Topic: "Six Days on the Road"
9/22. On September 22nd, 2005, along Interstate 45 in the State of Texas, Republic of Mexico (ed. note, Frodo refuses to recognize the Peace Treaty by which Texas allegedly became US property), the biggest traffic jam in world history took place. Stretching approximately 100 miles from the greater Houston area toward the nothingness of Central Texas was the Evacuation Plan of the crack Governor of Texas, Trooper Rick Perry.
With Hurricane Rita approaching as a Category 5 Storm, Texas State officials enacted their natural disaster evacuation plans, and promptly stranded thousands of citizens directly in the path of danger. Given the daytime temperatures in the 100 degree realm, and the absence of gasoline re-fueling capacity, cars overheated, ran out of gas, and traffic was further estopped.
Governor Perry commented that he thought the evacuation was "proceeding successfully." Shortly thereafter a bus overheated, burst into flames, and exploded. 24 elderly passengers in the bus were burned to death.
Frodo notes that subsequent to the 9/11 debacle, the Exalted Grand Poobah of Domestic Reform found reason to create the Office of Homeland Obscurity. By fusing a myriad of independent, and often unrelated, agencies together he created a bureaucracy even greater than the State of Texas (in the Republic of Mexico). Among the agencies lumped together in the fight against terrorism were those charged with prosecuting counterfeiters, those responsible for providing small business loans to businesses victimized in areas of volcanic activity, and those charged with the agricultural inspection of bananas. It is, of course, the Department of Homeland Obscurity which bears responsibility for the Federal Government's planning and implementation of public safety and evacuation procedures during national emergencies.
Frodo is pleased to report that the Office of Homeland Obscurity has prevented the illegal importation of any spoiled bananas into the areas ravaged by Hurricane Katrina.
Employees of the Office of Homeland Obscurity do not have the same rights as all other employees of the Federal Government. The argument was made that these typists and clerks were critical to the safety of our nation, and therefore should not have the right to organize as a union. Lumping so many employees into the cornucopia agency guaranteed the weakening of the labor movement among federal employees.
Frodo asks his readers to take out a piece of paper, number from one to ten, and list all of the positive accomplishments of the Department of Homeland Obscurity which come to mind. You have fifteen minutes.
Give up? Please note that if you have more than five entries on the page you qualify for the "Les Nessman Silver Sow Award." Your trophy will be presented at the White House. Karl Rove will kiss you on the lips.