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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
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"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Sticker Shock"
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"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
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"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
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"Thar She Blows"
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"The Important Stuff"
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"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
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"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
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"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
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"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
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"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
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"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
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"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Go On, Take The Money And Run
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Tweety Pie" (2)

Guillermo Aguirre-Zabiala, a high school student in Argentina, was out for a stroll some time back when he happened upon a fossil stuck in a rock outcropping near his home.  Now identified as a previously unknown offshoot of extinct birds known as "phorusrhacids," or "terror birds," it is the largest bird ever known to have existed.  It weighed, in its' time, about 400 pounds, and preyed on rodents the size of sheep. 

Paleontologists at the Los Angeles County Natural History Museum, who examined the fossil, believe that the creature, although not able to fly, was quite speedy afoot.  The beak was hooked to allow the slashing destruction of prey.  The best news about Big Bird is that he disappeared from the Patagonian steppes about 15 million years ago.

Frodo was mildly interested in the discovery, but he was particularly struck by the "life-shaping" impact on the discoveror, Sr. Aguirre-Zabiala.  The impressionable young man changed his major studies from psychology to paleontology and earth science as a result of his involvement in the discovery.  Frodo thinks it is very noble that the young man should take such an interest in science, but to change his whole life as a result?  Frodo supposes it is a good thing that Guillermo did not happen to discover a keg of ancient wine fermented by early European explorers.  Imagine what might have happened to a sincere and intelligent young man like this had he otherwise have stumbled upon a cache of buried treasure?  

He would probably have become a Republican. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:31 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Ya Gotta Swing Your Hips Now, That's Right, You're Showin' Fine
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Purple Pill Please" (2)

Frodo has publicly announced his intention to separate the head from the torso of the individual who first decided to broadcast television commercials for pharmaceuticals during the dinner hour.  In the true spirit of capitalism, Frodo has also promised never to purchase the product "Nexium" (i.e., the "purple pill") even if bile discharge should appear in his own gullet.  True revolutionaries have to be prepared for personal sacrifice.

Feminine hygiene products, cat litter, erectile dysfunction assistance, and foot odor eaters are other popular subjects for broadcast at 6:30 EST (4:30 in the Mountain Time Zone).  No network, cable affiliate, or independent station has operated free of the gross and disgusting advertising presentations during either the Evening News or the re-broadcast of a re-broadcast of a syndicated comedy re-run (Is that really John Travolta?).  Frodo truly thought that things could not get even more tasteless.

Remember, dear reader, the little old lady used in the political commercials, Clara somebody-or-other, who screamed "Where's the Beef?'  Now that was funny, regardless of whether or not the advertisement was for or against anyone in particular, it was funny, and it got a point across.  Try, dear reader, to match the creative application of humor to today's political landscape, and the truly concerned adult looks directly into the face of political bathroom humor.  It will not surprise Frodo at all to soon see a commercial taking note of a political opponent subtly attempting to pass gas.  It will be "aired" during Frodo's dinner.

The Republican National Committee, and the sly jokester Ken Mehlman, today pulled the advertisement used to attack Democratic Senatorial Candidate Harold Ford.  The suggestive comments of a "white" woman regarding a "black" man got extensive media play for three or four days in a "southern border state."  The assumption being that those potential voters who would be offended by this violation of the literally-interpreted prohibitions in the Book of Leviticus had been titillated by this presentation from the "low ground."  This may prove to be the most widely-referenced political ad in the future histories of these mid-term elections.  Its' one redeeming virtue is noted  by the fact that it will not ever again appear on Frodo's TV during the dinner hour.  If only the 15,394 equally offensively-repeated presentations could go with it, and never again attempt to anger, titillate, amuse, or (Heaven Forbid) inform anyone ever again.  And may their Creators form a single line from the platform of Frodo's personal guillotine, so that Frodo never again will wish that he could suffer another "Nexium" commercial in lieu of one more look at the pudgy countenance of Sonny, the "TooDoo."

For you non-Georgians, don't ask!   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:53 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006
How Long Has This Been Goin' On
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "A Course is a Course"(2)

President George Walker (Armstrong Custer) Bush has recently initiated a course in remedial elocution for the Citizens of Middle Earth.  His theme in the Course has been that what the citizens hear is not what is being communicated.  Had the public not been distracted by those who choose to "cut and run," they would have understood that what was being said is not what they heard. 

Frodo has offered to help make the point for the President.  Frodo suggested that we start with the recently compromised Un-Policy statement, "Stay the Course."  Any truly cognizant listener would have quickly surmised that the President actiually meant "Play the Horse."  The President was endorsing pari-mutuel betting to help States reduce their dependence on Federal largesse.  Sam, who is sometimes a bit too argumentative on matters such as these, pointed out that the President actually said "Slay the Norse," which was a reference to the growing tensions with the socialists of Scandinavia.  Boromir phoned in to correct both Frodo and Sam with his interpretation that Bush had called for a "Gray Porsche," perhaps in preparation for his next scheduled backrub for the German Prime Minister.  Merry sent in an e-mail from South Carolina and told all that our Leader had specified that  listeners should "Belay the Force," in their continuing efforts to overcome evil influences in Mordor.

It was quickly becoming clear that the Un-Policy had been widely interpreted, and thereby required corrective definition by the  "Great Communicator" from Crawford.  The best example of this need was Pippin's allegation that the real message had been to "Delay the Borscht," which truly makes no sense whatsoever, but adequately reflected the fact that the audience was running out of rhyme. 

Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, who serves as the point of coordination for re-phraseology and definitive adjustments, asked only that we all bow our heads and "Pray for the Source."




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EDT
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Monday, October 23, 2006
If You Think This Is Just a Game, I Ain't Playin'
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "West Wing Redux" (2)

Jimmy Smits as Barack Obama and Alan Alda as John McCain, is that weird or not?  "Does this mean," asked Frodo, "that John McCain will end up being Secretary of State?"  Actually, that is almost as remote a concept as is the departure of George W. Bush, played by Martin Sheen, as a melancholy scene.  Nearly every Citizen of Middle Earth is already planning for the celebration to accompany that stupendous day when the Incomparable Moron returns to the one activity for which he was truly brought to life, and that is clearing brush.

In the movie "Wag the Dog," the beret-wearing groupie pre-dated the actual appearance of Ms. Monica Lewinsky by more than a year.  Now it is difficult to ignore the physical similarity between the actor, Smits, and the politician, Obama.  Add in the facts that both reflect recent ethnic immigration to this great land, and both exhibit limited experience in the legislative scenario, then the dialogue itself in the "West Wing" begins to echo in memory.  Is it possible that the very talented production team simply took a wild-assed gamble, and that it paid off?  Or is there a wider conspiracy?

Frodo believes it is all about Hope, and that is no reference to a whistle-stop community in Arkansas.  Our realities may indeed reference our fantasies, and our dreams, it logically follows, can come true.  Behavioral Scientists will caution us not to put too much faith into the conduct of a single leader, no matter how noble and just he may appear because, above all else, he too is only human (or Halfling).  Perhaps that is sage advice, and Frodo agrees that putting too much trust gives too much power.  What, though, is life without passion, and the future without dreams of better days ahead?

When he started these dialogues Frodo naturally identified those in the Fellowship, and Sauron was immediately discernible.  The Elves and the Dwarves, the Men of Gondor and the Riders of Rohan, yes and even the Orcs were also cast upon his stage.  Only Aragorn has stood in the wings, waiting to be cued.

Enter Sir, stage left, Frodo and his friends await. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT
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Sunday, October 22, 2006
If There's Anything That You Want, If There's Anything I Can Do
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Like a Barack" (2)
Bilbo sat impatiently next to Frodo, then sprang afoot and burst out with the following:

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken:
The crownless again shall be king."

Bilbo again sat next to Frodo and whispered, "I made that up myself, for (Aragorn) a long time ago when he first told me about himself. I almost wish that my adventures were not over, and that I could go with him when his day comes."

Today, Barack Obama opened the door, if only so slightly, to the possibility of his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States. If elected, he would be three years older than was John F. Kennedy when he assumed the Presidency in 1960. Although he has but two years of service in the United States Senate, Frodo is enthused about his lack of experience.

The current leadership of our fair land is dominated by men who have served as Governors, Congressmen, Cabinet Secretaries, Private Industry CEO's, Owners of Baseball Teams, and other equally impressive titles, on paper. Look, dear reader, at the effectiveness of the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld triumvirate for all their experience. Obama has written a book, entitled "The Audacity of Hope," and in that book he makes the argument that the experiences of the 1960's have woven the intransigence of our present dilemma. Frodo remembers those days, and sees the wisdom in his words.

Perhaps the word is going out that this is the time, and that this is surely the place. Born in this century, tempered by war, and brought to this land of hope and dreams to receive a torch. Frodo asks what he can do to bring about the brighter day.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:46 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Every Boy Wants a Girl He Can Trust to The Very End
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Look Who's Talkin'" (2)

Former Congressman Foley appeared to be taking the coward's way out.  Oh no, it couldn't be his fault, it had to be the alcohol!  Another politician signs his name to the register under the name of Betty Ford, and that would end his culpability in whatever really took place, or, at least, that is what Frodo thought.  For Former Congressman Foley also alleged that he was the victim of sexual abuse by a Priest.

Frodo admits that he has been stymied as to the rationale of Former Congressman Foley's allegation.  What is even more confusing is the fact that it appears to be true.  Today an intrepid reporter tracked down this goofball Priest on some little dinky island off the coast of Malta, for the love of Mike.  Sounding entirely akin to Peter Lorre in "Arsenic and Old Lace," this weirdo admitted to the "touching" and the "fondling" of little Former Congressman Foley 39 years ago.  He commented on the fact that they went "skinny-dipping," and took saunas together in the nude.  He denied any "penetration" or "rape," however.

As bizarre as it is, Frodo still can't figure why Former Congressman Foley raised the issue?  He had already established his argument as a drunk who was not responsible for his actions.  Was this a determined effort to strike back at his Church for allowing him to be victimized as a 12 year-old?  Could it be that he was intentionally attempting to expose the secretive coziness of secular leadership to the unpublicized criminal behavior of religious leaders?  Or could it be that Former Congressman Foley simply wanted to humiliate the leadership of his own Party by allowing this "scandal" to drip on, day-by-day, and never leave the public eye in the electoral season?  There seems to be plenty of reason to speculate about the motivations of this sad little man.

Frodo has a theory.  Potential Fact 1--Former Congressman Foley has pictures.  Potential Fact 2--Former Congressman Foley needs money.  Ergo, only those who know that their faces do not appear in the photographs publicly recall exactly when they became aware of Former Congressman Foley's aberrant behavior.  

Frodo wonders exactly where Former Congressman Foley has stored the multimedia cards for his digital camera.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Easy Like Sunday Morning
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Camp Pleasant" (2)
Faramir and Frodo feared for the future. This alliteration emanates from the time when the Fellowship first began, and poverty and lack of educational opportunity were clearly delineated amongst Citizens in Middle Earth. Faramir and Frodo found each other while they individually searched for a "relevant" course for their energies in turbulent times. For Frodo, Camp Pleasant started as a summer job, for Faramir it was a life's calling.

The Family & Child Services of Washington, D.C., and THE EVENING STAR, a now defunct afternoon newspaper, sponsored a program called "Send a Kid to Camp." Five two-week sessions of residential summer camp for inner-city kids were conducted in the Prince William Forest Park by the agency, the expenses of which were covered by donations collected by the newspaper. The counselors and team leaders were usually idealistic young Hobbits of college age. They were mostly white. The campers, nominated to attend by social workers, were mostly black, poor, and all of them were no more than 12 years-old. The idea was to give kids a chance to have some fun, and three squares a day.

The fourth session was the one that troubled Frodo and Faramir the most. All of the campers were inmates of a Youth Detention Center known as "Maple Glen." When they got off the bus that first day, they all wore white tee shirts, blue jeans, and combat boots. They marched everywhere, and no one smiled. Frodo and Faramir spent days doing their best to break down the walls, and to make the kids have a good time.

Out beyond the campgrounds, in the middle of the Park, there stood the remains of an old pyrite mine ("Fools' Gold" is a component of several chemical processes). It was a good distance for a day's hike-and-back, and usually the kids had a good time looking for rabbits and picking plums off old trees. The kids from Maple Glen just marched. They marched to the mine, ate their lunch, and they were marching back. Frodo knew that he had to "change the course."

Frodo watched as the boys waded across one of the many creeks along the trail. He waded into a wide pool, cupped his hands, and pulled up a big slug of mud from the stream bed. Without a word he threw the mudball toward the back of Faramir. Faramir turned, with vengeance in his eyes, and waded into the creek. He raised his hands with a similar weapon and discharged it in the direction of the elusive Frodo. The mud ball hit one of the campers right square in the mouth. As Frodo and Faramir looked on in horror, they noticed the teeth grinning through the mud, and they felt the first of the onslaught from all directions. The battle continued until all were exhausted, and covered in mud from head-to-toe (Somehow a picture of John Belushi comes to mind as Frodo recounted the tale).

Finally the weary combatants assembled on the other shore and, young and younger, they walked back to camp, arm-in-arm. The mud, of course, was drying cement-like on each, but that only inspired them to break ranks, and to sing songs together.

"We are the Cherokee, mighty mighty Cherokee,
Everywhere we go-oh, people wanna know-oh,
Who we are, so we tell them,
We are the Cherokee, mighty mighty Cherokee,
Oooh Aaah!"

The entire camp turned out to see the boys from the Cherokee lodges of Camp Pleasant. The Director grinned from ear-to-ear as Frodo and Faramir led the group into the showers. All of the boys were laughing.

The days that followed went far too quickly. When the day came that the buses arrived to take the boys back to Maple Glen, it would've been very hard to determine whose heart broke more. Frodo knows now.

Faramir became a Priest. After many years, he left and has since married. He has a son.

Frodo has not forgotten those who were small and weak. Every once in a while you can find him making mud-balls, and smiling.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:15 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Don't Sleep in The Subway Darlin', Don't Stand in The Pouring Rain
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Bring in the first Prisoner."
"State your name for the record."
"Why am I here?"
"Your name please!"
"Look, I don't know who you are, I don't know why I'm here, and I'm not telling you anything. I demand a lawyer."
"You will answer the questions put before you by this tribunal."
"And if I choose not to do so?"
"You will suffer the consequences."
"No one has informed me of my rights."
"No one is required to inform you of anything."
"Yeah, well according to the MIRANDA decision. . ."
"The reference you make does not apply because you have been deemed to be an 'unlawful enemy combatant'."
"What? Deemed by whom?"
"This tribunal."
"Listen dude, I don't know who you are, and I don't know what this is all about, but somebody has made a big mistake."
"I repeat, state your name for the record."
"I refuse to answer based on my rights under the Fifth Amendment of the US Constitution."
"As I stated previously, you are subject only to the authority granted to the President by the Congress of the United States on this date in American history. The President has thereby directed the creation of this tribunal in order to provide for the public safety by bringing unlawful enemy combatants into the legal system expeditiously. Now, what is your name, boy?"
"I was born in this country. I am a free man. I have rights as a citizen."
"I am telling you to provide this tribunal with your name and I will not ask you again."
"Good. I see I'm finally getting through to you."
"Bailiff, remove this enemy of the people, and let him sit in a cell until he is ready to answer the questions of this tribunal."
"You can't do this. My God, this is America."

What you have just read, dear reader, according to Frodo, is all legal and consistent with the signing into law of that which removes "Habeas Corpus" from the rights of an American citizen. You, an American citizen, can be brought before some who may question your loyalty, and you can be imprisoned without the rights granted to you by the Constitution of the United States.

TS Eliot said that our world would end not with a bang, but with a whimper. While you worried, dear reader, about whether or not the Cardinals could go a game up on the Mets, or if gas prices were going to go back to $3 a gallon, you created the framework for despotism that you once read about in the book "Animal Farm."

Frodo and Sam are picking up the pace to reach the summit of Mount Doom, to destroy the Ring. The Dead must follow Aragorn into battle at Pelennor Fields, for the living who face Sauron are too few.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:24 PM EDT
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Monday, October 16, 2006
Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining
Mood:  special
Topic: "Vote for Steve" (2)
Frodo and Sam will not be around to vote on Election Day. Following all procedural guidelines properly, they received absentee ballots in the mail and today submitted them for tabulation. The early returns are in, and the Republican fears of a Democratic landslide are supported by the evidence.

In a "Red State," there are many uncontested races; simply because inertia dictates that a nameless, faceless incumbent is nearly unbeatable. Frodo seethes at the perennial re-election of State Representative Bobby Franklin, who has never submitted a bill for consideration nor taken any kind of stand on any controversial issue. He does however, send out nice little magnetic calendars for your refrigerator. Representative Franklin, a Republican, naturally, opposes the things you're against, and he is in favor of the things you are for, whoever you may be, and whatever your opinions are when he is around. Politely, Bobby Franklin is pond scum.

Frodo's next door-neighbor in the Shire, recognized by the creatures therein as "Mr. Steve," is a nice man. Mr. Steve has two dogs and a mortgage. He works multiple jobs, and he spends every free hour trying to make his yard into an environmental showplace. Mr. Steve is a fan of "The McLauglin Group" on TV, and "Air America" on radio. Mr. Steve also agrees with Frodo that George W. Bush is a horse's ass.

Frodo likes Mr. Steve. Frodo wrote-in the name of Mr. Steve to oppose Representative Bobby Franklin. Frodo would like to urge any other future voters in the jurisdictions which include the Shire to write-in Mr. Steve for State Representative.

Frodo approves this message.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 14, 2006
I'm On My Way, I Don't Know Where I'm Going
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Autumnal Observances"(2)
All of a sudden Frodo awakes hoping that the first frost did not strike the Shire; semi-tropical plants drop leaves and die if that happens. Relief turns to purpose and Frodo begins to organize the pots into which the hibiscus and scheffelera, planted outside during the warm seasons, are to be transferred. Above, Frodo clearly observes the older squirrels patching the tree-top nests to off-set the coming winter winds, while the first-year "dumb ones" make a feast of the blazing red seed of the dogwoods. Beau Neau is on patrol all about the grounds as small creatures gather the fall harvest into cavernous shelters. Mick (the Wonder Dog), Fiona, and Georgia are taking advantage of patches of soothing sunlight. There seems to be a sense of urgency encompassing all who share the Shire.

Despite the scientific evidence that all of Middle Earth grows warmer, Frodo knows that we are due for an onslaught of winter weather. A big snow, and gale-like winds from the West have not disappeared from the weather charts for the remainder of the milennium. The absence of tropical storms during the warm seasons portend an increase in the severity of the cold days ahead.

After the great storm of 1993, Frodo bought a snow shovel and hung it in his garage adjacent to his motorcar. The cobwebs that cover it need to be dusted away. A kerosene heater, with fresh kerosene, and a battery-powered TV-radio will receive tune-ups and testing. The battery in the laptop will be replaced. Vulnerable limbs will be trimmed back to prevent ice accumulation over outside wiring.

A little cool weather and Frodo becomes the personification of "the Energizer Bunny." In all likelihood, the Shire will experience another mild winter, and little use will be made of any of Frodo's frenzied preparations. There is, however, this acute sense of foreboding.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:34 AM EDT
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