Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Friday, April 1, 2005

I Love the Smell of Napalm in the Morning
Mood:

mischievious
Topic: "Preemptive Invasion"
President George W. Bush today declared the War on Drugs as "Mission Accomplished." Standing amidst a field of poppies in Flanders, President Bush acknowledged the unfortunate destruction of nearby villages and towns and the loss of innocent lives. "These places with strange sounding names like Brussels and Ghent have been clearly documented as sources of fields of poppies all the way back to the days before World War I."
The President went on to say "Our nation owes a debt of gratitude to the irrefutable evidence amassed by the Intelligence Agencies and the Department of Defense."

Reacting to criticism by wimpy Judges and misguided Social Security recipients, President Bush noted that the Belgian Government had failed to respond to numerous telephone calls from the newly-selected President of the World Bank. "Mr. Wolfowitz dialed 411 all evening trying to get the name and phone number of the Head of State. He left message after message, and no one chose to respond. The United States had no choice but to protect her National Security by averting the imminent shipment across our national border of Narcotics of Mass Delusion."

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan met in emergency session with US Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice. Secretary Rice provided the Secretary General with a copy of a poem, dated 1918, which, she stated afterwards, convinced the Secretary General that there were fields of poppies growing in Belgium.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced his Governments' "complete and thorough" support for the strike against this "rogue state." German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder noted that his Country had attempted similar action twice before, and he applauded the "Coalition" victory. "President Bush, acted" he said "in the tradition of strong leaders bent on making the trains run on time and keeping the homeland secure against inferiors."

It is the First of April, isn't it?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EST

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Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Supremes Rock
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Souter Rules, Dude"
Grokster, the software maker that allows Internet users to share computer files, got some positive vibes during their showdown with the Hollywood studios and the recording industry before the Supreme Court of the United States.

Check out the following from the mouth of Justice David Souter, the least technically minded of the Justices, who still drafts his opinions by hand on a legal pad.

". . .envision a guy sitting in his garage inventing the iPod. I know perfectly well that I can buy a CD and put it on my iPod, but I also know if I can get (tunes) without buying them, I'm going to do so." Imagine Mr. Spicolli at Ridgemont High giving the "Judge Guy" a "high-five" on that admission! Souter went on to ask "How do we give the developer the confidence to go ahead. . .why isn't a foregone conclusion from the outset that the guy in the garage is going to lose his shirt?"

In briefs as "friends of the court," allies in technology industries and civil liberties organizations have depicted file-sharing as useful, if not vital, means of expanding knowledge by archiving lawful material in the public domain. Grokster is asking the Court to look at all uses of file-sharing, not just the downloading of Snoopy Dogg Doo (or something like that). The Bush Administration (Why am I not surprised?) believes the Court should focus on the actual documented use of the software.

I wonder if Jenna has a thing with Snoopy?

How cool is this picture? There's Souter, leaning back in his big ole chair, with his iPod dangling down inside his robe, checking out Beyonce in all her glory. Don't forget Ruth Bader dude, she'll "Fifty Cent", and keep the change.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Saving Private Ryan
Mood:

special
Topic: "Patsy for America"
The 82nd Airborne ships out again.

How many times must the cannonball fly until they are forever banned? How many times Lord have America's Mothers kissed their sons good-bye and turned to you for an answer to this special question?

Frodo stands, silently whispering a prayer, for the safe and swift return of Private Ryan to his family, and especially to his Mother. Let the Gold Star on this post be the only such symbol in either life.

With dignity, and with courageous resolve, another American family faces the uncertainty of war that was never necessary. Damn those responsible for placing them in this maelstrom.

Frodo promises Patsy that he will do what he can to help her destroy the ring. All of us in Middle Earth are with Private Ryan.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:37 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 29, 2005

We Are All The Same, A Story of a Boy's Courage and a Mother's Love
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "Nkosi"
Jim Wooten, The Penguin Press, 2004

"We are all the same. We are not different from one another. We all belong to one family. We love and we laugh, we hurt and we cry, we live and we die. Care for us and accept us. We are all human beings. We are normal. We have hands. We have feet. We can walk, we can talk--and we have needs just like everyone else. Don't be afraid of us. We are all the same."--Nkosi Johnson, Durban, South Africa.

Today, one in five Africans is Zulu. They are much different from the tribal warrior society chronicled in SHAKA ZULU. After the Colonial Powers assumed power in South Africa, the Zulu were relegated to roles as herdsmen or to subsistence farming. The Colonials built mills and opened mines to take advantage of the natural resources of the tribal lands. The Colonials needed workers, and the Zulu needed work. The problem was location.

Zulu men left their family units to go to where the mines and the mills were located. Long absences broke down the family units. Alcohol and prostitution plagued the men in the company shantytowns that housed them. Women and children grew up in poverty with few providing men around.

The plague that is AIDS infected Nkosi before he was even born. He was sentenced to an early death before he drew his first breath. The ABC News correspondent Jim Wooten got to know this remarkable young man. He has written a journalists' account of this short, but valuable, life. The book carries reviews by Ben Bradlee, David Halberstam, Jim Lehrer, Roger Wilkins, and Bob Woodward.

The story goes beyond Nkosi to include "Mummy Gail." A human being who was touched by the tragedy around her, and who has subordinated her life to doing what governments and arrogance seem to have erased from our collective being.

Frodo learned that his preconceived notions about problems on the other side of his world were dead wrong. Frodo saw that not every ignorant politician is from Texas.

Read this book, Nkosi.

"Nkosi" is Zulu for "Kinsman."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST

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Monday, March 28, 2005

Pass the Biscuits, Mirandy!
Mood:

silly
Topic: "Polish or Polish?"
Does it surprise anyone that there is a new Diet Plan which is all the rage, in Poland? So help me, this dude with overly wavy hair has written a book which prescribes a High Fat Diet. 250 grams of Fat, per day, is the guideline. A four egg omelet, three rashers of bacon, toast, with butter, and a glass of whole cream would comprise about 25% of the minimum Fat content so prescribed daily.

Chicago is the center of activity for the Diet in America. One lady testified to the fact that she had gone from a "size 14" to a "size 4" following the Diet. She was observed with a plateful of pierogies and other assorted yeasty fare one associates with Poles.

The truth is I have never met a Polish person who in anyway resembles a Pole. Frodo has been in many places, and Polish people always seem to be just past middle age, and bulging at the seams. My old buddy, Joe Rakowski from Philly, had been a Marine in his younger days, and was probably the closest to a Polish Adonis in my experience. Even in the Olympics, the only Polish athletes I remember were weightlifters or shotputters. John Paul, the old guy who is the current Pope, looks like most Polish guys I have ever known (just a bit more feeble, however).

There was once, however, a Polish Princess. I imagine even she is now overweight and a serious candidate for the new Diet. Frodo thinks it is terribly unfair that someone should prey on the public without divulging that the 250 grams a day of Fat is actually a 50% reduction from the present intake by the typical Polish participant. It is sort of similar to George Bush telling Frodo to privatize his Social Security account.

Have you ever considered that every other nationality is an adjective, while Polish stands alone as a noun? We have CHINESE food, FRENCH kisses, and ITALIAN marble for example, but we have a jar of shoe POLISH. Or is it polish?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Oh, What a Web We Weave
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Pickled Cabbage?"
www.Petrovka38.ru
Now there is a Web site you don't see everyday! The City of Moscow has initiated an interactive Web site where concerned citizens can file complaints about cops, traffic, and the law. "The police should be thrown out with the morning trash," one motivated contributor wrote. "The forum is being monitored, and the suggestions are being taken into consideration," said Pavel Klimosky a Deputy Police Chief and Coordinator of the Web site.

On March 9th, "Yelena" posted that as she and her husband were leaving the Moscow subway they came across a police officer harassing a group of elderly women selling pickled cabbage (Note that in Atlanta the scene may be much the same except the street vendors would be teenagers marketing T-shirts). "Yelena" wrote that she was shocked to see a policeman yell at the old ladies, then kick their buckets, sending pickled cabbage flying. "The cabbage and pickles doused my husband's pants. . .I demanded to know the officer's name and badge number, but he just told me to (expletive deleted)!," said "Yelena."

Shocked as Frodo may be, he is also aware that a Cop in Houston would probably have emptied his Glock into one of the little old ladies after kicking her bucket.

There might just be something to this interactive crime fighting. The technology brings the whole world closer together, and Frodo can see the day when the local Johnny Cochranski would follow the first ambulance to the scene on behalf of an aggrieved class of individuals whose clothing had been soiled by pickled cabbage. Even worse, of course, would be Jerbaldo Reiverinschev on behalf of CCPTV News giving "fair and balanced" reporting from the scene.

And they said they were going to bury us.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Playing Solitaire 'til Dawn With a Deck of 51
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "Many happy returns"
Frodo always does his own income tax return. It is a matter of pride. It is a rite of spring. It is a test of the self-assessment system. It is first-hand experience with bureaucracy. It is something else I do that George W. Bush is not bright enough to do (that brings the cumulative total to 1,329).

In Florida, it is not uncommon to walk into an IRS office, and find the waiting room packed with elderly people. Mind you, there are many questions to be asked, but there is something unique at work. Watching closely, note that once an individual's "number" is called, and they come to the counter with their question, they often return to the waiting area after taking another number. There they wait until called again. This may continue for several hours.

Frodo once asked a gentleman about this puzzle, and learned that when one doesn't have anything else to do, why not challenge your mind with the tax laws of our nation? Besides, you meet nice people, your own age, and if you play your cards right, you might get lucky.

Frodo admires "yankee ingenuity," and hopes that all efforts at tax reform fail miserably. By the way, the gentleman finally left, with a new friend, and she looked hot.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EST

Updated: Tuesday, March 22, 2005 8:46 PM EST

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Monday, March 21, 2005

The Man Who Would be King
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Water into Wine?"
Absent a loaf of bread or a creel of fishes, Senator Bill Frist performed what is, by every conceivable measure, a miracle. This Medical Doctor by training transferred all of his thoracic surgical skill into the world of Neurology. After examining a videotape for less than an hour, he was able to cast professional doubt on the diagnoses of virtually hundreds of medical personnel. He, obviously, had been touched.

Senator Frist laid his hands upon the TV monitor, and pronounced Ms. Terry Schiavo as something more than one recused in a vegetative state. This was justification for an unprecedented assault on the procedural rights process defined by a sovereign State.

Senator Frist was not heard to comment on the Republican Party memo which identified this situation as a "political opportunity" for the Republican Party. Senator Frist was already in transit to Percy Priest Lake to practice parting the waters.

Frodo remembers a story from a long time ago. It was about a disciple who was told that he would deny the truth on three occasions before the rooster crowed. He argued vehemently that he would always stand for the truth, no matter what the cost. Alas, he heard the crowing rooster as the final denial fell from his lips. Senator Frist may want to reflect on his role by asking for wisdom before running his mouth and proving its' absence.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:50 PM EST

Updated: Tuesday, March 22, 2005 8:37 PM EST

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

There's a Parallel Here, Just Think About It.
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Man's Best Friend?"
The Governor of the State of Georgia is Sonny Perdue. He is the first Republican elected to that position in over 132 years. Governor Perdue was formerly a Democrat. Governor Perdue was probably separated at birth from his identical twin, "Curly" of the Three Stooges.

Governor Perdue was a veterinarian in private life. Frodo has always liked and admired veterinarians.

Governor Perdue recently performed an operation to neuter a male dog that was half-Shepherd and half-Rottweiler. The purpose of the 45-minute operation, supposedly, was to publicize the need for all pet owners to have their pets spayed or neutered. A noble purpose, or so it seems.

Frodo could not help but note that the Governor kept referring to the patient as a Democrat. I suppose we should all be more than just a little wary of politicians making decisions about the way we live our lives, or end them.

One of our esteemed Congressional Representatives, Phil Gingrey, who is a physician, was formerly a State Senator (Frodo's State Senator to be precise). When he cast his vote to maintain the State Flag with the Cross of St. Andrews on prominent display, Frodo contacted him. Frodo stated that such a position was hurtful to anyone wanting to relocate a business to Georgia, and therefore hurtful to the State. He agreed with me, but told me he voted the way he did because it was "what a majority of the voters in my district want." I told him he was a disappointment.

Today, the same guy votes against "what a majority of the voters in my district want." He votes against 61% of that population to pursue this family issue thing in Florida. I suppose he developed a conscience because Frodo called him a disappointment.

Frodo regrets that Gingrey is not half-Shepherd and half-Rottweiler.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:32 PM EST

Updated: Monday, March 21, 2005 8:57 PM EST

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

'Tis an Ill Wind That Blows
Mood:

smelly
Topic: "To Arms, To Arms"
John Oxendine, the Insurance Commissioner for the State of Georgia announced today that he was withdrawing from the race for Lieutenant Governor. Two candidates remain on the Republican side; one of whom is a Mr. Cagle, supported by many in the banking community. The other candidate is Ralph Reed. There is an announced Democrat, but his name is not even familiar to Frodo, and I read this stuff.

Georgia is an open primary State, so it would have been possible for every voter with an IQ greater than their age to vote in the Republican Primary and cast a vote against Reed. This is, quite obviously, a political deal for Oxendine. "You don't run against Ralph, and the Party faithful will support you for some other plum in the near future."

There will be deals galore to elevate Reed to the lone runner spot, figuring that an anonymous Democrat in a "Red" State would be no challenge. This is a threat to freedom. Frodo is open to the suggestions of the wise and the wonderful. How do we head off the election of one who is so evil?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST

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