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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, January 6, 2007
These Are Honky Tonk Women
Mood:  flirty
Topic: "So Who's Sluggo?" (2)

Frodo has been considering the inevitability of politics in America, and how even the noblest always seem to be something else when history fully examines the corpus of the times.  John Fitzgerald Kennedy, who energized a nation, and brought a generation to ask what they could do to help, was probably sexually active with a bimbo sponsored by the Mafia.  Ronald Reagan, who made it politic to be patriotic, and initiated a revolution in political implementation, most probably violated the law and his Constitutional authority.  Universally, politicial leaders of all shapes and sizes have succumbed to the call of pecuniary and glandular interests.  This has caused Frodo to wonder about the sudden and marked presence of the feminine gender in positions of power, and what may happen in the days, and weeks, and months, and years to come.

"Madame President?"

"Yes Mr. Smeagol, what can I do for you?"

"Madame President, I was once a mere Hobbit, now I am here to inform you of a matter of great concern to your loyal supporters in the Shire."

"I see, and what might this entail?"

"Madame President, as you know, your support during the last election included an astounding percentage of registered voters in the Shire, and contributions by working Hobbits to your political campaign were far above the average of all Middle Earth."

"I am aware of the generous support of my constituents in the Shire.  Your President is grateful.  What is it that you seek, Mr. Smeagol?"

"Madame President, have you ever toured the Godiva Chocolate Factory?  One of my business associates is arranging a weekend for certain favored consumers and friends of the company to bathe in the luxury of the finest designer chocolates in the world, and your friends in the Shire would be honored to arrange for you to join us."

"Godiva, you say?  Hmmm, one of my favorite products of the Shire.  However, I believe we stray from my question?"

"Madame President, I appreciate your focus, and wonder if you wouldn't like to perhaps attend an Armani Fashion Show after the factory tour?  Given your exquisite taste, it would be an inspirational opportunity to review the contributions of American business to the growing economic trends in our nation."

"Armani?  A Fashion Show??

"Excuse me, Madame President?"

(Enter, stage left, the President's Chief of Staff, Prince William, Son of the Prince of Wales, who has been in attendance, but busily polishing his saber during the conduct of the meeting).

"Yes Billy?"

"Madame President, it might be fortuitous to associate yourself with the upcoming product line of this nature.  The economic benefit to a loyal constituent, the image of an aggressive and successful effort within a growing economy, and, undoubtedly, the gratitude of a corporate sponsor, all  are positives to your re-election campaign," said the young man with the rounded buttocks.

"Madame President, if I may?," added Smeagol.

"You may."

"We can also arrange for selected gowns and accessories to be made available to you for specific State occasions. . ."

"What accessories?"

"Oh, trifles to be sure.  Tiaras, a few bracelets, a brooch or two, all tastefully garnished in semi-precious stones.  Nothing too ornate.  Just something to make sure that there is no repeat of the infamous Laura Bush and two other red dresses at the same affair at the White House."

"I remember that, of course.  These would be loaners, and I would be under no obligation?"

"But of course, all strictly on the up-and-up, and with absolutely no strings attached.  In fact, you will probably never even remember anything about the donors.  They will never bring it up.  They have enough on their mind with that silly little issue with the IRS."

"What issue?"

"Oh, it's nothing.  it seems that the IRS had some minor questions about their working relationship with the Godiva people.  It's nothing really."

"Do you think we should have Billy look into it for us?"

"I think that might be good business."

"Okay, now what was the issue on your mind?"

"Oh forget about it, you're far too busy for such a trivial matter now, someday I'll simply make you an offer you can't refuse."

(The President exits, stage right, with a box of bon-bons).  







Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:25 PM EST
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Friday, January 5, 2007
Give Me The Beat Boys And Free My Soul
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Writer's Block" (2)

Frodo gets irritated at little things, simply because they mar the natural order.  For the second time, Frodo spent precious mental resources on a compositon to enthrall y'all and the damn thing disappeared into the ethernet.  After careful review, so begins Frodo and the NFL Head Linesman who reviews the challenged play once a red flag is thrown, it has been determined that Frodo did not pay close enough attention to the fine print explaining how to edit a composition previously posted, then to return the corrected posting to the blue screen post edit.  He got in a rush and didn't read the damn directions.

One might think that the composition was a baby, and that Frodo was frantically searching everywhere for the missing toddler.  If so, dear reader, then you would not be far from the truth.  What irritates Frodo is he knows that the damn thing is out there, just beyond his grasp, and he can't quite bring it back to where it belongs.  So he gets mad, and he goes on strike.

 That should adequately explain a few days of silence.

 Should anyone out there discover a mindless composition entitled "Moovin' on up," please return to Frodo.

 Sam thinks this is funny.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EST
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Monday, January 1, 2007
After Midnight, We Gonna Let It All Hang Out
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Trekking Mount Doom" (2)

Frodo is not a party animal, at least not any more.  Difficult it becomes to not only extend one's dietary discipline to accommodate the caloric increases brought about by fudge, cookies, and special libations, but to expect an automatic capacity to observe the AM hours which in recent times have become the reservation spot for reports of drive-by shootings.  Frodo, quite frankly, feels as if he has experienced the last of his side bar glances to watch Dick Clark count down the seconds to the beginning of another New Year.   Frodo will, as his observations have told him, soon be more concerned about joining the 4 o'clock seating at the "Piccadilly Cafeteria."

It will be refreshing to return to the somewhat more disciplined workaday world on the morrow.  Despite the declaration of a "National Day of Mourning," and the subsequent closures of government and postal offices, Frodo will return to his trek up Mount Doom.  Joined by Mick, the Wonder Dog, in the early morning for a run around the Keheley Elementary Gulag (why do schools still look like prisons?), Frodo will separate himself from his constant companion of the past few weeks, and drive, alone, in his motorcar to face the struggle against Sauron and the Orcs.   Separation anxiety is in both of their eyes. 

Frodo knows that, come this time a year from now, the struggle will be on-going, despite the Iraq Study Group, the tide of public opinion, or the number of vacation days spent clearing brush in Crawford.  Frodo will return to the Shire every evening to re-energize with all the creatures of the Shire, simply because it is what he must do, as long as he can.  He will spend much time listening and observing the words and the deeds of those who would replace Sauron.  He will garner information from Richard Engel, Laura Logan, Tom Friedman, Tim Russert, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Christiane Amanpour, David Gergen, Pat Buchanan, Richard Brooks, and Gandalf himself; all of whom impress Frodo with an over-riding effort to put hard facts to the test against hurried and uninformed half-truth.  He will intersperse his own adventures with a satirical switch to the ass of those who have gotten our small blue planet into such a, well, "malaise" sounds like the best word at this point in time.

Frodo looks to the New Year, grimly.  These will not be good or easy times.  Good men and women will die, for little cause.  Evil will permeate the indulgences of those who separate themselves from the suffering.  Calamity will befall innocence without mercy.  Without Sam and the Brotherhood of the Ring, the Hobbit would have no choice but to withdraw from the daunting task of rising a just and able ruler from the ashes.  Frodo knows that he must not fail.  It is just that each step gets a little heavier than the last.  The light still breaks below the horizon. 

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho.       

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST
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Sunday, December 31, 2006
Everything I Do, I Do It For You
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Fords and Dads" (2)

Frodo's father and Gerald Ford were a great deal alike. Their shared sense of personal integrity and their individual notions of hard work as the avenue to success is more evident to Frodo now, than at any other time. The levels of "separation" between these two men, who never met, is the theme of what follows. Frodo can attest, personally, to all that is stated here, as he was there, and observed exactly what was said.

Frodo's father served his country during World War II as a "Tech Sergeant" in the 55th Engineers, 10th Armored Division, in George Patton's Third Army. Not unlike most of his era, Frodo's father never spoke of his experiences, and what little Frodo learned, he heard from the conversations between his father and his fellow soldiers. These conversations took place at a reunion of the 10th Armored Division veterans which Frodo attended with his father. It was announced the final night of that reunion that the next reunion would be held in the Shire. Frodo's father, contrary to his military training, volunteered to help in any way possible.

The next reunion came and went, and it was hugely successful. Frodo, being a little older, and somewhat wiser, was able to glean even more information about what had happened during those dark days in Europe, and heard many references to and about his father. Frodo's father said nothing when Frodo asked him about some of the things he had heard. One of the things that Frodo did learn that one of the officers in his father's outfit had become an increasingly visible figure in the political world, although, at the time, Frodo had never heard of the guy.

Spiro Ted Agnew had been a Major in the 10th Armored Division, and in the time-frame of these reunions he had become a candidate for the position of Governor, in the State of Maryland. He, also, was active in any gathering of prospective voters, which certainly included veterans who were likely to vote in upcoming elections. Frodo's father began to receive correspondence from "Ted," generally thanking him for his good work in behalf of their "fellow" veterans. Frodo's father said nothing. Frodo's father worked on a shift that required his presence from 4:00 PM to Midnight. Frodo, of course, was in school, so his path with his father crossed only on weekends. Even then, Frodo was often up and long gone on Saturdays when his father finally awoke to face the tasks of husband and father away from "the plant."

One Saturday however, there were massive changes in everyone's schedule because of what had arrived in the mail the day before. A formal invitation to the Inaugural Ball of the newly-elected Governor of the State of Maryland arrived addressed to Frodo's father. Bilbo was as excited as Frodo has ever seen her, and she had passed information about the invitation to everyone whom she knew. That Friday night was a sociological study in "the temptations of Eve," for every lady in the Shire came by to see the, as yet, unopened invitation. When Frodo retreated for the evening he noted that Bilbo placed the invitation, along with all the rest of the mail, as usual, atop the refrigerator in the kitchen. It was Frodo's father's habit to glance through it the next morning, when he awoke. Frodo adjusted all of his Saturday plans to ensure that he would be there, with Bilbo, when his father opened the invitation.

That morning, the Hobbits waited expectantly around the kitchen table for Frodo's father to awake. He was, at first, shocked to see Frodo sitting still, much less to be inside on a Saturday. Bilbo was almost apoplectic. Finally, he began to thumb through the mail, piece by agonizing piece. He carefully studied each piece, and Bilbo was beginning to lose patience as most of his attention went to the envelope from the local bank, filled with canceled checks. In desperation, she pulled the invitation from the pile and thrust it into the hands of Frodo's father. He studied the outside of the envelope and silently observed the engravings thereon. Without a word, he dropped the entire unopened letter into the wastebasket. After Bilbo shrieked and almost threw herself headlong into the wastebasket, Frodo's father simply said, "He was a crook then, and he is a crook now!" From that moment on, for the rest of his life, he never mentioned the man's name again, nor did he ever comment on any of the events that followed.

Spiro Ted Agnew was observed by Agents of the FBI accepting bribes in the Office of the Vice-President of the United States, in the Old Executive Office Building on Pennsylvania Avenue, right next door to the White House. When he pleaded "nolo contendere" to avoid certain criminal prosecution, he was replaced by the appointment of Gerald Ford to the position of Vice President. Today, both Gerald Ford and Frodo's father are in Heaven somewhere, comparing notes about Spiro Ted Agnew. Agnew is burning in Hell, exactly where he belongs. Frodo, well Frodo is left to contemplate what men of high integrity do when confronted by evil. They deal with it, and they don't dwell on it.

Frodo wonders if out there, somewhere, somebody got an embossed invitation to the Inaugural Ball of the erstwhile Governor of Texas that they never opened?

Happy New Year Dear Reader!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:20 PM EST
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Friday, December 29, 2006
You'll Be My Friend Should I Grow Old
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Cows love pumpkins,
Mules love squash.
How I love you,
oh!, my gosh." --- Cleatie Roden

Seventy years ago, on Christmas Eve, Claude and Cleatie Roden of Sand Mountain, Alabama, were married. Their 70th Wedding Anniversary will be celebrated by family and friends at their church in Ringgold, Georgia, tomorrow. Their marriage took place when she was 15, and he was 22.

Cleatie remembers her father buying a brand new car just prior to the Great Depression. As she tells the story to Frodo, she states that it remained in the garage for almost four years because they couldn't buy gas. Claude dropped out of school after the sixth grade in order to keep the family farm running, and he has done so to this day.

Modern conveniences began to accumulate in their farm house when they replaced their wind-powered radio, that only worked on windy nights, with an electric one, so that they could better tune into the Grand Ole Opry. Soon a refrigerator sat in the living room, a moment marked in Claude's memory by the introduction of ice cream into the household. Next came a washing machine, remembered primarly by young Wendell, the eldest off-spring, who got caught in the wringers, and whose younger brother, Jim, was responsible for releasing him from the grip of the Industrial Age.

Claude attributes faith and love of family as the cornerstone of their marriage. "We went to church all our life. We don't either one have any bad habits like smoking or drinking. We never had to doubt each other."

There is much to be remembered about people like Claude and Cleatie. The times that spawned people with an appreciation for a good life based on hard work make Frodo remember "The Grapes of Wrath," and other books that shaped his formation. Soon the last of America's veterans of the "War to End All Wars," will pass from our small blue planet, and the adults of the Great Depression will be no more. Claude and Cleatie will be among those who follow, those who have any recollection of those hard times at all.

It's just a shame that their poetry sucked. Maybe, if they'd just had a little glass of wine.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EST
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Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Ya Gotta Be a Man, Ya Gotta Take a Stand, Only The Strong Survive
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "The Perfect Storm" (2)

Saddam Hussein's appeal was denied today, thereby requiring under "Iraqi Law" that the death sentence be carried out within 30 days (January 25th).

George W. Bush will thrill the world with another "State of the Union" address on January 23rd.

George W. Bush has announced that he will decide, finally, his new and improved "stragedy" for the situation in Iraq "early in the New Year."

This confluence of events is not just ominous, it is life-threatening.  The momentum that can swing events careening toward the precipice are all in motion at the same time, and even the Prince of Peace can offer little but a respite. 

Frodo is standing, hands on hips, looking up at Mount Doom.  Despite the best efforts of the Fellowship, and the determined assistance of Sam, there is the equivalent of a 100-foot wave bearing down on the Hobbits of Middle Earth.  Countless brave men and women are in harm's way, facing assailants fore and aft, in the midst of an internecine struggle in a country that does not exist, and never has.  The artificial borders neatly drawn on maps are subject to ethnic and religious entanglements which threaten to drown thousands in uncontrolled violence and bloodshed.  No place is safe.

Not since the New Year of 1942 has there been an ominous moment that ensures little, if any, joy in the turning of the calendar.  As the American military monthly death count in December races to exceed the record that belongs to October, Frodo looks at January with the anxious eyes of one who foresaw disaster from the first day.  Frodo turns to Sam and says, "You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Would that Frodo, at long last, finally be proven incorrect.  That is Frodo's prayer.  Please join in.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:56 PM EST
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Monday, December 25, 2006
Say It Loud
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Blue Christmas" (2)
There are some who capture attention, just by walking into a room. When James Brown performed everyone paid attention to the stage, albeit not necessarily to the same things. For some, it was the lyrics that tied the beat into the mood and produced dialogue; and Papa had a brand new "bag." The costumes glistened without either rhinestones or a lack of good taste; they were surprisingly upscale. The choreography intermeshed the routine with the spontaneous and taking ones' eyes off the prize was therefore unthinkable. Finally, there was the music itself, whether it was to wail love's desire or to move the legs and hips of an audience, it never failed to offer an avenue for self-expression by the listener. Yes, dear reader, James Brown was a mighty man, and now he is no more.

Frodo remembers one aspect of this personality not covered well by the pundits this evening. James Brown was a peacemaker. He was used on several occasions by concerned levels of government to quell the emotions of the otherwise disenfranchised. His words were delivered in person or by the media to throngs threatening to turn to violence against injustice, and people listened to what he had to say. It is the greatest compliment Frodo can give on this day, to remember a man because he stood for peace and non-violence.

It goes without saying that James Brown was a flawed man, but artists are expected to experience depression and mood swings simply because of the creative process itself. Bad behavior is bad behavior however, and even James Brown had to pay the price for unacceptable conduct. That does not mean that he was any less an entertainer, or lacked musical artistry. James Brown took command of the changing tastes and emotions of his audiences and let them move to a new definition of the audio intake.

Frodo has been plagued however, by a single phrase in a single song for many years. Have you, dear reader, ever seen anyone dance the "Jump Back Jack?" Alas, perhaps on some dance floor somewhere Frodo will be taken by the hand and taught the solution to what portends to be one of those mysteries which live on after all of us. It would be wrong to make something up on his own and simply call it the "Jump Back Jack", because Frodo knows that James would be watching him, and laughing. Hobbits have big feet.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST
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Saturday, December 23, 2006
I Really Wanna Know You, But It Takes So Long My Sweet Lord
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Billy World" (2)
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) took his family cross-country in order to visit "Wally World." Imagine, dear reader, someday taking your family to visit a barn with a glass-entry in the shape of a cross, within which you will first be greeted by a talking cow who will lead you through the exhibits to the burial spot of the Reverend Billy Graham and his wife Ruth. Frodo supposes that you will then be able to buy a "Billy Graham Loved Me" Tee Shirt, and a Slurpee for the long ride home.

Franklin Graham, the 54-year-old son of Billy and Ruth, the developer of said project, is in conflict with his brother Ned and his three sisters over the eternal plans for their mother and father. Add in the fact that Ruth is totally against being buried in the theme park, wanting only to be buried next to her husband near their mountain cabin home. Billy, so we are told, is torn between the wishes of his wife and his belief in his son's judgment.

Frodo notes that Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker developed a theme park near Rock Hill, South Carolina, during their heyday. "Billy World" would be located just outside Charlotte, North Carolina, the home of NASCAR and few other tourist attractions. The Carolinas, which provide a buffer between the Atlantic Ocean and the American coastline, are a prime locale for such creations which some might feel make a mockery of the faithful. "Frankly," says Frodo, "given the perspective of global warming, doesn't it make sense that all these yahoos should be congregated in an area that could be destroyed by rising floodwaters?"

Charlton Heston is in pretty bad shape these days, so Franklin Graham may want to carefully consider whom he might call upon to part the floodwaters should the inevitable overtake the eternal. The Messianic leadership circles are badly thinned by sex and deviant sex shenanigans in recent times. In fact, such a task might actually have to be outsourced. It may not sit too well with the faithful if Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wesley Snipes, or Katie Couric were chosen to portray divine guidance.

Frodo is compelled to point out that there is another place on the little blue planet where religious people go to sanctify their faith on the bier of the divine. It is called Mecca; only there they don't sell Slurpees.

The Sioux Indians, who called themselves "the human beings," buried their great Chief Crazy Horse in a secret spot, undiscovered to this day, in the lands that had been their tribal home. Silly Indians, look at all the admission charges they lost.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:57 PM EST
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Thursday, December 21, 2006
I Fooled Around And Fell in Love
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Virgin Birth" (2)
Parthenogenesis is a process of asexual reproduction. Eggs become embryos without male fertilization, and parthenogenesis has been observed in about 70 species. As Christmas approaches, scientific explanations of current events make Frodo pay special attention to the details at hand. Flora, a Komodo Dragon at the Chester Zoo in England, has become pregnant on her own, and is scheduled to deliver seven little Komodren shortly. Parthenogenesis has never before been noted in Komodo Dragons.

At 8 years of age Flora is sexually mature. Having been raised entirely in captivity, she has never been exposed to a male Komodo Dragon. In May, Flora laid 25 eggs, a not uncommon event among many species, but the shocker came when it was determined that several of the eggs were fertile. DNA testing proved that only the genetic presence of the "Mother" existed in the offspring-to-be.

Parthenogenesis is an "either-or" occurrence in all previously observed instances. The Komodo Dragon is the first creature capable of reproducing both sexually and asexually. This survival weapon is not only important in a world where the remaining 4,000 Komodo Dragons include only 1,000 males, but it gives the Komodo a "tool" that separates it from all "higher" forms of life.

Don Imus, the bizarre but entertaining host of "Imus in the Morning," has been, of late, querying each of his male guests about any sexual relationship involving Mary Cheney, the daughter of the Vice President of the United States. Imus is conducting a personal investigation in order to determine the true parentage of the pregnant admitted lesbian.

Frodo notes a certain similarity in the appearance and the demeanor of the Komodo Dragon and the Cheney family. The long winter nights in Wyoming make for very strange bedfellows, supposes Frodo, and it is certainly the most sparsely distributed population in all of the lower 48 states. Imus may want to consider genetic testing.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
But It's Only Make Believe
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"Wanda Hickey's Night of Golden Memories" was Frodo's initial confrontation with a fearless comic chronicler of the Twentieth Century in America. Despite all evidence to the contrary, PLAYBOY magazine was widely-read by those seeking additional information about John Dillinger, why toes curl during sex, and what caused Jimmy Carter to "lust in my heart." Jean Shepherd was introduced to Hobbits and Elves alike beside the glistening likenesses of Barbi Benton and all her sisters-in-air-brush-magic.

Ralphie was Shepherd's character who desperately wanted a Red Ryder BB-Gun for Christmas, and his adventures that winter caught the imagination of an entire generation who were not ashamed to admit that they, too, had stuck their tongue on at least one frozen flagpole. The TV adaptation of Shepherd's short story is a part of television viewing as real as either Jimmy Stewart, Ed Asner, or Natalie Wood. Darren McGavin portrayed the Father of "Everyman" who had failed to recall a single item of desire while seated on Santa's knee. Who among us can ever forget the display of the only thing that Ralphie's Dad had ever won?

It was reported recently that the house, in Cleveland Ohio, which was the backdrop for that marvelous TV production, was sold via E-Bay, over the Internet, for $150,000. The purchaser has converted the house into a museum, charging $5 for the tour, and opened an obligatory gift shop across the street. Amidst the Tee shirts, the bulls-eye targets, and the snowsuits with bunny feet, there is one mail-order item which is making the venture into a real money maker. As of this writing more than $700,000 in orders of "leg lamps" have been shipped to purchasers around the world. These duplicates of McGavin's display in the front window have become a cult classic.

Frodo eventually got his Red Ryder BB-Gun, he beat the hell out of the neighborhood bully after years of misery, and he always thought that the little house on Buchanan Street would make a great museum. He thinks of these things every time he thumbs through an old copy of PLAYBOY.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:44 PM EST
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