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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
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"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
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"Spoonerized" (6)
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"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
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"Tax Driver" (9)
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"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
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"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
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"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
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"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
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"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
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"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
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"The Second Amendment"
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"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
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"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Unconditional Surrender"
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"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
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"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
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"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
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"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
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"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
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"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
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"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
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"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
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"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, January 22, 2007
Don't Be Cruel To a Heart That's True
Mood:  happy
Topic: "High Chair" (2)
Frodo dialed "911" at least three times over the years, for he was convinced that John McCormack was dead. With all due respect, the guy was a walking corpse, and sitting up there listening to all that crap as if he really cared, would be enough to take the measure of anyone. Tip O'Neill, despite all his political wisdom, had a bulbous nose, and he always looked as if he'd had a snoot full before the speech even started. Newt Gingrich and Dennis Hastert both looked as if they were shifting about in order to surreptitously pass gas. Nancy Pelosi should, by default, tomorrow night, be the prettiest thing to ever sit in that chair behind the President, and beside the (shudder) Vice President.

Frodo sincerely hopes that she not appear in a pants suit, for fear that George W. Bush may become distracted and mistake her for Laura. After all, the speech will begin right about the normal bedtime for the current version of Bonzo.

Further, Frodo recommends that the Speakeress keep her arms crossed throughout the speech, and that she remain seated at all times. Should the President, by some miracle, actually construct an intelligible sentence, which reflects any modicum of rational thought, by merely tweaking her nose (ala "Bewitched") the Members of the House and Senate can proffer polite applause in recognition. Otherwise, the gentlemen of the House and Senate would be in total confusion about when to courteously stand or be seated.

Frankly, Frodo is hoping that Ms. Pelosi tastefully exhibit jewelry. A small gold brick should dangle from her charm bracelet, to symbolize the accomplishments of the recently concluded 109th Congress. A yellow ribbon, over her heart, symbolizing those of us who wait for all our boys to come home. And yes an American Flag, perhaps on a necklace, with diamonds, rubies, and sapphires.

Tomorrow night, Nancy Pelosi will sit where no woman has sat before. You go, girl!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EST
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Sunday, January 21, 2007
Tomorrow May Rain, So I'll Follow The Sun
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Who dat?" (2)
Duke Snider was a great baseball player who proffered the fact that he played the game for the money, not because of some pure affection for the game. In those days, one would've thought that he had admitted to a certain sympathy for Communism. It was the "national pastime," and it was an honor to walk where Babe Ruth had walked, or stand where Walter Johnson had stood. It was beyond comprehension for anyone to expect that he could play for whom he wanted, and that he could negotiate his own financial deal. Something called the "reserve clause" allowed the financial owners of the major league francises to treat their players as chattel. Duke Snider's suggestion that money was an issue was a direct frontal assault on the special treatment afforded team owners.

"My, my, how times have changed," said Frodo as he stared at the make-up of the various football teams contesting for the right to go to the Super Bowl. The New Orleans Saints, who had a worse record than every other team in the entire National Footbal League, except one, were getting ready to face the Chicago Bears for the NFC title this year. The revamped Saints success revolved around "free agent" Drew Brees, their quarterback for the next 6 seasons at $10 Million per season.

The allegiance of player, coach, community, and fan is long gone in American professional sports. Duke Snider was merely a predictor of the prevailing attitude that ensnarls our games into our business. Despite all of that, Frodo couldn't help but root for the Saints in their game, if not merely for the fans, who really deserve some good news, and a good reason to cheer. Alas, it was not to be.

Brooks Robinson, the Hall of Fame Third Baseman of the Baltimore Orioles once received a blank contract from the owner of the Orioles. The owner explained that Robinson was such a great player, that he represented everything that the Orioles wanted to be, and that he was an Ambassador-at-large for their community. For that reason, he told Robinson to put in a figure as the salary he thought he deserved for the upcoming season.


My, my, how times have changed.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:35 PM EST
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Friday, January 19, 2007
Believe It or Not It's Just Me
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Great American Hero" (2)

Dutch Van Kirk was a veteran of 58 flights over Europe as 1943 came to an end. In addition to bombing German cities, he'd flown Eisenhower and Mark Clark into North Africa. The rotational nature of wartime piloting however, meant that his next assignments would reduce his exposure to harm's way. Despite the importance of the training that he could provide to those who would follow, he was quick to take advantage of an opportunity to return to his Navigator's role. To this day he and Paul Tibbets disagree as to whether or not he volunteered when asked if he would be interested in a new assignment, this time in the Pacific.

Frodo placed his chin in the cup of his fingers as he listened, enthralled, to the remembrances of the 86 year-old resident of Stone Mountain, Georgia. Van Kirk spoke of the security measures surrounding the training, which took place in remote corners of the globe including Cuba, the Phillipines, and the Northern Marianna Islands. Military personnel who disclosed information, even inadvertently, found themselves reassigned to the Aleutian Islands. He told the entire roomful of people that he got to know many of the non-military scientists personally, and that Enrico Fermi and Robert Oppenheimer were often offering suggestions and asking questions of him. In the end, he said, they told him their best guess was that the plane would have to be at least nine miles away from the site when the explosion occurred.

 "You guess?," he said.

The night before they took off, neither he nor Tibbets, nor any of the other crew members slept a wink.

 "We played poker, all of us." When the game was over, the crew felt as if they were entering a Hollywood movie set, although there were no media present, at all. Then at 2:45 AM, their plane taxied down the runway and, even though it was more than 8800 pounds overweight, lifted to 2000 feet where they held steady until they reached Iwo Jima. Their instructions were not to land anywhere if trouble occurred.

 From Iwo the "Enola B Gay" climbed to 30,000 feet, and Tibbets levelled her at that altitude until they approached the target. To this point, the entire mission was flawless. Exactly 12 seconds past the prescribed moment, and 1800 feet from the surface of the Earth, the bomb exploded. It took exactly 43 seconds for the 9400 pound package to escape the plane and to detonate. As soon as it was released, Tibbets turned the plane 150 degrees, nose down, and at full throttle the plane would be 12 miles away when the blast commenced.

 All of the crew wore dark glasses, and none of the cockpit crew saw anything other than the sensation of light coming from behind. The rear turret gunner saw the first shock wave coming. When it struck it was as if flak was exploding about the plane. A second shock wave followed shortly thereafter.

 "At Nagasaki," he said, "there was a third shock wave. That was because it was a plutonium bomb. The one we dropped was the only U-235 bomb, and that was because it used up all the U-235 which had taken Oak Ridge three full years to manufacture." "In fact, the Japanese knew that we didn't have enough U-235 to make another bomb, and that is why they didn't respond to the first call to unconditional surrender. They didn't believe we could do it again, so soon."

Frodo had not remembered to breathe for the last several minutes; just listening.

 "We circled back, but by then there was only a cloud stretching beyond 50,000 feet, and we were unable to see anything of the earth's surface, so we headed home to Tinian. We could see the cloud in the distance some 267 miles later."

 Van Kirk said that every general and admiral in the whole American military establishment was waiting for them when they landed. When the de-briefings were over Van Kirk exercised the committment given to him previously, and he left active duty and returned home.

From the audience a gentleman introduced himself, and stated that he was a US Marine, on Okinawa, on that fateful day in August, 1945, and that he had always wanted to shake the hands of the men who brought the War to an end. Frodo felt his heart in his throat as the once-warriors embraced.

Dutch van Kirk had a moment in time, just as Andy Warhol so eloquently described of us all. His moment changed the world, forever. There are many remarkable people, and Frodo got to know one more. It is Frodo's good fortune.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Some People Are Made of Wood
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Royal Portrait" (2)
Frodo has been considering what exactly a President with no support will do for the next two years. Senators Chuck Hagel (R-Ne) and Olympia Snowe (R-Me) added credence to the dissolution of power in the Imperial Presidency of George W. Bush (Moron-Tx), by their public statements this day. Coming down solidly opposed to the "augmentation" of the proposed American military expansion in Iraq, the Senators have set the stage for fellow Republicans to apppear as judicious in their decision making, and wise beyond their partisan concerns.

It is but a question of time before a John Warner (R-Va) or Trent Lott (R-Ms), senior political statesmen, apply a political "coup de grace" to the increasingly bizarre Bush Administration. Frodo feels that Lott is the sentimental favorite, personally lobbying behind the scenes to revenge the lack of support from the Administration when demoted from the Majority Leader position in the Senate. If the truth be told, there will probably be a bit of a feeding frenzy around the naked corpse of the hallucinogenic alcoholic from Crawford. His many slights of Congresspeople in his own Party have not personally endeared him to many.

Frodo envisions the eventual unveiling of the George W. Bush Presidential portrait as one of the most spectacularly outstanding exhibitions in American Art History. Bush will have nothing else to do but sit for his portrait for the next two years. It will be hard for any artist to screw up the picture of a white man with a stick up his butt, sitting on a pet goat, in the nude.

Almost as ridiculous in his mind's eye, says Frodo, as trying to imagine how the people who voted for this clod, twice, must now feel.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:43 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Really Love Your Peaches, Really Wanna Shake Your Tree
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "There is a Virginia" (2)
The execution of Saddam Hussein, the revised "stragedy" of the failed leader, and the "State of the Union" address, all of which comprise Frodo's predicted "perfect storm," culminate on the evening of January 23rd. The Presidential address will be followed by the Democratic response. This year, the response will be presented by newly-elected United States Senator James Webb (D-Va).

Oh boy!

If ever a shot will be fired across the bow of the Bush Ship of State, the red-headed former Secretary of the Navy will be the one pulling the trigger. Webb, who wears a pair of combat boots as long as his son remains on active duty in Iraq, will speak with both his mind and his heart out there for all to see. If ever a contrast is to be drawn between the ideological and the practical, on national television, that offers more than Edward R. Murrow and Senator Joseph McCarthy did fifty years ago, then the airwaves should be electric one week from tonight.

So many times Frodo has felt as if his voice echoed only in the forest, where trees fall, and no one knows the sound. So many have failed to stand and fight, and those who did were dismissed with a backward flip of the hand. Those who cried out sang only for the choir, and the planes landed at Dover, and no one dared film the coffins. It was as if an entire people were living out the first great song from Simon & Garfunkel.

Frodo will be standing alongside Senator Webb, watch for him. He is the little Macaca with tears in his eyes.

Yes Santa Claus, there is a Virginia. And in Springfield, Illinois, a former State Delegate, named Barack Obama, announced the creation of an exploratory committee to assess the potential for a presidential campaign. America, it seems, is returning to the strongest of her roots in order to rise from the ashes of deceit and incompetence.

Oh boy!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EST
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Monday, January 15, 2007
I Know I've Got To Find Some Kind Of Peace of Mind
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Stragedy" (2)
On purpose, Frodo has spent several days thinking about the world outside the Shire. Despite his intense distrust of anything proposed by George W. Bush, Frodo felt that context was a necessary next step. Despite Frodo's grave doubts about the course chosen by the American President, he felt it was important to dissect the variables. Failure to do so is exactly what Frodo uses to base his criticism of the Bush, dare he use the word, leadership. Frodo feels that George W. Bush had never heard the terms "Sunni" or "Shiite" until after the commencement of the Pre-Emptive War. That is why the conflict has spiraled totally out of his control.

Under the new, and improved, Bush plan, American troops are to be "embedded" with units of the Iraqi Army as "trainers" and "logistical support." The Bush Administration argues that this places the onus on the Iraqis to do the actual fighting, and puts them in the "lead."

Frodo questions the definition. Do the Iraqis interpret this to mean that the American troops embedded in one of their units come under the direction, and hence military command, of the Iraqis? Do the American soldiers obey direct orders issued by Iraqis, even if it contradicts instructions issued by their senior officers before they were embedded? If, dear reader, you were to ask George W. Bush, you might get one answer, but if you ask Mr. Maliki, you might get another. The point being that the variable of "command" is at best, unclear. It seems virtually impossible to issue definitive guidelines when the heat of battle may change the situation to one of life-and-death, or to one of criminal-versus-civil.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are embedded with an Iraqi unit, which just happens to be predominantly Sunni in its' make-up, and the unit comes under heavy fire from an "insurgent" group, say it just happens to be al Sadr's Mahdi Army, which is of course Shiite. Following your orders from the American command, you help to deploy the unit and to lay down small arms fire. It is becoming evident that the unit you are with is about to be overrun, and that the lives of all are in peril. The Unit commander orders you to lead a flanking movement and to "take no prisoners." Are you going to stand there, or squat if you don't want to risk getting shot, and tell him that you cannot do so? Is he going to draw his pistol and tell you to obey his command, or he's going to blow your infidel head off?

George, not having engaged in combat outside the auspices of the Alabama Air National Guard, didn't discuss that in his stirring speech, did he? Frodo asks, who is in command? The result of this obfuscation is blood in the street, and it will probably be from some kid from Pittsburgh, or Daly City, or Rollins, or Greeneville, and quite possibly from all of them. Mistakes, he's made a few, so who's to think that what is now proposed is error-free?

Not Frodo.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EST
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
Hotter Than a Matchhead
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Augmentation" (2)

Frodo stands silently, peering into the entrance of the cave atop Mount Doom.  Loyal Sam is with him, and the Fellowship of the Ring stands defiantly before the Black Gate, awaiting the charge of Sauron's Army.  Smeagol will challenge Frodo's effort to destroy the Ring, to ensure that the forces of death and destruction continue unabated, without end. 

The Secretary of State told Senator Hagel that the President's increase in troop deployment to Iraq is an "augmentation," as opposed to the term "escalation" that he used.  The addition of 21,000 troops specifically to the city limits of Baghdad and to neighboring An Bar Province is supposed to, as Frodo understands it, prevent "sectarian violence" in the area, allowing the "good guys" to police areas even after they have been cleansed of "bad guys." 

21,000 troops.

Frodo wonders if Secretary Rice is aware of the fact that in New York City there are 45,000 police officers.  

The President of the United States today presented, posthumously, the Medal of Honor to the family of the second American to receive this designation in the Pre-emptive War.   The President appeared teary-eyed and genuinely moved by the solemnity of the service.

Frodo wonders if President Bush would've been equally moved had he attended the young man's funeral.

Senator Boxer told Secretary Rice that she had extreme concerns for the safety of her children and grandchildren because of the incompetent handling of the conduct of this War.  She noted that since Secretary Rice doesn't have children that she is unable to share that concern.

Frodo wonders if anyone in the White House can share the Senator's concerns for the future of their family members serving in the Armed Forces.

Protestors in Lafayette Park, and loud they are.  They are calling Frodo, and telling him that the time is nigh.  Smeagol be damned.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:01 PM EST
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Monday, January 8, 2007
Do This, Don't Do That, Can't You Read The Sign?
Mood:  mischievious
In the year 2008, more than 500,000 foreigners will arrive in Beijing for the Summer Olympic Games. Those who speak English may be greeted by signs which reflect a certain difficulty in translation. Frodo has previewed the following samples of actual menu items and public signs which caused some consternation for the intended: a plate of fish on a bed of seaweed is translated as "Crap in the Grass;" and a spicy Sushi dish was identified as "Hot Crap." It seems that the inversion of 'a' and 'r' is a rather frequent occurence in China.

A sign warning of a wet floor in a shopping center subtly stated that "The Slippery are very Crafty." A public service sign for the public WC clearly identified the "Deformed Man Toilet." Frodo was quite concerned when he saw a road sign pointing to the entrance to "Racist Park," an amusement park that celebrates Chinese diversity (or does it?).

Brand names may also suffer, as does "Grandma Chen's Pockmarked Tofu," the "Christmas Bland" latte available at Starbuck's, and, of course, "Swallowing the Clouds," which probably has something to do with marshmallows.

300 English phrases are being taught to 48,000 taxi drivers who are being extolled as the introducers of "Chinglish." This valiant attempt at linguistic detente has its' own problems, such as the instructions on a Chinese-made candle which will warn the purchaser to "keep this candle out of children." Frodo has absolutely no problem with the literal aspect of said instruction.

All comedy aside, there is a greater problem here and it impacts directly on American Foreign Policy. Frodo believes that there is at least one resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue who would never notice. Unfortunately, his name is not Barney.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:19 PM EST
Updated: Monday, January 8, 2007 8:26 PM EST
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Sunday, January 7, 2007
The County Judge Held a Grudge For The Band On The Run
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Hold On Romo" (2)

Frodo's disdain for the State of Texas is well-documented.  Chronologically, Frodo's opinion begins in San Antonio, where the Alamo is designated as the sacred symbol of the independence won from Mexico.  Davy Crockett, Sam Houston, and a countless number of the other participants, were from Tennessee.  Most Texans were too chicken-hearted to even take a break from their busy schedules.  Geologically speaking, Texas is an ugly stretchmark upon the body of the United States.  Were it not for the petroleum deposits and the cattle trails passing through the state, there would be absolutely no reason for any human or halfling to consider anything other than transit through this wretched, treeless entrance to Hell.

The only United States Secretary of the Treasury to declare personal bankruptcy was a Texan,  John Connolly.   The President of the United States who first created deficit spending in a vain attempt to maintain both "guns and butter" was a Texan, Lyndon Johnson.  The worst traffic jam in the history of the United States occurred during the government-sponsored evacuation from Houston preceding Hurricane Wilma in October, 2006.  All of these facts, and undoubtedly thousands more, pall before the reality that the only President of the United States to do damage to our country, who is by every imaginable standard the worst President we have ever known, is also a Texan.  Frodo is content not even mentioning the moron's name.

Frodo has often said that the only good thing coming out of the State of Texas is the highway sign that says "You are Now Leaving."  Frodo particularly dislikes the Dallas Cowboys Football Team, an organization arrogant enough to call itself "America's Team."  Frodo exhibits his dark side when he revels in the disgrace of the Cowboys on national television, in front of God and country.  Yesterday was one such day, and Frodo's celebration continues even now.

The arrogant and ignorant fans of the Cowboys were in love with a rookie quarterback named Tony Romo.  Given their lack of knowledge, they were attempting to elevate him to sainthood for having done relatively well in a few games early in the season.   Every Texas sweetie with chemically-enhanced glands was hot for the new hero.  That is, until yesterday.

In case you didn't see it, Frodo has the scene laminated for future viewing.  It shows Romo mis-handling the snap from center just as the Cowboys were attempting to kick a game-winning field goal.  He was tackled with the ball in his possession, and the Cowboys lost the game, eliminating themselves from the Championship Play-Offs. 

He walked, all alone, back to the clubhouse, and not one single teammate was shown even trying to console the kid.

Class act, eh?  The eyes of Texas are on Tony Romo, and their minds are in the gutter.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 6:33 PM EST
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Saturday, January 6, 2007
These Are Honky Tonk Women
Mood:  flirty
Topic: "So Who's Sluggo?" (2)

Frodo has been considering the inevitability of politics in America, and how even the noblest always seem to be something else when history fully examines the corpus of the times.  John Fitzgerald Kennedy, who energized a nation, and brought a generation to ask what they could do to help, was probably sexually active with a bimbo sponsored by the Mafia.  Ronald Reagan, who made it politic to be patriotic, and initiated a revolution in political implementation, most probably violated the law and his Constitutional authority.  Universally, politicial leaders of all shapes and sizes have succumbed to the call of pecuniary and glandular interests.  This has caused Frodo to wonder about the sudden and marked presence of the feminine gender in positions of power, and what may happen in the days, and weeks, and months, and years to come.

"Madame President?"

"Yes Mr. Smeagol, what can I do for you?"

"Madame President, I was once a mere Hobbit, now I am here to inform you of a matter of great concern to your loyal supporters in the Shire."

"I see, and what might this entail?"

"Madame President, as you know, your support during the last election included an astounding percentage of registered voters in the Shire, and contributions by working Hobbits to your political campaign were far above the average of all Middle Earth."

"I am aware of the generous support of my constituents in the Shire.  Your President is grateful.  What is it that you seek, Mr. Smeagol?"

"Madame President, have you ever toured the Godiva Chocolate Factory?  One of my business associates is arranging a weekend for certain favored consumers and friends of the company to bathe in the luxury of the finest designer chocolates in the world, and your friends in the Shire would be honored to arrange for you to join us."

"Godiva, you say?  Hmmm, one of my favorite products of the Shire.  However, I believe we stray from my question?"

"Madame President, I appreciate your focus, and wonder if you wouldn't like to perhaps attend an Armani Fashion Show after the factory tour?  Given your exquisite taste, it would be an inspirational opportunity to review the contributions of American business to the growing economic trends in our nation."

"Armani?  A Fashion Show??

"Excuse me, Madame President?"

(Enter, stage left, the President's Chief of Staff, Prince William, Son of the Prince of Wales, who has been in attendance, but busily polishing his saber during the conduct of the meeting).

"Yes Billy?"

"Madame President, it might be fortuitous to associate yourself with the upcoming product line of this nature.  The economic benefit to a loyal constituent, the image of an aggressive and successful effort within a growing economy, and, undoubtedly, the gratitude of a corporate sponsor, all  are positives to your re-election campaign," said the young man with the rounded buttocks.

"Madame President, if I may?," added Smeagol.

"You may."

"We can also arrange for selected gowns and accessories to be made available to you for specific State occasions. . ."

"What accessories?"

"Oh, trifles to be sure.  Tiaras, a few bracelets, a brooch or two, all tastefully garnished in semi-precious stones.  Nothing too ornate.  Just something to make sure that there is no repeat of the infamous Laura Bush and two other red dresses at the same affair at the White House."

"I remember that, of course.  These would be loaners, and I would be under no obligation?"

"But of course, all strictly on the up-and-up, and with absolutely no strings attached.  In fact, you will probably never even remember anything about the donors.  They will never bring it up.  They have enough on their mind with that silly little issue with the IRS."

"What issue?"

"Oh, it's nothing.  it seems that the IRS had some minor questions about their working relationship with the Godiva people.  It's nothing really."

"Do you think we should have Billy look into it for us?"

"I think that might be good business."

"Okay, now what was the issue on your mind?"

"Oh forget about it, you're far too busy for such a trivial matter now, someday I'll simply make you an offer you can't refuse."

(The President exits, stage right, with a box of bon-bons).  







Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:25 PM EST
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