption. Frodo remembers the "Valley Girl"admonition, "Gag me with a spoon."

Now, Gomer #2 has entered the slippery slope of the South Carolina State Flag, and told his onlooking audiences that the presence of the St. Andrews Cross on the flag is not a matter of concern by anyone outside the State itself. It deserves special note that there weren't a whole lot of dark faces standing on the podium alongside Chuck Norris at this point. The insensitivity of a modern-day Huey Long or, from Arkansas history, Orval Faubus, offers no service to Twenty-first century America.

Frodo recalls that Gomer #1 had a pretty decent singing voice. He was reminded of that watching Gomer #2 play "Wild Thing" on his electric guitar. What concerns Frodo is that was a comedic actor who occasionally made sense. It was a Presidential candidate that drew the horse laugh.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 AM EST

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

I'd Rather Be a Sparrow Than a Snail
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "Geography Lesson" (3)

Frodo often thinks about places to rest. Front porches with rocking chairs have a certain appeal, and so do old trees with natural back rests contoured to fit Hobbits of any size. Sam has a "Florida Room" that overlooks the gardens of the Shire, and right now with a kerosene heater it offers a cozy retreat into over-stuffed reclining chairs. At other times of the year, a revolving fan makes sufficient breeze to disperse concentrated sunlight. A view, it seems to Frodo, has a lot to do with the attraction of a place to just sit. Other environmental factors also come into play.

The State of Georgia, for true, is bisected by what has been dubbed "the gnat line." Somewhere between the communities of Macon and Cordele, and extending from the Alabama border all the way to the Atlantic coast, the pesky little insects, tolerated by some and loathed by all, stake their claim to all that exists to the South. Frodo has walked in fields where he had been assaulted only when he got halfway across. It is as if, all of a sudden, he ambled into the jurisdiction of some alien life force who sought to defend its territory with the most terrible weapon at its disposal. Frodo cannot imagine trying to just sit and rest someplace permeated by such an interruption.

The reason that all of this comes to bare is that Frodo has been thinking about an extension of the Shire that will further minimize his exposure to cold weather. Lake Lovey provides a delightful haven, but certainly not in the depths of winter. The Shire has its home fires, but the dreaded onset of "cabin fever" affects Frodo after only a few days of inclement weather. Frodo needs a place to "sits and thinks" during Januarys and Februarys to come, but that also means that he exposes himself to the denizens on the other side of "the gnat line."

These are the kinds of situations where Frodo wishes somebody like Barack Obama could provide leadership. Problems should not be unsurmountable; there should always be hope that a solution to even the most confounding situation will eventually yield resolution. If not this problem, then maybe he can tackle our dependency on foreign oil.

Perhaps things will be clearer if Frodo just rests on it for a while.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EST

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Would You Be My Partner
Mood:

hug me
Topic: "Lonesome Frodo" (3)

Frodo will always be Frodo, but if Frodo were anyone else, ever, he would be Larry McMurtry. Somewhere in his life and times, Larry McMurtry got to know Pea-Eye, and Deets, Clara, Blue Duck, but most of all, he must've known Augustus and Woodrow. Frodo is very, very envious, and wishes that he could have spent even a single afternoon with the inspirations for the trilogy that began with "Lonesome Dove."

It is rare that Frodo watches a movie, then seeks out the book. Generally, it occurs in the obverse. The score behind the video still swells Frodo's eyes however, and he feels the saddle between his legs as he guides his horse down and across one more river on the way to Montana. Dust is everywhere, and he can smell blowing storms in the wind. Most of all, his friend rides beside him, the only constant in a wandering life. In all, it is a reality of time past and the way that others lived, but Frodo feels something deep inside that tells him these are feelings not unknown to his very soul.

Ah, but the book, the book paints an even different picture of who these people were, and the characters actually soar beyond the unforgettable performances of Tommy Lee Jones, James Garner, Robert Duvall, Anjelica Huston. Indeed, as Augustus meets his end in Miles City he labels the times they had as a "party." Then the trek begins, back to Lonesome Dove, when two friends travel together for the last time; a promise kept.

Legolas and Frodo have difficulty talking about friendship. They often call each other "Cap'n," knowing that each understands the inference in his own way, without some psychological evaluation of the circumstances.

Another segment of "Comanche Moon," the prequel in the trilogy, will be on the black-and-white in a few moments. Although not nearly as moving as its predecessors, there is an aura which draws Frodo to prepare for the looming Comanche attack. There is also a conflict with coverage of the political debate in Las Vegas.

No there isn't. Woodrow needs someone to cover his back.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:33 PM EST

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

My Future Lies Beyond The Yellow Brick Road
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)

The Brotherhood of the Ring was formed to defeat Sauron's quest for possession of the Ring itself. Destroying the Ring, by casting it into the fires at Mount Doom, was the task taken by Frodo and his friends when no one else seemed willing to step forward. Overcoming the fears of all the Citizens of Middle Earth, the Brotherhood helped to unite all of Man in a struggle against great evil. It is not to be taken lightly therefore when Frodo takes umbrage with the sanity of some of those who share our small, blue planet. The following however is a reflection of people whose clocks are wound far too tightly.

In the Old Testament, the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 35, there is a reference in the text to "God's holy highway." A group of parishoners in Texas (surprise, surprise, surprise) have determined that this reference happens to correspond in logic to Interstate 35 (I-35, as in Isaiah 35), which runs north-and-south from Texas up to Minnesota. They righteously believe that the Interstate should be legislatively addressed as the "Holiness Highway," in much the same manner that certain aspects of the Interstate Highway System are dubbed for persons, events, or other significant references. The source of this belief is that 7000 years ago God, obviously, was instructing the righteous as to what they needed to do once Texas had joined the Colonies after obtaining its freedom from Mexico. It should be noted however, that God would've been very unhappy had this occurred while Texas was in an insurgent state before the end of the Civil War.

Frodo knows about all of this because he watches CNN. Frodo believes CNN is actually the "Christian News Network," and that everything he hears there is actually the word of God. People who complain about CNN are therefore not righteous, and they will be required to spend all of eternity watching re-runs of the New Hampshire Primary.

Frodo has never followed a single lane of the sacred trail to Canada. Somehow he always looked at that direction as being God forsaken.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:56 PM EST

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