Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Monday, October 16, 2006

Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining
Mood:

special
Topic: "Vote for Steve" (2)
Frodo and Sam will not be around to vote on Election Day. Following all procedural guidelines properly, they received absentee ballots in the mail and today submitted them for tabulation. The early returns are in, and the Republican fears of a Democratic landslide are supported by the evidence.

In a "Red State," there are many uncontested races; simply because inertia dictates that a nameless, faceless incumbent is nearly unbeatable. Frodo seethes at the perennial re-election of State Representative Bobby Franklin, who has never submitted a bill for consideration nor taken any kind of stand on any controversial issue. He does however, send out nice little magnetic calendars for your refrigerator. Representative Franklin, a Republican, naturally, opposes the things you're against, and he is in favor of the things you are for, whoever you may be, and whatever your opinions are when he is around. Politely, Bobby Franklin is pond scum.

Frodo's next door-neighbor in the Shire, recognized by the creatures therein as "Mr. Steve," is a nice man. Mr. Steve has two dogs and a mortgage. He works multiple jobs, and he spends every free hour trying to make his yard into an environmental showplace. Mr. Steve is a fan of "The McLauglin Group" on TV, and "Air America" on radio. Mr. Steve also agrees with Frodo that George W. Bush is a horse's ass.

Frodo likes Mr. Steve. Frodo wrote-in the name of Mr. Steve to oppose Representative Bobby Franklin. Frodo would like to urge any other future voters in the jurisdictions which include the Shire to write-in Mr. Steve for State Representative.

Frodo approves this message.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EDT

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Saturday, October 14, 2006

I'm On My Way, I Don't Know Where I'm Going
Mood:

happy
Topic: "Autumnal Observances"(2)
All of a sudden Frodo awakes hoping that the first frost did not strike the Shire; semi-tropical plants drop leaves and die if that happens. Relief turns to purpose and Frodo begins to organize the pots into which the hibiscus and scheffelera, planted outside during the warm seasons, are to be transferred. Above, Frodo clearly observes the older squirrels patching the tree-top nests to off-set the coming winter winds, while the first-year "dumb ones" make a feast of the blazing red seed of the dogwoods. Beau Neau is on patrol all about the grounds as small creatures gather the fall harvest into cavernous shelters. Mick (the Wonder Dog), Fiona, and Georgia are taking advantage of patches of soothing sunlight. There seems to be a sense of urgency encompassing all who share the Shire.

Despite the scientific evidence that all of Middle Earth grows warmer, Frodo knows that we are due for an onslaught of winter weather. A big snow, and gale-like winds from the West have not disappeared from the weather charts for the remainder of the milennium. The absence of tropical storms during the warm seasons portend an increase in the severity of the cold days ahead.

After the great storm of 1993, Frodo bought a snow shovel and hung it in his garage adjacent to his motorcar. The cobwebs that cover it need to be dusted away. A kerosene heater, with fresh kerosene, and a battery-powered TV-radio will receive tune-ups and testing. The battery in the laptop will be replaced. Vulnerable limbs will be trimmed back to prevent ice accumulation over outside wiring.

A little cool weather and Frodo becomes the personification of "the Energizer Bunny." In all likelihood, the Shire will experience another mild winter, and little use will be made of any of Frodo's frenzied preparations. There is, however, this acute sense of foreboding.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:34 AM EDT

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Friday, October 13, 2006

Blinded by The Light
Mood:

crushed out
Topic: "Sauron Psalms" (2)

Frodo has been considering the ecumenical status of political life. He has been researching his memory for a single instance in any of the collected statements of George W. Bush in which the speaker has cited a biblical chapter and verse. "Wouldn't it seem logical," said Frodo, "that this, the President who has most depended on a public display of faith, would fill his speeches with references to the Book of Genesis, or to St. Matthew, or even to Psalms?"

"You raise an interesting point, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "I cannot recall a single instance where the President has ever mentioned the most rudimentary citation, John 3:16 for example."

"Sam, he's reminded of that citation every time he turns on a sporting event."

"That raises a question Mr. Frodo, what ever happened to that goofy white guy with the rainbow wig that seemed to find his way into every sports arena, in front of every camera, wiith a sign in reference to John 3:16?"

"You know Sam, come to think of it, I can't recall seeing him, at least since before Hurricane Katrina."

"And what about Chicken George?," Sam added. "I haven't seen him in a long time. Hey, what about the San Diego Chicken?"

"Sam, your questions are interesting, but you're getting off my point," cautioned Frodo.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo, it's just that you've made me think about how much things have changed since Sauron took possession of the Ring."

"I understand Sam, and I accept your point that things we took for granted are no longer a part of our everyday lives. It is my belief that the reason that we never hear the President refer to biblical passages is because he doesn't know any."

Sam looked surprised. "You mean that all the 'faith-based this' and faith-based that' is somebody else's idea?"

"Sam, I think it's all a sham, and I don't mean a single reference to 'hair on a bull'."

"That, Mr. Frodo, is a weak joke."

"Sorry Sam, but what I mean is that I've always been suspicious of people who wear their 'faith' on their sleeve, and use it to justify, or even to hide, an ulterior purpose or motive, if you will."

Sam looked puzzled, and gazed toward the horizon. "You think the whole faith thing of George W. Bush is a put-on?"

"Sam, I would bet dollars to donuts that not a single day goes by that George W. Bush does not take the name of the Lord in vain. I believe I could substantiate the fact that he has violated Nine of the Ten Commandments."

Sam paused. "Nine of Ten?"

"That's correct."

"May I be so naive as to inquire as to the one you seem to feel he has honored?"

"Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."

"I'll buy that. Whose ass has he been coveting? Oh, I forgot about his Secretary of. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:33 PM EDT

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

They Say I Won't Last Too Long On Broadway
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
Frodo has always liked CNN. Turning on the TV in a hotel room in Austria, after first trying to find out what happened to the blankets and wondering what in the hell that huge pillow was for, is a comforting experience when something identifiable lights up the screen. Frodo might fail to recognize a single talking head and be totally baffled by the accents, but he wasn't as far from home as that weird shower curtain would make him feel. Further, CNN did not originate in New York. That meant that how the Yankees did would not necessarily be the lead story, and "Times Square" would not be identified as the center of all civilized existence by default. Besides, it is kinda cool to keep tabs on the Belgian point-of-view, or the cod crisis in the North Sea.

This evening Frodo was reminded of those feelings by the reporting of a single engine airplane which crashed into an apartment building on the eastern side of Manhattan Island. Now Frodo is not ambivalent about tragedy, and the accidental death of fellow Hobbits, however the story dominated at least half the broadcast time of the major networks' news shows. Each of the cable news channels devoted signifciant, if not all, of their time to the story. What really grabbed Frodo's attention however, was the postponement of the scheduled show on "Hardball" in order to "completely" cover the crash. Hey, it was Robin Williams at Georgetown University, doing politics on the improv!

Had the same terrible accident occurred in Miami, or Cleveland, or Denver, it would've been the final story before tonight's segment of the special series on ingrown toenails.

The answer is not to tune in on a local Atlanta TV station. Without a doubt, the local stations in the Atlanta market are totally controlled by individuals who have experienced complete frontal lobotomy. There is no reporting beyond traffic, crime, weather (ad infinitum), and the latest from NASCAR. The stories are often pulled verbatim from the morning edition of the local newspaper, and always filmed with an interstate highway as a backdrop.

Ah, thought Frodo, I'll turn on CNN. . .Error, Error, Error. . .Paula Zahn (in New York). . .Larry King (in New York). . .

Frodo is going to explore the merits of twisting the dish away from the southeastern sky in order to update himself as to the grape harvest on the slopes of the Alps this year.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EDT

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Monday, October 9, 2006

Do You Believe in Magic
Mood:

happy
Topic: "Wiccan I do for you?"(2)

Remember the "Runaway Bride?" The young lady who disappeared just prior to her wedding, then turned up in New Mexico alleging that she had been kidnapped by Hispanics? It turned out that she had merely gotten "cold feet," and went "walkabout" on her family & friends. Remember, also, dear reader, the attempted murder of Larry Flynt, the publisher of "Hustler," the very graphic obscenity occasionally dubbed a magazine? Frodo thinks of these two incidents because they both occurred within the confines of the same geographical sub-division of real property located in the State of Georgia. Especially, he says, since something else equally bizarre is now underway in this land of plenty.

It seems that one Mother, a resident of Loganville, Gwinnett County, Georgia, has felt the call to bring truth, justice, and the Book of Leviticus to all those who have been spared from her sense of salvation. She has determined that "Harry Potter" must be eliminated from the literary confines of the public school system. Since there have been several issuances in the "Harry Potter" series, our devoted Mom has prompted six hearings in her solo effort to ban these books. The cost to the taxpayers, so far, exceeds $4,000 in attorney's fees alone to her fellow residents of that far-out land of Gwinnett. The score now stands Taxpayers 6, Mom Zip.

Perhaps there is something in the water of Gwinnett County that seems to give credence to the wandering rationale of the infirm? The logic seems to be that whenever someone, nay, anyone, disagrees with you, then it is OK to shoot them, or to sue them, or to simply disappear. Frodo actually thinks that this insanity goes back to the very roots of Gwinnett County. The county, it seems, was named for a signer of the Declaration of Independence who bore the moniker, interestingly enough, Button Gwinnett. Obviously, his parents did not love him. Frodo believes that the obscurity of this individual, amongst all the nobility who signed that precious document, is the source of all the frustration that climaxes in one single political jurisdiction amidst endless strip shopping centers, patchwork interstates, and indistinguishable houses on innumerable cul-de-sacs. Frustrated residents-to-be were drawn together, perhaps by magic.

It deserves note that Gwinnett County is heavily Republican. No resident of Gwinnett County has ever met a tax, a levy, or an assessment that they felt was justified. There is a county-wide belief that public services and justice are the unpaid right to which they are individually due. The two greatest exports of the citizenry are traffic and sewerage, and both of them are everyone else's fault. If one did not know better, one would assume that the county leaders are Dennis Hastert, Dick Cheney, and Jerry Falwell. Frodo mirrors the landscape as closely resembling the single largest Super Wal-Mart parking lot in all of Alabama.

Frodo is very pleased to be in Gryffindor, the Loganville Mom deserves Slytherin.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:38 PM EDT

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Thursday, October 5, 2006

I Just Can't Keep From Cryin', He Was a Friend of Mine
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
SPECIAL NOTE: Several days ago Frodo lost an article to the ether. In the attempt to retrace his steps and to rescue this significant literary artifact, he retained the article from the ATLANTA JOURNAL & CONSTITUTION which was the impetus for the original document. Hereafter follows a synopsis of what Frodo originally wrote, perhaps better, perhaps not.

For the first time in fifteen seasons, the gallant Atlanta Braves will not be participating in the play-off preliminaries to the World Series. Not by choice adds Frodo, and the resultant application of the loser's lament to followers of the gallant Braves is, by way of the words that follow, not actually so offensive after all. "Wait 'til next year," has taken on a whole new meaning for the Hobbit.

Bobby Dews has been the Braves Bullpen Coach for the past several seasons. Not too long ago, Bobby was jogging in the neighborhood around Turner Field, and happened by an unfamiliar building with a courtyard out front. Curious, he stopped and asked a few questions. This is how the Atlanta Braves discovered "Our Lady of Perpetual Help Home," which had been established in 1939 by the Hawthorne Dominicans, an order of nuns devoted to caring for patients with terminal cancer. "We're a free home," said Sister Miriam, one of eight nuns in residence who care for an average number of 25 patients. No more chemotherapy, no more radiation, just palliative care to lessen the pain for the patients whose time is necessarily short.

Because of their proximity to the ballpark, the patients can watch the fireworks display when the gallant Braves hit a home run or win a ballgame. In this holy place the games are a reason to live another day, and to look forward to the challenge of another sunrise. In addition to occasional trips to a game, the patients have been treated to the creation of a souvenir shrine in the lobby of the hospice. Amid all the autographed pictures and bobble-head dolls there is the glove worn by the late Sister Aquinas. She always carried it to the ballpark, just in case a foul ball should come her way. One more thing, Frodo supposes, that baseball gives to those who look forward to opportunity.

Losing did not sit well with many of the fans of the gallant Braves, and Mr. German Mabry spoke for all of them, both in-and-outside the gates at "Our Lady." "The doctor said I had stomach cancer but I can't tell it, I don't believe it. I feel fine. Now, we're gonna get that Braves thing right next Spring. I'm going to a ball game."

Frodo doesn't really want to write anymore tonight dear reader, but now you understand why he felt that re-creating this post was worth the time. Amen, Mr. Mabry. We'll root them home next Spring, and the one after that.

Frodo has a lot to think about, with far too few days to go until Spring comes again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EDT

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Come Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me Banana
Mood:

hungry
Topic: "Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
Bilbo taught Frodo to never swim in the deep end until he was sure that he was able to reach firm footing when circumstances required it. That was Bilbo's way of telling Frodo to never get in over his head. Too bad that Bilbo never got to meet Senator Bill Frist.

The surgeon turned politican who set himself up for public ridicule during the Terry Schiavo affair has heaped even more judgmental dung upon his public persona. While touring Afghanistan with fellow Senator Mel Martinez (R-FL) in the kind of educational exploration that only seems to benefit the travelers themselves, Senator Frist was asked to prognosticate about the future of Afghanistan in the larger world. In an absolutely mind-boggling statement Frist indicated that he felt the Taliban would have to be an integral part of any stable governmental system. As a reminder, dear reader, it was the Taliban which harbored Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda before and after the attacks of 9/11/01. It is the same Taliban which George W. Bush, in typical Bush-family fashion, failed to destroy during the ill-fated "War on Terror," allowing these monsters to regain strength and to re-emerge from their subterranean garbage dumps. Our boy, Dr. Frist, once-harboring dreams of a Frist Presidency, wants to give credence to the continued presence on the Planet Earth of these vipers.

Frodo absolutely freaks out when the spin-masters back in the Senator's command post rise to "revise and extend" the Senator's remarks. "He didn't really mean what he said," they imply, "remember the altitude in Afghanistan is such that the Senator was suffering from oxygen deprivation."

Yeah, right, and the next thing we know, he'll be admitted to an Alcohol Rehab program.

"Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its' lonely eyes to you."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:56 AM EDT

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006

I Stand My Ground And I Won't Back Down
Mood:

sad
Topic: "IED's in Congress" (2)
Frodo detests the hypocrisy of politics and politicians. To react without glee when a particularly egregious individual sinks to the level where he belongs has always been a struggle for Frodo. It has always seemed as if now, things will get better, so why not be happy? That is, until today.

Frodo is disconsolate. Despite his disagreements with so many of these people, he knows that for many of his fellow citizens these were the people who represented, or so they thought, the values that are truly American. Hard work, individual responsibility, thrift, a strong national defense, and having just enough government to get by with are the theoretical cornerstones of those who deem themselves conservative. Tonight they must feel that the great test of hope versus greed that manifests itself in the pending adulthood of every Hobbit has been breached by those who lead their side of the Aisle, if you will. Frodo takes no joy in a loss of faith in the institutions constructed on the blood and fortune of those who dreamed of better days in our land.

The third in line to be President is a piece of toast. He did not act on principle when it was absolutely demanded of any adult. The firing squad stands in a circle, and each shot directed at him finds another target. How absolutely depressing it is to see that so many in whom so much responsibility rests failed their test. Politics be damned, this was all about right and wrong.

Bob Seger recently released a new album. The fourth song is entitled, "No Matter Who You Are." Frodo thinks every American should listen, and listen closely.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EDT

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Saturday, September 30, 2006

No Matter Who You Are, No Matter What You've Done
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "What is a Shimkus?" (2)

Former Representative Mark Foley (R-FL) is a pedophile. In fact, he is a repeat pedophile. Frodo explains that Foley's repeat status as a pedophile is documented by the investigation of Representative John Shimkus (R-IL) completed almost a full year ago.

It seems that Representative Shimkus was responsible for the internal investigation of allegations of abuse of the "page system" in the House of Representatives. Pages are, of course, young people who serve as "runners" or "gofers" to Members of the House of Representatives. Shimkus had received a referral regarding the alleged behavior of Representative Foley, and had even confronted the sleazebag about many of the charges now in the public purview. According to Representative Shimkus, Representative Foley promised him that he would terminate the relationship of concern, and would not repeat his errors of judgment. Representative Shimkus accepted that and closed the investigation without further action.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was so concerned about this week's resignation of Representative Foley, once he was confronted with documentary evidence of his pedophilic behavior, that he, Hastert, ordered an investigation of the entire House "page system." Representative Shimkus was selected to head up the investigation.

Despite his life-long interest in politics, Frodo admits that, until today, he had never heard of Representative Shimkus. Frodo is of a mind that the responsibilities of Representative Shimkus are so noteworthy that perhaps the term "Shimkus" should be adopted as a new word in the English Language. "Shimkus" could be listed in the next edition of Funk & Wagnall's thusly: "Shimkus (noun), a partisan ideolgue incapable of either sound judgment or sane conduct; not to be confused with but not dissimilar to the state of being known as incompetency. Synonyms include Bushite, see also Bush, Administration of George W. "

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EDT

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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Talk About The Boy From New York City
Mood:

chillin'
Topic: "Pray With Me Henry" (2)
At first Frodo thought that it was merely a rush of cool air twisting down from the Michigan Peninsula that brought a chill all the way from his socks to his collar. He trembled and felt all goose-bumpey until he realized that it wasn't cold air he felt, it was a cold, cold heart. He hadn't seen the dour countenance of Henry Kissinger for a long, long time. Not long enough, apparently.

The airwaves are alive with the teasing excerpts from Bob Woodward's newest book. Denials from the Pentagon and the White House are of equal and dubious credibility. Frodo was surprised only by the allegation that Kissinger has been advising the White House on matters relative to the Pre-Emptive War. Frodo had supposed that after Kissinger revealed personal conversations during his last night in the Nixon White House, and the invitation to prayer with the Fallen President, that no Republican would ever bring him into their confidence again.

Kissinger, if Frodo remembers correctly, took almost a year-and-a-half to get agreement on the size and shape of the table to be used in negotiations with the Vietnamese. When he finally did get everyone around the table, he negotiated terms roughly identical to those proposed by the Geneva Convention of 1954, which were rejected at that point by the Eisenhower Administration. 60,000 American lives later, Henry had concluded that maybe those terms weren't so bad, after all. His presence as an advisor to the current White House occupants is a harbinger of pending submission disguised in the miasma of political spin on alleged victory.

Every passing day brings the great foreign policy blunders of American intervention in the post-Colonial periods closer together. America followed the French into Indo-China, and the British into the Middle East. In both cases, the Americans have been kicked in the arse, and young bodies have expanded the permanent residency of Arlington National Cemetery. Kissinger has been there, advising, for both.

He has almost as much credibility as Dick Cheney. He's been right just about as often. He must be fondling the Ring again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EDT

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