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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, October 7, 2012
I Ran All The Way Home
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Newest Friend"(8)

There are many lessons in life, and Frodo has tried very hard not to repeat his errors.  Invariably, when he fails to learn from his own history, he creates obstacles which dwarf Hoover Dam.  Or sometimes it just feels like it.

Newest Friend is a handsome lad.  His tri-colors are smooth and silky, neither too long nor too short.  There are small flecks of white at the very tip of his long and gracefully twisting tail, and his noble head brings to mind the ebony that graced the countenance of Shaka Zulu.  There is a collie-colored brown on each of his feet, interspersed with his white socks and spots thereon.  His cognomen plays true to his bearing as a "dandy."  He will, for editorial purposes alone, be referred to here as the Newest Friend.

Frodo has forgotten that ten months of canine existence represent the absolute peak of curiosity and exhuberance.  Plantlife, religiously treated until now, lies scattered about the Shire.  Multi-colored bruises arise, ominously, from the conflagrations of Hobbit skin and shiny front teeth.  Voices grow hoarse from repetitive phraseology including words like "come," "sit," and, of course, "No."

There is a personality, and a purpose.  The latter being to take note of, to chase, perchance to capture, every single squirrel resident on this slope of the Continental Divide.  On four occasions, so far, there has been such breakaway pursuit.  It has ended, so far, with an endurance effort by the Hobbit to regain possession before tragedy strikes.

Frodo has always been successful in his efforts to train his canine associates, but now, as time destroys his weaponry, he must admit to the need for some professional help. 

What comes to mind is the relationship between the late and lamented Princess Fiona, "the most beautiful girl in the world," and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  They had each other as foils whenever the Hobbit failed to meet their collective needs for attention.  Sam, evidently, agrees with Frodo, and has already begun to implment  ideas about what to name what follows.  Sam has been concerned that Frodo may simply collapse on the byways of the Shire in pursuit of similar long-distance efforts generally afforded to Ethiopians who have not eaten in the past two years.

Perhaps the lesson is simple enough, and just maybe the Hobbit isn't as forgetful of struggles long past as alleged.  Maybe having two new friends was part of a "stragedy."  Let's just not mention that to Sam.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, October 7, 2012 9:43 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Higher Than Any Bird Ever Flew
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Worst Candidate Ever"(8)

George McClellan.

That is the answer to the question presented to "Carnac the Magnificent" by his friend, the Hobbit.  The question itself was to name any candidate for a nationally-elected position with less capability for meeting the requirements thereto than Willard Mitt Romney?

George McClellan was fired, twice, by Abraham Lincoln.  Despite an overwhelming differential in strength, McClellan was slow to move in order to take advantage over opposing rebel forces.  Rather than "take the advice of his commanders in the field," Lincoln kept replacing McClellan until he found a general, Ulysses Grant, who could humble the gallantly under-manned rebels.  McClellan, who held himself in much higher esteem, decided to accept the Democratic Nomination to oppose President Linccoln in the election of 1864.

McClellan took on a President whose entire administration was devoted to preserving the Union, and winning a horrible war.  McClellan should have beaten the incumbent, simply because, he argued, it was taking too long and was costing too much.   Many stories have been told of the enmity that developed between the two, but uppermost was Lincoln's opinion of a warrior who would not fight, and who let caution be his guide.

Lincoln narrowly defeated McClellan.  As the war ended of course, Lincoln lost his life, and McClellan, well, he was elected Governor of New Jersey.

It is hard to say which one suffered the most. 

There's always Mexico, Mitt.

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:30 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, October 2, 2012 8:34 PM EDT
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Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Who Are You, Who, Who?
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "A Three Hour Tour"(8)

"Hurry Mr. Frodo, you'll want to see this story about  this Richard Nixon lookalike on the black-and-white," said Sam.

"Richard Nixon?  Sam, that's not Richard Nixon, but I certainly understand why you felt it was.  I think it is someone dressed as the cartoon character General Halftrack, Commander of Camp Swampy in Beetle Bailey.  Youy know, the commander who was so insignificant that he never heard from the Pentagon."

"Ha Mr. Frodo, very funny, but you have to admit that whoever it is, he certainly looks like the proverbial 'deer in the headlights'."

"I've got it, don't you recognize him as the character played by Jim Backus on 'Gilligan's Island'?"

"You mean the one who was married to Lovie?"

"Thurston Howell III, for sure."

"You know Mr. Frodo, what bothers me is that this guy will receive millions of votes to be President of the United States."

"Well, even worse is the fact that just four short years after the Administration of the Incomparable Moron, the GOP produces the worst major party nominee for the office in anyone's memory."

"Yeah, and the inescapable evidence happens on the 225th Anniversary of the Constitution of the United States." 

"Do you think Sarah Palin would be smart enough to play Ginger?"

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:14 AM EDT
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Saturday, September 15, 2012
Still Crazy, After All These Years
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Stragedy" (8)

David Ignatius of the Washington Post is a quiet thinker.  Frodo enjoys his reporting, and often irritates people around him by silencing the entire room when Ignatius speaks.  Of late, Mr. Ignatius has been provided access to communiques (E-mail, that is) received or initiated by the late, and unlamented, Osama bin Laden.  Listening to Ignatius discuss his findings with Chris Matthews the other day, Frodo picked up a factoid which deserves, for many reasons, to be passed on amongst all who reside in Middle Earth.

Bin Laden was personally irritated by the descriptive "War on al Qaeda" as opposed to a "War on  Islam".  Bin Laden was noted to comment frequently that the President of the United States had managed to shift the nature of the struggle away from the continuing objective as defined by bin Laden, and bin Laden was urging his associates to shift the mind-set back to a "War on Islam."

Frodo notes the outbreak of violence against the West by extremist factions throughout the Arab world these past few days, and wonders if bin Laden's words might not be echoing back from that location where he now "sleeps with the fishes."  Quixotic it may be that at the same time, there are those, relying entirely on an absence of fact, who may be seeking to argue that the President of the United States created a "War on Islam."

Mr. Ignatius has evidence to the contrary.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:34 AM EDT
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Monday, September 3, 2012
Burn Baby Burn
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Texas Exes" (8)

Every once in a while something preposterous strikes the attention of Frodo requiring him to put his considerable editorial efforts to work for the sake of institutional clarity.  Perhaps, in 10,000 years or so, someone, or something, takes note of what follows herein, and feels the presence of a lightbulb brightening the path.

Jennelle Carrillo, according to her attorney, Michael Wash, in order to observe a Dallas Cowboys scrimmage, sat down upon a bench outside the Cowboys Stadium and Mausoleum created by Dallas owner Jerry Jones.  A weather official stated that the outside temperature was 101 degrees when she made her unfortunate decision to rest thereon.  The black marble bench was located in full sunlight.  There were no warnings posted as to the advisability of such reckless action under such severe conditions.

A year later, the woman filed suit against the Cowboys, and Jerry Jones, alleging that she did not realize the extent of burns to her buttocks until she received medical attention.  Treatment included hospitalization and skin grafts.

Long-time readers know that Frodo is no fan of either Jerry Jones, the Dallas Cowboys, Texas, barristers, or people with a "sore ass."  His challenge would be, were he so inclined, to rule against all parties involved.  He would do so however, only after learning of the physical location source for the skin grafts

Are ya ready for some football? 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 AM EDT
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Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Those Were The Days My Friend, We Thought They'd Never End
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "RNC--2036"(8)

"Good Morning from the scene of the 2036 Republican National Convention, and Welcome to 'Morning Willie.'  I'm your co-host, Willie Geist."

"Joining us on the set today is Mika Brzenski, who was the original co-host on our predecessor show 'Morning Joe.'  Mika is joining us this morning to help commemorate the final appearance of Joe Scarborough at this same point in the 2016 campaign and the unfortunate accident which brought about the untimely demise of our old friend and colleague."

"Good Morning Willie.  I still can't believe it's been 20 years."

"Well, neither can former Governor Chris Christie."

"Can we play the tape back one more time?"

"Here it is, see Joe pulling out the chair for Governor Christie and how he slipped ever so slightly on the grease from the taco the Governor had been eating.  Who'd have ever believed that someone would be crushed to death on our set like that?"

"On to happier times, Willie, didn't I hear you talking with your guest yesterday, the wise and wonderful Mr. Frodo, about the most bizarre coverage of a Republican Convention in your memory?"

"Oh indeed, and we all agreed it was the 2012 Convention but it was Mr. Frodo who made us remember especially why it was so bizarre."

"2012.  That was Willard Mitt Romney, the Harold Stassen of modern political candidacy, wasn't it?"

"Correctomundo, did you remember any of the specifics recalled by the Hobbit?"

"Well, it didn't take me long to recall Anne Romney's proclamation that the theme  song of the GOP should be 'All We Need is Love,' and to be followed simply minutes later by Governor Christie who decried that dedication and replaced it with "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means to Me."

"That made the whole world aware of the fact that Romney couldn't even get his surrogates to sing the same tune."

"Well, how do you think Anne Coulter will do in this current race for the Republican nod.?"

"I was kind of wondering if she might pull out a chair for Christie when he appears on our show tomorrow?"

"I'll bring donuts."  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:59 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 25, 2012
Rocket Man
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Wink at the Moon"

There is a bright and beautiful half moon in the skies over the Shire this eve.  Frodo and Newest Friend stood side-by-side, one looking for squirrels, the other doing as suggested by the family of one whom Frodo never knew.  Frodo tried to explain to Newest Friend why the man named Armstrong was so important, and why Frodo felt that a "wink at the Moon" was something he would rather do, recognizing that squirrels in the tree-tops deserve attention, too.

Frodo took a picture that night long ago with an extremely complicated camera which captured images to be shown on a slide projector.  He followed the instructions of "Uncle Walter," so that he could forever capture the moment about which more than 40 billion humanoid eyes had dreamed throughout the Ages.  The moment in July, 1969, when Frodo, his sister, and both his parents joined all the world on the cathode ray tubes that satisfied dreams and deeds beyond all the achievements of Man and Hobbit alike.

Frodo has no idea where that slide is this night.  It matters not, for he will always remember where he was and what was said.  May he also remember winking at the Moon, and the rustling of squirrels in the treetops of the Shire, standing there with Newest Friend, of whom much remains unsaid.   

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:13 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 26, 2012 11:26 AM EDT
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Thursday, August 9, 2012
Everything's Gonna Be All Right
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Joe Soptic" (8)

Joe the Plumber was a guy who really bugged Frodo.  Given his experience even listening to the misinformation provided by this cartoon character, it is not surprising that Frodo is very hesitant to pay homage to first-person testimonials on political issues.  However, when Eric Erickson, Rush Limbaugh, and Ann Coulter apparently simultaneously lose the capacity to formulate Frodo has to take a closer look.

What he learned was that Willard Mitt's speechwriter, who held the same position in behalf of John McCain, had noted that the topical former steelworker would have been eligible for affordable healthcare had he been a resident of Massachusetts and "RomneyCare," and that perhaps his wife would also have survived her terminal cancer.  This in response to a soon-to-be issued advertisement chastizing Romney for the typically heartless activity which made Romney a gazillionaire in the first place.  The conservative harpies attacked the employment status of the speechwriter, utilizing words like "moron" to describe the apparently unapproved statements.  Almost immediately the argument was made that this was simple back-tracking by Willard Mitt, and was an approved statement after all.

By dawn's early light nearly all of the talking heads, including those routinely supporting the President, were condemning the fact that anyone would use a campaign add to purloin the reputation of a candidate.  No one, Frodo supposes, remembers the "Swift Boat" assault on John Kerry. 

Frodo wishes to back-up just a few entries and remind you, dear reader, he has taken the position in support of the principle that a drowning opponent should be thrown an anchor, not a life preserver.  Even if, and Frodo is not so stating, there are flaws in the story, how will Coulter, Limbaugh, and Erickson clarify their positions before the American electorate? 

Joe Soptic looks like a guy who has been dealt one of the bad hands evident in the lives of so many.  He differs from Joe the Plumber in that he simply characterizes the thought that Willard Mitt doesn't comprehend the price that others pay when you sacrifice your soul for a few sheckels.  For that reason, Frodo is comfortable with what has been said.        


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 5, 2012
Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Adjusting the Clock"(8)

There is a point in the story of Forrest Gump whereby the protagonist takes out a'walkin', and a'walkin', and a' walkin', and just when it seems he can't go any further, he turns around and walks back.  Frodo admits to the fact that he never really understood that part of the story, so he decided to concentrate on whether or not life was simply a box of chocolates.  That is, until the loss of Mick, the Wonder Dog.  Frodo finds himself walking almost everywhere alone, and when he reaches an appropriate location he simply turns around and walks back the way he came.

Frodo used to talk to that dog a lot during their walks together.  Most of the time Frodo found that the conversations, although somewhat one-sided, were very helpful in overcoming the challenges of Mount Doom.  It is not surprising is it that the Hobbitt continues his conversations, even though he now walks alone?  Frodo notes that innocent passersby view him with the glances of one who sees the need to protect his children from the older gentleman talking to himself.  Perhaps that is why Frodo keeps walking further and further from the Shire, a la Forrest Gump?

That dog adopted Frodo while Frodo was still comparatively young, and they seemed to age together.  Now Frodo is confronted with another great challenge, he will probably age even faster than the one who will eventually follow.  Can he put another through the same heartbreak, or should he run the risk of an older companion who leaves him as emotionally bereft as these past few days have done.

Sam suffers too, but it is not the same.  Sam is perfectly content to wait for the proper set of circumstances and fails to see that Frodo's very being is challenged.  It is likely that it will be October at the earliest before the void in the Shire is filled by a new companion for the Hobbit.  They will be days of interminal length, and paths that lead endlessly across the land bridge of the Bering Strait perhaps, and back again.

Perhaps Bilbo left such a message for Frodo, and back again.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:20 PM EDT
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Friday, July 27, 2012
So I Have To Say I Love You In a Song
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Quittin' Time" (8)

At 6:15 this morning there was no sound of toenails on the floor.  In truth, for the first time in 38 years there was no canine presence to waken Frodo and begin him on his way.  So Frodo took a cup of coffee with him and paid a visit to Mick, the Wonder Dog.

At 5:00 o'clock PM yesterday, the magnificent heart finally stopped beating and the silence was deafening.  There was no discomfort, not a whimper, just the cessation of respiration to go with the reflective eyes and the sheer bulk of a lifeless body.  It was a moment that Frodo knew was imminent.

A cureless disease had spread its tentacles into the cognitive and control systems, causing imbalance and insecurity in the noble friend of Frodo.  Still, he struggled on to meet each and every assignment and requirement of life in the Shire.  He was meticulous, and the fact that an accident would occur even under these circumstances was abhorrent to him.  What troubled him was that there was no other to whom he could transfer responsibility for the care and protection of the Hobbits, except for a cat and a bird, but that was not the same and he knew it.

Frodo spoke to his friend this morning and assured him that there will be another, but Sam will need some time.  It was with Sam that he would sit upright in the rear seat of the old station wagon and cast his noble head into the cool wind that launched his ears like gossamer wings.  Frodo's search will commence immediately, apparently with great care for the legacy that will be preserved, intact.  Frodo then turned to other graves, and told them that Mick, the Wonder Dog, was now there to join in their games.  Frodo, he assured them, will someday follow.

This day will be spent arranging and beautifying that priceless ground.  It will always reflect upon the good hearts that there lay.  That, notes Frodo, is all that he can do to treat a broken heart.  That, and to hold Sam closely and mix their tears together.

Adieu little brother.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, July 27, 2012 9:11 AM EDT
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