Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Takin' Care of Business And Workin' Overtime
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Pilot Wales" (2)
Forty eight years ago, the Federal Aviation Administration felt it necessary to require the retirement of commercial airline pilots at age 60. This, so the prevailing logic went, would lessen the possibility of disaster resulting from lessened reflexes or health problems. The result, for the benefit of military pilots moving into the civilian workforce, was increased flow of opportunity to move into the cockpits of the airline industry. The wisdom of the rule-making was not questioned seriously, for it was implemented around the world.

Ah, but the stick-jockeys themselves got very grumpy, and continued to raise the issue about forced retirement. Testosterone is a powerful sanity inhibitor, as certainly the Presidency of George W. Bush exhibits, and the depth of the pilots' chagrin grew annually. The Air Line Pilots' Association, their Union if you will, however took stance against the old fuds, opting to support the new guys.

Today, the Administrator of the Federal Aviation Administration, an inane political appointee, announced her support for raising the mandatory retirement age for commercial airline pilots to age 65. She cited the recent change by one of the foreign commercial carrier organizations to similarly raise the mandatory retirement age. She added that increased lifespan, and improved health, gave credence to this proposed action.

"Excuse me," said Frodo. "Is this not the same US Government that is railing against the increased obesity of Americans? Isn't it potentially even more dangerous to cram a bunch of fat guys into the cockpit?"

Sam actually came forth with a pretty good idea in response. Sam proposes that the Federal Aviation Administration should seek to limit the passengers to those over the age of 65. Not only would the flights be safer (how many potential terrorists over the age of 65 have you seen, dear reader?), but flights would be more serene (without one shrieking infant).

Frodo is going to write to his United States Representative, a squirrely little Republican physician with a scraggly mustache and the credibility of a kumquat. He supposes that Congressman Price could also be convinced that those seeking alternative means of transportation might actually walk or ride a bicycle.

Frodo doesn't really have anything against pilots wanting to do what they have always done best. He feels much the same way about doctors, lawyers, and tax accountants. He notes however that young doctors, lawyers, and tax accountants are hungrier, and willing to do more for less. Frodo sure would like to cut his next air fare by about $100 and get bumped into first class. Anybody listening Delta?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Monday, January 29, 2007

Poetry in Motion
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Frodo and Housman" (2)
With appropriate apologies to the late A.E. Housman for the substitutions, in part, by Frodo:

The time you won your town the race
We cheered you through the market-place;
Hobbit and man stood side by side,
Everyone cheered, no one cried.

To-day, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields where glory does not stay
And early through the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears;

Now you will not swell the rout
Of steeds that wore their honours out,
Horses whom renown outran
And the name died before a van.

So set, before its echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended Breeder's Cup.

And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl's.

Godspeed Barbaro--Frodo has a broken heart this night.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:46 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I'm Going Away With My Friend
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "Rubber Ducky" (2)

Tom Bombadil is Frodo's closest neighbor in the Shire. Some time ago, during a frenzy of garden landscaping, Tom placed a rather ordinary birdbath in the middle of his backyard. To encourage feathred visitors to take note, and to perhaps find a purpose for one of those items long saved and rarely used, Tom set a smal rubber duck afloat in the midst of the birdbath.

Frodo immediately recalled a talented, and busty, performer who danced a little dance to the tune "Rubber Ducky" at a certain nightclub on Printer's Alley in Nashville, years ago. Appropriately covered in shaving cream, she found opportunity in an appropriate squeezing of her prominent anatomy whenever the words "Rubber Ducky" made their way into the tune. Perhaps to our avian neighbors, Tom Bombadil's lure would similarly bring joy to an entire species.

One Sunday, not long ago, Frodo was accompanying Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, to their early morning romp on the soccer field of the school in the Shire. Mick, the Wonder Dog, particularly enjoys the hot pursuit of a mini-soccer ball before it enters the net of the goal on either end of the field. Fiona merely searches for discarded cookies, candy, and other detritus which she assumes to be both edible and rewarding. Returning to the Shire after the romp, Frodo noticed several large and raucous crows in the barren trees of winter in the rear of Tom Bombadil's garden. One of the crows, near the top of a tall sweetgum, had something light-colored in its' beak. From that distance, Frodo was unable to ascertain exactly what the thief had garnered. Frodo was well aware that crows are brazen thieves, and that stories abound of car keys, wedding rings, and other precious objects found in discarded crows' nests. Frodo thought no more of it as he needed to tend to the roamings of Fiona, now gagging and disposing of her ill-gotten treasures from the same orifice as entry.

Later that day, while he labored in his own garden, Frodo happened to glance toward the birdbath in Tom Bombadil's backyard. Alas, the rubber ducky was no more. Investigating, Frodo walked into Tom's yard in order to pay greater attention. There, underneath the tree in which the robber crow had perched, Frodo found the errant rubber ducky. After closely examining the crime victim Frodo returned it to Tom Bombadil's birdbath. The crow had evidently found little purpose in either holding the rubber ducky for ransom, or having additional pleasure with her/it. In any event, the crime had been solved and all parties were back where they belonged.

When Frodo recounted the tale to Tom Bombadil, the two of them compared the events to the current state of affairs in the world of humans and halflings. "It is, I suppose," said Tom, "a reflection of the fact that you can't trust anybody these days."

"Well Tom, I think it's something more," said Frodo. "I think that once the crow found out that the rubber ducky had no intrinsic value, that it held little pleasurable potential, and that it wasn't registered to vote, that they spit him out and cast him aside."

The neighbors concluded, half in jest, that the ducknapping reminded them both of the disputed election of 2000. No one will ever know exactly what the crime was, and the criminals got away, with impunity.

Frodo is still thinking about all that shaving cream, and the tune wanders about in his temporal lobe.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:16 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, January 26, 2007

Filled With Sadness, Filled With Gloom
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)

Governor Sonny Perdue of the Great State of Georgia is a bald, born again, overweight, teetotaller Republican (Frodo recognizes that one of these tends to beget the others). Perdue has stated his personal opposition to the heavily-publicly supported legislation to allow Sunday sales of beer and wine. His exact words were that although the legislation may pass "it'll have a pretty tough time getting the last vote." This perceived threat to exercise his veto authority has given rise to discussion about the hypocrisy of those who argue for less "government interference," but have some sort of need to offer legislation relative to how every one should behave, whether they want to or not.

Frodo's favorite exhibition of true government leadership extends back to a gentleman known as Noah S. "Soggy" Sweat, Jr. who acceeded to the Mississippi State Legislature in 1952. Soggy gave a speech in that year commenting on distilled spirits in the Magnolia State (Frodo notes that friend "Verboten" is awash with anticipation at this moment).

He began, "You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey. If when you say whiskey you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it."

"But;

"If when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget it, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

"This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise."

Soggy served but a single term in the Mississippi State Legislature. It is to be noted that bootleggers and Baptist preachers have flourished ever since.

"Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Our Nation turns its' lonely eyes to you. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:13 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, January 25, 2007

There's Plenty of Work And The Bosses Are Payin'
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
Dick Cheney stated on "Meet the Press" that he did not know who authorized the mission that resulted in Joseph Wilson being sent to Africa. Sworn testimony in Federal Court documents now that Cheney, himself, commissioned the mission. Dick Cheney also stated on the same television show that he did not have any personal knowledge of the identity of this Joseph Wilson. Sworn testimony today revealed that Cheney and his assistant, Scooter Libby, charged with perjury, were briefed at exactly the same moment by the same person that not only was Wilson commissioned by the CIA for the assignment, but that his wife, Valerie Plame, was an operating agent of the CIA.

What makes all of this important is that Cheney, and Frodo has no capacity to judge his motivations, directed others to reveal, surreptitiously, that Wilson's mission was authorized by Wilson's wife, who was an employee of the CIA. The concomitant result is that Wilson's report was not used to contradict the allegation that Iraq was seeking nuclear materials in order to build a bomb. Wilson's report, of course, has proven to be correct, and Plame's identification has totally compromised her capacity to perform as she has been trained.

Under the absolute best of circumstances, Dick Cheney, for whatever reason, suppressed information which could have been used to prevent the United States from initiating a Pre-Emptive War against the existing Iraqi government. Cheney, in his own defense, argued on CNN yesterday that the War was fully justified, and that the United States action is unquestionably in our best interest.

The facts are that 3,069 American troops are now dead. Dick Cheney has not attended one single funeral. More than 30,000 Iraqis died from combat-related injuries within the past year (note: every source reports figures higher than this, save one, so Frodo uses the most conservative figure possible). The length of time that US troops have been deployed in conflict has now exceeded the length of deployment experienced by American troops during World War II. Two American soldiers have received, posthumously, the Medal of Honor for their action against whomever it is that we are fighting in Iraq. Paul Bremer, George Tenet, and General Tommy Franks have all received the Presidential Medal of Freedom for their participation in the planning and implementation of this military disaster.

Frodo would make the assumption that the planning of the War, and the implementation of the Recovery, were superior to the performance of American troops. Surely, since the planners and implementers lead in medals three-to-two. It deserves a special Frodo note that the actual value-cost of a Medal of Honor is somewhat less than $20. The components of a Presidential Medal of Freedom, on the other hand, exceed $600.

Frodo might also assume from much of the factual data above that Dick Cheney bears much of the responsibility for both the initiation and the continuing conduct of the War which has cost the United States far more than $400 Billion, and has created an Anti-American animosity which unquestionably exceeds that of any other point in out national history.

He got pissed off at Wolf Blitzer because a question was raised about his personal relationship with his pregnant daughter, an avowed lesbian.

Isn't it about time somebody asked some questions about just what makes this character tick? In open testimony today, Senator Joseph Biden charged that Cheney has been proved wrong on every single statement he has made about this obscene disaster facing our nation. Similarly, Senator John McCain, a fellow Republican, charged that the President has been ill-served by his reliance on the advice of this Vice President.

Frodo has spent time considering what public servant exactly, in all of American History, has performed so unsuccessfully in his role as to compare to that of Dick Cheney. Given his limitations, Frodo can only come up with one other who has truly done damage to his country at a level which even remotely compares to what Dick Cheney has wrought.

Wanna guess? Gee, ain't we lucky? Two at the same time, and Rumsfeld is a close third.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:03 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Oh Stormy, Bring Back That Sunny Day
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Is That in America?" (2)
"Mr. Snow, Frodo here, from the SHIRE STAR & ENQUIRER."

"Yes Mr. Frodo, I recognize you."

"Sir, I have a question about the Presidents' State of the Union Address to the American People last night."

"Before you begin Mr. Frodo, let me tell you that we now refer to that as SOTU, and it was presented by POTUS."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, last night's address is now to be referred to as SOTU POTUS."

"Okay, well, if you don't mind I think many people were surprised by the fact that POTUS never made any mention whatsoever of the events surrounding Hurricane Katrina and the continuing effort to rebuild The City of Orleans, in his SOTU. Was that intentional, or merely an oversight?"

"Excellent question Mr. Frodo, for it is true that SOTU by POTUS was not a SNAFU, rather it was actually a deliberate act. POTUS is preparing to announce a new energy initiative which will also provide positive emphasis to our continuing economic growth."

"So, what does that have to do with what I guess you now call NOLA?"

"Very good Mr. Frodo, you're catching on."

"You see the POTUS is working on a plan for the displaced refugees from NOLA to apply their knowledge of the oil & gas industry in the AWRDP. High-paying jobs in energy exploration will be offered to these people from an energy-rich state, and this will help reduce our dependence on foreign oil. It'll help POTUS in the War against Terrorism."

"Excuse me, Mr. Snow, what is AWRDP?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you knew, it's the exploration for oil and gas deposits in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge as it is sometimes called. We refer to it as AWRDP."

"Are you serious? He's talking about sending a bunch of black people from the 9th Ward of NOLA to AWRDP in order to drill for oil?"

"Actually, the plan specifically calls for AADIP's to be housed in excess FEMA trailers while in the AWRDP as part of the effort by POTUS to expand upon the SOTU."

"I hazard to ask. AADIP's?"

"Yes, African-American Displaced Indigent Peoples, that is what is now known as AADIP's."

"Tony?"

"Yes Mr. Frodo?"

"Why didn't the POTUS mention this last night?"

"Well the TSA, which is, of course, part of the DHS, was concerned that without the AG present, the POTUS SOTU on AWRDP for AADIP's might come across as a SNAFU by FEMA."

"Sorry I asked."

"Well, frankly, that's exactly the response I was hoping to get."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, January 22, 2007

Don't Be Cruel To a Heart That's True
Mood:

happy
Topic: "High Chair" (2)
Frodo dialed "911" at least three times over the years, for he was convinced that John McCormack was dead. With all due respect, the guy was a walking corpse, and sitting up there listening to all that crap as if he really cared, would be enough to take the measure of anyone. Tip O'Neill, despite all his political wisdom, had a bulbous nose, and he always looked as if he'd had a snoot full before the speech even started. Newt Gingrich and Dennis Hastert both looked as if they were shifting about in order to surreptitously pass gas. Nancy Pelosi should, by default, tomorrow night, be the prettiest thing to ever sit in that chair behind the President, and beside the (shudder) Vice President.

Frodo sincerely hopes that she not appear in a pants suit, for fear that George W. Bush may become distracted and mistake her for Laura. After all, the speech will begin right about the normal bedtime for the current version of Bonzo.

Further, Frodo recommends that the Speakeress keep her arms crossed throughout the speech, and that she remain seated at all times. Should the President, by some miracle, actually construct an intelligible sentence, which reflects any modicum of rational thought, by merely tweaking her nose (ala "Bewitched") the Members of the House and Senate can proffer polite applause in recognition. Otherwise, the gentlemen of the House and Senate would be in total confusion about when to courteously stand or be seated.

Frankly, Frodo is hoping that Ms. Pelosi tastefully exhibit jewelry. A small gold brick should dangle from her charm bracelet, to symbolize the accomplishments of the recently concluded 109th Congress. A yellow ribbon, over her heart, symbolizing those of us who wait for all our boys to come home. And yes an American Flag, perhaps on a necklace, with diamonds, rubies, and sapphires.

Tomorrow night, Nancy Pelosi will sit where no woman has sat before. You go, girl!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Tomorrow May Rain, So I'll Follow The Sun
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Who dat?" (2)
Duke Snider was a great baseball player who proffered the fact that he played the game for the money, not because of some pure affection for the game. In those days, one would've thought that he had admitted to a certain sympathy for Communism. It was the "national pastime," and it was an honor to walk where Babe Ruth had walked, or stand where Walter Johnson had stood. It was beyond comprehension for anyone to expect that he could play for whom he wanted, and that he could negotiate his own financial deal. Something called the "reserve clause" allowed the financial owners of the major league francises to treat their players as chattel. Duke Snider's suggestion that money was an issue was a direct frontal assault on the special treatment afforded team owners.

"My, my, how times have changed," said Frodo as he stared at the make-up of the various football teams contesting for the right to go to the Super Bowl. The New Orleans Saints, who had a worse record than every other team in the entire National Footbal League, except one, were getting ready to face the Chicago Bears for the NFC title this year. The revamped Saints success revolved around "free agent" Drew Brees, their quarterback for the next 6 seasons at $10 Million per season.

The allegiance of player, coach, community, and fan is long gone in American professional sports. Duke Snider was merely a predictor of the prevailing attitude that ensnarls our games into our business. Despite all of that, Frodo couldn't help but root for the Saints in their game, if not merely for the fans, who really deserve some good news, and a good reason to cheer. Alas, it was not to be.

Brooks Robinson, the Hall of Fame Third Baseman of the Baltimore Orioles once received a blank contract from the owner of the Orioles. The owner explained that Robinson was such a great player, that he represented everything that the Orioles wanted to be, and that he was an Ambassador-at-large for their community. For that reason, he told Robinson to put in a figure as the salary he thought he deserved for the upcoming season.

$20,000.

My, my, how times have changed.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:35 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Friday, January 19, 2007

Believe It or Not It's Just Me
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "Great American Hero" (2)

Dutch Van Kirk was a veteran of 58 flights over Europe as 1943 came to an end. In addition to bombing German cities, he'd flown Eisenhower and Mark Clark into North Africa. The rotational nature of wartime piloting however, meant that his next assignments would reduce his exposure to harm's way. Despite the importance of the training that he could provide to those who would follow, he was quick to take advantage of an opportunity to return to his Navigator's role. To this day he and Paul Tibbets disagree as to whether or not he volunteered when asked if he would be interested in a new assignment, this time in the Pacific.

Frodo placed his chin in the cup of his fingers as he listened, enthralled, to the remembrances of the 86 year-old resident of Stone Mountain, Georgia. Van Kirk spoke of the security measures surrounding the training, which took place in remote corners of the globe including Cuba, the Phillipines, and the Northern Marianna Islands. Military personnel who disclosed information, even inadvertently, found themselves reassigned to the Aleutian Islands. He told the entire roomful of people that he got to know many of the non-military scientists personally, and that Enrico Fermi and Robert Oppenheimer were often offering suggestions and asking questions of him. In the end, he said, they told him their best guess was that the plane would have to be at least nine miles away from the site when the explosion occurred.

"You guess?," he said.

The night before they took off, neither he nor Tibbets, nor any of the other crew members slept a wink.

"We played poker, all of us." When the game was over, the crew felt as if they were entering a Hollywood movie set, although there were no media present, at all. Then at 2:45 AM, their plane taxied down the runway and, even though it was more than 8800 pounds overweight, lifted to 2000 feet where they held steady until they reached Iwo Jima. Their instructions were not to land anywhere if trouble occurred.

From Iwo the "Enola B Gay" climbed to 30,000 feet, and Tibbets levelled her at that altitude until they approached the target. To this point, the entire mission was flawless. Exactly 12 seconds past the prescribed moment, and 1800 feet from the surface of the Earth, the bomb exploded. It took exactly 43 seconds for the 9400 pound package to escape the plane and to detonate. As soon as it was released, Tibbets turned the plane 150 degrees, nose down, and at full throttle the plane would be 12 miles away when the blast commenced.

All of the crew wore dark glasses, and none of the cockpit crew saw anything other than the sensation of light coming from behind. The rear turret gunner saw the first shock wave coming. When it struck it was as if flak was exploding about the plane. A second shock wave followed shortly thereafter.

"At Nagasaki," he said, "there was a third shock wave. That was because it was a plutonium bomb. The one we dropped was the only U-235 bomb, and that was because it used up all the U-235 which had taken Oak Ridge three full years to manufacture." "In fact, the Japanese knew that we didn't have enough U-235 to make another bomb, and that is why they didn't respond to the first call to unconditional surrender. They didn't believe we could do it again, so soon."

Frodo had not remembered to breathe for the last several minutes; just listening.

"We circled back, but by then there was only a cloud stretching beyond 50,000 feet, and we were unable to see anything of the earth's surface, so we headed home to Tinian. We could see the cloud in the distance some 267 miles later."

Van Kirk said that every general and admiral in the whole American military establishment was waiting for them when they landed. When the de-briefings were over Van Kirk exercised the committment given to him previously, and he left active duty and returned home.

From the audience a gentleman introduced himself, and stated that he was a US Marine, on Okinawa, on that fateful day in August, 1945, and that he had always wanted to shake the hands of the men who brought the War to an end. Frodo felt his heart in his throat as the once-warriors embraced.

Dutch van Kirk had a moment in time, just as Andy Warhol so eloquently described of us all. His moment changed the world, forever. There are many remarkable people, and Frodo got to know one more. It is Frodo's good fortune.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Some People Are Made of Wood
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Royal Portrait" (2)
Frodo has been considering what exactly a President with no support will do for the next two years. Senators Chuck Hagel (R-Ne) and Olympia Snowe (R-Me) added credence to the dissolution of power in the Imperial Presidency of George W. Bush (Moron-Tx), by their public statements this day. Coming down solidly opposed to the "augmentation" of the proposed American military expansion in Iraq, the Senators have set the stage for fellow Republicans to apppear as judicious in their decision making, and wise beyond their partisan concerns.

It is but a question of time before a John Warner (R-Va) or Trent Lott (R-Ms), senior political statesmen, apply a political "coup de grace" to the increasingly bizarre Bush Administration. Frodo feels that Lott is the sentimental favorite, personally lobbying behind the scenes to revenge the lack of support from the Administration when demoted from the Majority Leader position in the Senate. If the truth be told, there will probably be a bit of a feeding frenzy around the naked corpse of the hallucinogenic alcoholic from Crawford. His many slights of Congresspeople in his own Party have not personally endeared him to many.

Frodo envisions the eventual unveiling of the George W. Bush Presidential portrait as one of the most spectacularly outstanding exhibitions in American Art History. Bush will have nothing else to do but sit for his portrait for the next two years. It will be hard for any artist to screw up the picture of a white man with a stick up his butt, sitting on a pet goat, in the nude.

Almost as ridiculous in his mind's eye, says Frodo, as trying to imagine how the people who voted for this clod, twice, must now feel.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:43 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Newer | Latest | Older

«	January 2007					»

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30	31