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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Hail to the Redskins, Fight For Old DC!
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Big Time Sports" (3)

Frodo has been considering the similarities between sports and politics.  This came to mind when he realized that, for the first time, a political candidate is a walking advertisement for a major college sports presence.  If all other factors were equal, given the predisposition to college football in the American South, it would seem quite likely that all of the popular vote in and around Tuscaloosa, Alabama, would go to Senator O'Bama!  Of course, there would also probably be a great deal of resistance to his candidacy in and around the plains of Auburn.

Mitt Romney had to have been a cheerleader.  Frodo delights in making mockery of Romney's multitudinous positions on the same issues, depending only to whom he is speaking.  Frodo's best impersonation of Mitt is when he stands, hands on hips, and begins to chant "Lean to the left, Lean to the right, stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!"  

The "cuts" are already beginning from the try-outs for the Presidency.  Tommy Thompson has acknowledged a lack of traction in his campaign, as have Duncan Hunter and Ron Paul on the Republican side of the ledger.  Democrat Mike Gravel is increasingly less visible; which means that he is almost invisible.  For these players there is no "Junior Varsity" to snap them up and develop them for the next political season.

Football coaches spend countless hours examining video of practices, previous games by their opponents, and reviews of their own just concluded games.  This allows the development of "stragedy," and a "game plan" so that "victory" is assured.  That does sound a little bit like a speech by a football coach who hasn't won a single game, or a failed President, doesn't it?  Frodo has developed an acronym for the political party which constantly seems to foster this approach to the future.  He calls them the "GIP."

The "Good Ideas Party (GIP)" gave you the "domino theory," when they told you that if you didn't confront Communism in one country, then you were bound to observe all their neighbors falling like dominos.  The GIP advocates tell you that single-payer universal healthcare is "socialized medicine," and that you should put your faith in private insurance, although that has never even been tried anywhere ever before.  Hey, it's a "good idea," isn't it?  And what about bringing "freedom" to the Middle East, hasn't that been really been another GIP?

What concerns Frodo the most about all of this is that our team is now facing a very severe challenge from an undisciplined, small cadre of dedicated athletes.  They have no money, few places to practice, and none of the equipment we have, but they are beating us up and down the field.   They win because they have better coaching.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 AM EDT
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Sunday, August 12, 2007
Tell Me Dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: "Marking Time" (3)
Topic: "Marking Time" (3)

One thing that we all share, dear reader, are seminal moments in time.  There is a point where each of us realizes that we have reached a new plateau, and that the time remaining will be different from the time past.  Frodo remembers a night, 30 years ago this month, when his youth was no more, and he was rudely delivered to the next level of his life.  One of the truly creative masterpieces in the American art form was no more, and suddenly, Frodo was much older.

One of Frodo's fellow Hobbits had a spouse attending Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, and when it was announced that Elvis Presley would be performing in concert, she asked Frodo and Sam if they would like tickets.  Frodo would have taken out a second mortgage on his house, had he one at the time, because the opportunity to see "The King" in person was an opportunity both rare and spectacular.  To this day, both Frodo and Sam attest that it was the single best "show" "concert" "exhibition" that either have seen, and that is not faint praise.

It opened with "Also Sprach Zarathustra," familiar to those who knew the movie "2001:  A Space Odyssey," and continued all the way to the "Elvis has left the building," announcement once he exited the stage.  He must have received 50 bouquets of roses from dauntless female admirers, and handed out at least a dozen kerchiefs from around his neck to those who risked life and limb to rush the stage.  He performed almost every song Frodo could sing with him, and he entranced an auditorium of those who were already convinced that they were in the presence of something truly unique, and yes, dear reader, truly great.

In tribute this evening, imagine yourself in a motorcar, Frodo (looking a great deal like Anthony) is driving, and you are one of the "Designing Women" driven home from Memphis to Atlanta late at night, and the radio is playing, just for you. 

For any male readers, kiss off, you'd never understand.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:44 PM EDT
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Friday, August 10, 2007
It's The New Mother Nature Takin' Over
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Let's Bake Cookies" (3)

Frodo proposed doing something a little bit different this evening.  It was Frodo's suggestion to offer a brief commentary which, because of the format, would be even more nonsensical than most of his creations, then to simply quote the information which is the subject of this missive.  There is very little left to say once these facts are presented.  Frodo, however, has an impish quality which is enhanced by the mind-numbing stupidity of the most intelligent creatures to ever walk our small blue planet.  Apologies beforehand Merry and Eowyn, and others girded for battle, humor is required when  minds such as these are at hand.  Pretend that it is merely James Thurber proffering his battle plan in the wars of his writings.

"The Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary (Nashville) offers coursework in Greek and Hebrew, in archaeology, in the philosophy of religion, and--starting this fall--in how to cook and sew.  One of the nation's largest Southern Baptist seminaries, the school is introducing a new, WOMEN ONLY (capitalization added without charge) academic program in homemaking--a 23-hour concentration that counts toward a bachelor of arts degree in humanities.  The program is aimed at helping establish what Southwestern's president (anybody wanna wager on which side of the battle of sexes is represented by the institutional leadership?) calls biblical family and gender roles (Oh Merry, while you're up would you cut Frodo a slice of rhubarb pie?).  Coursework will include seven hours of nutrition and meal preparation (farewell to 'Hamburger Helper'), seven hours of textile design and 'clothing construction', three hours of general homemaking (Eowyn, Frodo seems to have tracked some dog poop into the living room, can you clean it up?), three hours on the 'value of a child, and three hours on the 'biblical model for the home and family.'"

Even impish Frodo could not make fiction stranger than truth when neolithic hodads offer him so much material for pure satire, with just a dash of disgust.  Frodo would make a contribution to her campaign effort if Hillary Clinton would enrol.  Bill could take in the Grand Ole Opry while the former First Lady pulled the underwear of President Paige Patterson up over his head and tied the waist band into a knot up above his head.  It would take a miracle for him to ever walk upright.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 9, 2007
You Can Go Your Own Way
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)

Getting angry doesn't do anyone any good; as Satchel Paige once said, "it agitates the blood."  Frodo is tempted by the Ring from time-to-time however, and he can't help but wish evil thoughts, even on the hopelessly vexed.  Former Governor of Massachusetts (or someplace that harbors a college that matriculates idiots known as "legacies") Mitt Romney has gone public with something that makes Frodo's blood stream a bit agitated.  It has to do with Romney's five sons, and their service to our country.

Romney said today that his five sons are serving our country by working for his election, in contrast to those who choose to serve our country by joining the military, and putting their sacred life, honor, and fortune on the firing line.  Romney had the unmitigated gall, and impudent judgment to compare sacrifices such as PFC Jesus Fonseca, whose funeral Frodo attended, to the children he protects from harm's way.

How does a character like Romney look Senator James Webb (D-Va) in the eye?  Romney, even if he is a decent man, will obviously say whatever it takes to get himself nominated.  Frodo truly hopes that he does get the Republican nomination for the Presidency.  Frodo truly believes that he would not only fail to carry Massachusetts, but he would even lose in Utah.  Mike Gravel, for the love of Pete, would even defeat Mitt Romney.

Frodo stops for a moment, and looks away from Mount Doom toward the Black Gate, where so many in arms are gathered.  Frodo knows they depend on him and Sam.  It gives Frodo the strength to turn upward again, knowing that so many lives depend on the destruction of the Ring.  Mitt Romney, because he has no values at all, is an unwitting assistant in the struggle against his fellow Orcs.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:46 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, August 9, 2007 9:12 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Well, We All Shine On
Mood:  special
Topic: "Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)

"This is not sports."-- Jonathan Alter, NEWSWEEK, speaking to his two teenaged sons while watching the Democratic Debate in Chicago last evening; just after Steve Skvara uttered the following, "What's wrong with America, and what will you do to change it?"

"I congratulate Barry Bonds, and his family, on this historical event."--Henry Aaron, ATLANTA BRAVES, speaking on video to the throng in San Francisco who had just watched the 756th career home run  hit by the Giants outfielder.

Two moments in history, dear reader.  One will be chronicled as long as interest remains, and the other will be no more than a footnote.  Frodo has been contemplating the hypothetical this evening, wondering if he would rather be Barry Bonds or Steve Skvara.  If he were Bonds, he would have wealth beyond comprehension, and he would have an open door into any place he'd ever dreamed of being.  If he were Steve Skvara, he would sit across a kitchen table looking at the woman who had shared his life, thinking that now, when she needed him the most, he would be unable to provide basic care for her well-being.

A foolish question you say, dear reader?

Baseball has always been a part of Frodo, but right now he could care less.  He watched a good man last night, whose career ended in disability brought on by an accident in a motorcar.  The good man who had been promised a pension, and affordable health care for his service, watched his former employer collapse into bankruptcy.  All of the promises made dissolved, leaving him unable to either work or to provide for the good woman who had been with him all along.  With courage and emotion he turned his lonely eyes to those on the podium and asked them if they were Joe DiMaggio?

Frodo stood and cheered.  Steve Skvara hit a home run, and it went further and meant more than all of the tape measures wrought by the actions of Barry Bonds.   Jonathan Alter got it right, and his sons are fortunate to have a father so wise. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:55 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, August 8, 2007 11:19 PM EDT
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Monday, August 6, 2007
No, You Don't Have To Live Like a Refugee
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Frodo, James Frodo" (3)

"Your assignment, 003.5, should you choose to accept it, is to determine what has happened to the pistols, AK-47's, and body armor which was shipped to Iraq for the use of the Iraqi Police Force.  You and your IM Force need to determine what has happened to the more than $4 Billion worth of weaponry.  The Defense Department has admitted to the fact that the weapons were simply 'distributed' in their haste to arm the Iraqis against the insurgency."

"Does that mean that we may have, inadvertently, armed those who have been fighting the Coalition Forces, M?"

"I'm afraid so, 003.5.  Now you'll need a complete briefing from Q about the make and models of the firearms so that you can initiate a proper investigation."

"Sir, might I suggest that we start by simply getting a list of the serial numbers. . ."

"I'm afraid that won't work 003.5, the military claims that they were under such time constraints that they were unable to compile a list of the numbers.  It would have taken too long to write down each serial number."

"I'm sorry M, but couldn't someone have merely listed the numbers on a portable computer while flying the arms into Baghdad from Fort Benning?"

"I'm not arguing with you 003.5, I'm telling you that this is what military intelligence has told us."

Agent Frodo, licensed to kill, was speechless.

Several hours pass.

 "Miss Moneypenny, has 003.5 left for Baghdad as yet?"

"Sir?  Baghdad?  003.5 had me book a charter for him to Roanoke, Virginia."

"Virginia?  Why?"

"He said that he was going to see a man about some guns."

"Get him on the telephone, and patch him into me, just as soon as possible!"

Several hours pass.

"Miss Moneypenny, any word from 003.5?"

"Just a text message from his Blackberry Sir."

"Well, what's it say?"

"I'm not sure entirely, but here's the literal message:"

'LOL 003.5, shkin not strd, wepuns in ctrl of NRA clrd by W.'

M looked up from the computer screen hoping that Moneypenny could explain some, if not all, of the gibberish in front of him.

Moneypenny squirmed in her seat, but offered a theory.  "Perhaps Sir, 003.5 is saying that he believes the weapons are now, with the President's approval, in the possession of the NRA?"

"The NRA?  What in the Hell would those lunatics want with all those AK-47's and pistols?"

"Look Sir, another message coming in, maybe this is important?"

'$cent, tell M NK 00's R @ 2 >$ NRA 4 wepuns.'

"Sir, I have no idea what this means.  Do you think Q could translate it?"

"No for Pete's sake, he's older than either of us."

"Another message Sir.  That's odd?"

"What's odd?  What's it say?"

"Virginia Tech."

End of message.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:14 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, August 6, 2007 8:57 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 4, 2007
You Can Check Out Any Time You Want, But You Can Never Leave
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Hot Tamale" (3)

It is extremely difficult to be funny when it is hot.

The greatest Southern writers were sometimes narrators, and sometimes participants.  They were often gothic, but mostly populist.  Occasionally they were entirely asexual, but usually they reflected every kind of sexuality in one form or another.  With the partial exception of the works penned by Mr. Clemens, the characters wore seersucker suits or cotton dresses, drank bourbon on the rocks or lemonade, smoked, and sweated a great deal.  Mr. Clemens of course, wore a seersucker suit, drank bourbon, smoked, and probably sweated while he wrote of Brother Huckleberry and tramps abroad.  The tales produced by Southern writers were dramatic and involved, but rarely amusing.  Mr. Clemens, it is noted, wrote much of his work in Connecticut and in travel status.

To the best of his knowledge, Frodo has no latent sexual issues.  Frodo's relationships with his mother and his father have been traditional and unspectacular.  Frodo's personal appetites tend to chocolate, peanuts, and root beer (albeit in a frozen mug).  The result for Frodo's tales is that with these traditonal gaps sealed, and the record-setting temperatures coupled with expected levels of humidity, there is only sweat.  Bead-like, it falls upon wooden floors and lies there until a passerby decides that it needs to be removed from view.  It is very, very hard to be funny when the only thing one can produce is detritus.

On the morrow, after the Braves game of course, Frodo will sit in the gazebo and begin his gift book, "In Search of Willie Morris," and whenever he stops to contemplate a page past, he'll perform the annual task of fan design.  Revivals and funerals alike at this time of year require and inspire ornate as well as practical fans.  Anything pliable can be used to direct a breath of air toward those who endure days that remain in memory and experience long thereafter.  Days such as these do not inspire humor or creativity, just that which is necessary.  Frodo's words are proof, it is hard to be funny when it's this hot.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:15 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 5, 2007 12:04 AM EDT
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Friday, August 3, 2007
I Said No, No, No, It Ain't Me, Babe
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Blame Game" (3)

Joe Biden has no chance to be the next President of the United States.  The "nattering nabobs" who grace the black-and-white project him as a screen test for the position of Secretary of State in a sane and competent Presidential Administration.  Frodo would have no problem with that eventuality.  Although Frodo has always looked back upon the Senate Judiciary Hearings relative to the appointment of Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court as one of the  truly comic moments, and Joe Biden's participation as borderline schizophrenic, he has great admiration for Biden's incisive awareness of the Middle East and its role on our small blue planet.  That is why Frodo pored over Biden's words earlier this week.

Who is responsible?  Joe Biden was saying that he felt supreme frustration over the fact that no one in the Executive Branch was willing to accept any responsibility for anything.  Nearly everyone, on every side of the issue, from whatever angle, concludes that the Pre-Emptive War has been conducted poorly.  By whom, asks Frodo?  Surely no one is alleging that the young men and women doing the fighting and the dying are not doing a good job.  If not them, then the next possibility is the military leadership.  Have our West Point graduates been as ineffective as the British during the American Revolution, unable to deal with "freedom fighters" with muskets fired from behind trees?  From top-to-bottom the conclusion seems to be that they just weren't alloted enough men and proper equipment to meet the challenge.  So, the military is not to blame, assumes Frodo.

Those who advocated, and called for, a military struggle in order to introduce democratic principles into the Middle East appear on talk shows to argue that the objectives were sound, but the execution was poor.  Bill Kristol, Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, Douglas Feith, are adamant that the War was just, that it serves the purpose of the United States, and that it is the only course of action that ensures our national survival.  They were right, they conclude, so therefore they are not to blame for the present internecine struggle.

The Incomparable Moron could not recall any mistakes he had made when so queried by Tim Russert.  The Secretary of State, the unaccomplished Ms. Rice, said that "thousands" of mistakes had been made, but once it became necessary to remove her foot from her mouth, she declined to be specific about the identification of the errors and who exactly committed any of them?   Cautious references to Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Bremer, George Tenet, Tommy Franks appear as miasma in conversation from White House staffers, but nobody says "this guy" did this, or didn't do that.  Nobody, and Frodo means nobody, says anything about anybody who is anything other than out of the present line of decision-making.

What grinds Frodo's butt is that when anyone points a finger, it is immediately bitten off by someone prepared to defend the pointee.  Those who advocate the impeachment, for example, of the Vice President of the United States are seen as far-leftie members of "MoveOn. org," who have no credible evidence other than their inherent dislike of Mr. Cheney.  Then the charges are answered by the "obfuscation" of attention-shifting assertions, and a new line of questioning by the befuddled.  In the end, no one is responsible.  This whole mess just happened.  That is, it could have been avoided if Bill Clinton hadn't lied to the Grand Jury about a blow job.

Dear reader, it happened because you weren't angry enough.  It happened because it wasn't your kids, brothers, husbands, going off to War.  It happened because we elected political leaders who knew how to campaign, and we accepted their inabilities.  Frodo will not conclude however with the over-used mantra that the enemy is us, he will simply tell you that the Atlanta Braves had a 9-5 lead in the top of the 9th inning last night, and gave up a grand slam home run to an unknown player from Houston.  They lost the game, although they fought back brilliantly, in the 14th inning, 12-11.  They lost because they figured they couldn't.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 AM EDT
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Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sometimes I Think It's A Shame
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Playin' Possum" (3)

Once upon a time, on a dark and stormy night, an opossum fully intimidated Mick, the Wonder Dog.  The memory of all those pointy teeth has had an impact on his continuing subsequent behavior.  It was not surprising therefore, when naught but an upraised nose and a wayward glance from afar took place while Frodo was retrieving the morning paper.  The object in the middle of the lane was obviously the detritus from a newpaper delivery person whose task at hand took precedence over his steering, and resulted in the corpus delicti of an unfortunate opossum.  Frodo had promises to keep, but fully intended to properly dispose of the remains upon his return from Mount Doom.

Tom Bombadil is a good neighbor.  Departing his residence just before Frodo, he noted the remains and planned also to take obvious action when the eve brought his return to the lane afront the Shire.  Therein lies this brief tale.

Tom arrived home and noted the corpse was still present in the middle of the lane.  He fetched his shovel and retreated to the plains just beyond the Gardens of the Shire to prepare a proper final resting spot for the unfortunate victim of Henry Ford's folly.

During this period, Frodo returned to the Shire and likewise noted that the task remained undone.  Frodo fetched his shovel and a plastic garbage bag.  Frodo scooped the remains into the bag, sealed it, and deposited it into the refuse can which was scheduled for pickup on the morrow.

A bit later, while Frodo enjoyed the product of Master Brewers in Wisconsin, the telephone rang and it was a very confused Tom Bombadil.  He inquired of Frodo if he had noted the presence of an opossum in the lane afronting the Shire earlier in the day.  When Frodo stated that he had, it was clear that Tom was both relieved and in awe.  He told Frodo of what he had observed and done, and noted that the game playing opossum had gone to great lengths to disappear into the Gardens of the Shire.

If Frodo had been a truly evil Hobbit, he would have parlayed Tom's confusion into a prolonged act of comedy.  Instead he had Tom meet him back at the burial spot, and he carried the sealed bag with him.  Together they returned nature's creation to its beginning.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, accompanied them and observed the entire affair.  When all was done, he sauntered over to the spot and promptly lifted his leg.  The lesson, perhaps, being that justice delayed tastes just as sweet.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:10 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, July 31, 2007 11:12 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 29, 2007
Please Release Me, Let Me Go
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Deep Shiite" (3)

Before Frodo has a heart attack, he would like to very briefly summarize a few facts, dear reader.  Please do not assume that he doubts either your intelligence or your attention to recent history, for it remains evident that some others must have such doubts.  What follows in paragraph number two is what we know, and in paragraph number three is what we are being told.  Paragraph number three, in Frodo's humble opinion, is presented as if the facts of paragraph number two are not significant, and have no value in deciding upon a future course of action.  That is what is making Frodo so very angry.

Saddam Hussein was a Sunni. The Sunni sect (if you will accept that term for the sake of simplicity) represented approximately 20% of the population of Iraq at the time the Pre-Emptive War began.  The Sunnis, under Saddam Hussein, controlled the government of Iraq, and the Shiite sect, representing roughly 65% of the population of Iraq, had little influence in either policy or iimplementation under the dictator Hussein.  The Kurds accounted for the majority of the remaining population, and nearly all of them were located in the same geographical area bordering Turkey.  The Sunni government aligned itself with other predominantly Arab states in the region who were controlled by Sunnis.  The Sunni government waged war against the predominantly Shiite state of Iran, and was no close ally of any state, Arab or no, which was predominantly Shiite.  With the coming of the Pre-Emptive War, the Sunni government of Iraq fell, and it was replaced by a predominatly majority Shiite government, now under the leadership of Prime Minister Nouri-al-Maliki (a Shiite).  Insurgencies developed, predominantly sectarian in nature, and both Sunnis and Shiites were armed into  militia groups which struggled for power.  Shiite clerics on one side, Sunni tribal leaders on the other, and Coalition troops, with some level of government roops in-between.  This we know to be true, and it is the situation from which the "Petraeus report" has been developing. 

General Petraeus has been having some level of relational intercourse with Prime Minister al-Maliki.  The General has been reporting that Sunni Tribal Leaders have grown so disaffected with "al Qaeda" that even those who have participated in the insurgency against the Coalition, are being armed in order to fight against "al Qaeda."  Prime Minister al-Maliki looks at it a little differently, being a Shiite, he is very concerned that the Coalition is therefore re-arming the very same guys who ran the government under Saddam Hussein, and who subjugated the Shiite majority.  The Prime Minister has also noted that promised deliveries of arms and equipment to the predominantly Shiite Iraqi police force are  way behind schedule.  The fraying relationship reflects Petraeus' efforts to combat "al Qaeda," and al-Maliki's belief that all he is doing is re-arming the prior despots (except of course, for the late Mr. Hussein).  The Prime Minister, it is rumored, may demand that General Petraeus be removed.

The imbecilic position, dear reader, is that we are indeed giving guns and weaponry to the very guys whom we disarmed and fired.  Now, because we see the enemy as "al Qaeda" and we are no longer concerned with non-existent WMD's, we are in effect, telling the 65% of the Iraqi people who were under the thumb of the Sunnis that they have nothing to fear if they all pull together.

And the Shiites are saying, "Yeah, right, those infidels are going to work with us after we kicked them out of power, killed their leader, and basically allowed the Americans to turn out the lights, turn off the water, close the sewers, and blow up two-thirds of our homeland."

And the Sunnis are saying, "We'll be baaack." 

The Iranian mullahs are planning a new religious holiday, the one in which they unite both Iran and Iraq under one theocratic government.

Al Qaeda, on the other hand, is working on some surprises for the Pakistanis.

Isn't it just about time for the Incomparable Moron to take his August vacation, cuttin' brush, doin' hard work, there in Crawford?

Petraeus?  Wasn't there a guy in Greek Mythology with a name like that?  You know, he flew too close to the Sun and the wax holding his wings together melted.

'Nuff said, Frodo needs a Gelusil.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:23 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, July 29, 2007 9:11 PM EDT
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