Mood:  chillin'

"Mr. Frodo, please."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Yes, he doesn't know me, but my name is Jon Favreau, and I need his help."

"Just a minute, Mr. Favreau, I'll get him for you."

"Frodo?"

"Yes Sam?"

"There's a young man here to see you.  Says his name is Favreau."

"What's he selling?"

"All he has with him is a laptop," said Sam, smiling at the buzz cut.

"I'm Frodo, what can I do for you, Mr. Favreau?"

"Mr. Frodo, I am a speechwriter, and I'm experiencing my first real case of writer's block.  I've been told that you are never at a loss for words, and that you might give me some advice."

"Well, this is sort of an unusual request.  For whom do you write speeches?"

"Barack Obama."

"I beg your pardon, did you say President-Elect Obama?"

"Yes Sir, I've been writing for him since 2004, and never seeming to have any problems at all, until now.  I just seem to have frozen up since a recent conversation with Bill Burton, who said to me "Dude, what you're writing is going to be hung up in people's living rooms!"  I realized then," said Favreau, "that if you start thinking about what's at stake, it can get paralyzing."

"Interesting.  I assume that we're talking about the upcoming Inaugural Address?  Well, what have you done in the past as a sort of creative process?"

"Well, I stay on the move, drink a lot of double espresso shots and Red Bull, for up to 16 hours at a time, and completely close out all of my other responsibilities.  This speech is different however."

"I see.  What has the President-Elect said to you about the speech, and what other input have you received?"

"Well Barack and I spent an hour together with David Axelrod, and Barack told me that the speech should be no longer than 15-20 minutes, and then we all agreed that the theme should be, 'this moment we're in, and the idea that America was founded on certain ideals that we need to take back.'  I then met with Peggy Noonan, who wrote for Reagan, David McCullough, the historian, and I've listened to hours of recordings from prior Inaugural addresses."

"Have you drafted anything as yet?"

"Oh yeah, I gave Barack a draft about a week ago, and he edited and re-wrote parts, too.  He said to me, 'Don't worry, I'm a writer too, and I know that sometimes the muse hits you and sometimes it doesn't.  We'll figure it out together.'"

"So what is the problem, and what can I do?"

"I need a joke."

"A joke?"

"Yeah."

"You mean, like, 'Three guys go into a bar. . .'"

"No, I'm talking about something to take the edge off of a speech that will include everything from his autobiography (Dreams From My Father) to his address at the 2004 Democratic Convention (Big ears and a funny name).  Things are just so huge, and this is supposed to be a celebration."

"I see.  You don't really want a joke, you want something memorable, thematic, universal."

"For all the world to see."

"That's good."

"What is?"

"For all the world to see."

"Are you talking about something along the line of 'I'd like to buy the world a Coke, and keep her company.'"

"Kind of hard to just say something like that, isn't it?  It makes you want to sing along?"

"Wait man, are you saying Barack should sing a little song?"

"Or dance a little dance, and spray some seltzer in your pants."

"Poetry?"

"Robert Frost was on a podium like this one, a long time ago, and he captured the moment by reciting from memory what his 'old, tired eyes' could not read."

"So, is what you're saying that Barack need not zero in on the words as much as he needs to share the spirit of the words?"

"Isn't that what his whole campaign has been about, that which is behind the words themselves?"

"Good point Mr. Frodo."

"Do you know what I, Frodo Baggins, remember most from Barack's speech after winning the election?" 

"No, but I'm obviously interested."

"His stated love for those little girls, and the promise fulfillment of a puppy in the White House."

"Cool.  He may not be able to give us all a puppy. . ."

"But he can make us all want to go get one ourselves."

--Jon Favreau graduated from Holy Cross in 2003, and from a position in the Kerry campaign as a press assistant at age 23, was interviewed by the newly-elected Senator from Illinois for the position of speechwriter.  After 30 minutes together, predominantly engaged in a discussion about family and baseball, he was asked "What is your theory on speechwriting?"  His answer was "A speech can broaden the circle of people who care about this stuff.  How do you say to the average person that's been hurting: 'I hear you.  I'm there.  Even though you've been so disappointed and cynical about politics in the past, and with good reason, we can move in the right direction.  Just give me a chance.'"

--Barack Obama said, "I think this is going to work."

If only he would wear a tie. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:22 PM EST

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Mood:  silly

Rarely does Frodo simply break into sheer ridcule, but there are just some circumstances where someone is so oblivious to the obvious that the real disservice would be to do or say nothing.  This, Frodo supposes, is why the little boy finally spoke up and said "The King has no clothes."

Today, the portraits of George W. and Laura Bush, commissioned entirely by private funds, were unveiled before their official hanging in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C.  To clarify, this is not the "official" portrait, commissioned by public funds, which will grace some empty space, and perhaps frighten children, in White Houses to come.  When the covers were pulled from the frames, Frodo immediately noted the ridiculousness of the George W. pose, and has been unable to stop laughing ever since.

The Incomparable Moron is pictured in an open-necked shirt, and he is seated, legs spread, as if he was in the midst of a regular daily bowel movement.  Frodo looked to see if perhaps the shoe of Senator Larry Craig was visible in the portrait.  Certainly, the 44th President was exhibiting, if nothing else, that he does indeed maintain a "wide stance."

As Frodo has continued to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes, he has concluded that such a portrait is probably "apros pro."  The guy has been dumping on us for eight years; why should we remember him otherwise? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST

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Mood:  hug me

"Few there are," said Frodo, "familiar not with Joy Adamson and 'Born Free'."  Frodo has probably never spoken truer words.  In movie theaters, domestic and foreign, forty years ago, people everywhere knew Elsa and her relationship to the pairing of George and Joy Adamson.  The release of something so beautiful back to the wild touched heartstrings in people not otherwise known for even bearing the necessary organ.  In what were truly tumultuous times, the whole world seemed transfixed by the humanity involved, and we all had a good cry, just when we needed it most.

These are difficult times, again.  It goes without saying, and repetition accomplishes little in such a litany, that anxiety is rife.  Perhaps that is what led Frodo to "Google" the video.  Maybe it was the simple desire to observe the artistic application of a great voice to home-made movies.  More likely than not, it was some sort of need to know that mankind does reach out beyond himself, and that, sometimes, he gets a kiss.

Dear reader, you deserve something special.  Go and find "Christian the Lion Full-Music Video" ("lion" and "video" are all you need at "Google"), the search will not hurt you, and don't forget the tissues.  For the next four minutes just sit back and enjoy the marvelous Whitney, and make up your own dream about the lives we try to lead.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST

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Mood:  smelly

"I say it was a pair of Crocs."

"What do you think they did with the guy?  Abu Ghraib?  Guantanamo?  Or maybe they simply turned him over to al Sadr for 'the final solution'?"

"So was it the Secret Service that wrestled him to the ground, or a local?  Actually, he kind of looked like that guy from The Weather Channel who is always broadcasting from the place where the hurricane comes ashore."

"I understand he is dyslexic.  That explains why he kept calling Goober a dog."

"Have any of the rest of you ever heard him purposely say something funny?  Size 10, you say.  I wonder if that's Barneys' Mamas' dress size?"

"I understand somebody once threw a cabbage at Garfield when he was running for President, and after it stopped rolling across the stage, he looked down at it and remarked "I see my opponent has lost his head.'"

"Speaking of head, did you see Gregory on 'Meet the Press'?"

"So, where is this magical mystery tour taking us now?"

"I'll bet it's somewhere where no one wears shoes."

"Not Alabama again!"

"Are we going to get back home in time to save the automakers, prop up the stock market, or ride mountain bikes with Goober?"

"Truthfully, aren't you guys going to miss him?"

"What, do I look like 18% of the population?"

"What do you think the Magician would do if somebody threw their shoes at him?"

"Ha, he'd probably catch them and autograph them."

"I'd buy them."

"Did you notice that Goober actually ducked and avoided the first one?  The second one was kind of high and outside the strike zone."

"Did you notice no one jumped in front of him to take one for the Goober?"

"Would you?"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the White House Press Corps, please return to your seats and prepare for landing.  Please raise your seats to their upright level, and fasten tray tables in front of you.  We are approaching our final stop before heading home tomorrow.  We should be on the ground momentarily."

"Hey, truthfully, does anybody recognize where we are?"

"Well I'll be, I do recognize the place. I did sports here for the ABC affiliate. Ladies and gentlemen, you will be privileged to attend the last visit of the President to Memphis."

"Memphis?"

"Yeah dude, we're going to Graceland."

"I get it, Elvis has left the building."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EST

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Mood:  not sure

Frodo had to resolve a dispute between two residents of Middle Earth for whom he had managerial oversight.  Saul was a Jewish guy from Philadelphia who had been a Marine during the War, had a vacation house on Long island, and a daughter from his first marriage on Broadway.  Cloretha was a black woman from Baltimore who had a string of academic credentials, and an unlimited professional future in front of her.  A disagreement on procedure was escalating into something personal, reflecting mutual disdain by the verbal combatants.

Saul, out of respect for Frodo, backed down.  In no short order however, he let Frodo know that he resented the carelessness of the opposition.  He felt that a lack of attention to detail was an indication of greater problems, and that it was a grave error to gloss over potential problems, no matter how insignificant they might seem at first glance.

Cloretha felt that as long as the intent was clear, responsible people would act, well, responsibly.  She indicated to Frodo that Saul was taking a "micro" approach to "macro" issues, and that results, which were significant, were the objective by which a true assessment should be drawn.

Both implied that the others' attitude reflected something sociological.  Frodo did not doubt that some of that was true, but he was required to balance both the achievements and the procedural requirements.  Neither of the combatants agreed with Frodo's final decision, which even Frodo has since long ago forgotten.  The issues however, come often to Frodo's mind.

Saul died of a heart attack some years ago.  His daughter, perhaps with theater lights as a backdrop, wrote Frodo that her father always respected Frodo, and that he had often remarked that Frodo was his best "commanding officer."  Saul never knew how high Frodo's regard will always be for one who served so admirably.

Three-and-a-half years ago, a young man named Brian Nichols broke free from incarceration in the Fulton County Courthouse in Atlanta, secured a firearm, killed four people, and beat another senseless.  Among those he killed were the judge and the prosecuting attorney who had decided his fate in a rape case.  During his escape he killed a prison guard, beat another mercilessly, and later massacred an innocent bystander who happened to be a federal agent.  Frodo took note of these grim news reports, and almost missed the reference to the parents of the alleged murderer. 

Brian Nichols mother was named Cloretha.  At the time of the murders, she and her husband were serving in Africa on an official mission for the United States Government to assist an ally nation in their internal operations.  Eventually, Frodo identified her from televison broadcasts as the same person he had known so long ago.  Although he never made contact, Frodo followed the reported details of her life after that dispute with Saul, and pieced together what had happened.  During the subsequent three-and-a-half years, Frodo listened and watched as Brian Nichols was eventually found guilty, and this morning, was sentenced to life imprisonment, without the possibility of parole, mainly because the jury could not unanimously agree on the death penalty.  Three people stood out from the twelve.

During this time, Frodo noted the defense allegation that much of Brian Nichols behavior was due to the parenting deficiencies of Cloretha and her husband.  The defense argued that because she was away from home so much, in pursuit of her career objectives, that Brian grew up without proper guidance.  Frodo could not help but feel the heartache on the face of a once-proud mother whose whole existence was being shredded publicly, and who had to feel that her son may die because of her ambition, and to the lack of attention she had paid to the details of his upbringing.

Frodo thinks often of Saul Gruber.  It was nothing personal.  He had given her the most important message of her whole life, and she failed to get it.  Knowing him, Frodo is convinced that he is crying for Cloretha Nichols, and for the innocent people who suffered because her son became a monster.  

A part of Frodo is very disappointed that this monster will retain hope to again escape, and to kill again.  Brian Nichols has neither evidenced nor expressed remorse for his crimes.  The other part of Frodo does not believe that a death sentence is ever fully-considered, and that there are no equitable standards for its implementation.  Perhaps, like art, Frodo may not understand all of it, but he certainly knows what he likes.  Osama bin Laden, Brian Nichols, and others, serve no purpose in our lives, dear reader, and we are better off without them. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:30 PM EST

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Mood:  lyrical

Frodo asks, dear reader, what do all of the following have in common;  Tupac Shakur (the late, but not lamented), Britney Spears, Lil' Kim, Don McLean, Eminem, Metallica, Bruce Springsteen, Aerosmith, and Meat Loaf?

Give up?  Oh please do, for the answer will make you smile.

It seems that the then commander in Iraq, Lt. Gen Ricardo Sanchez, authorized the use of systematically applied loud music upon the hundreds of detainees in Guantanmo commencing in September of 2003.  That means, of course, that the military has been repeatedly piping in music from all of the artists identified above for the past five years.  The tactic, according to Sanchez, was meant to "create fear, disorient. . .and prolong capture shock."  The experience has indeed proven to be overwhelming for many of the detainees, prodding one detainee to swear that he has seen cellmates screaming and smashing their heads against walls unable to endure any more.

One interrogator at Guantanamo Bay has bragged to the FBI that he only needed four days to "break" someone by alternating 16 hours of music and lights with four hours of silence and darkness.  That does give rise to a query about what took place during the remaining four hours of a "work day?"  Perhaps four hours of waiting for the music to start again might make one wonder why the Carly Simon song "Anticipation" wasn't similarly applied to the miscreants?  

What was particularly startling to Frodo was that not all of the music is hard rock.  Christopher Cerf, who wrote the music for "Sesame Street" was horrified himself to learn that songs of his own creation were applied to the internees.  In fact, the song "I Love You," from the TV show "Barney & Friends" is cited as one of the most frequently repeated songs, albeit not by popular request we are told.  Perhaps it shows that we are a small world, after all.

Frodo chuckled when he learned that another frequently repeated song, from the pen of the "Boss," is "Born in the USA."  That'll teach them.  Try to get that title out of your mind.  It certainly compares favorably to driving your Chevy to the levee, even though it was dry.

Waterboarding?  Frodo bets that they begin to beg for it knowing that Nine Inch Nails are next on the replay button (that is a rock group, for you who may be culturally handicapped).  Remember, as we've been assured, "The United States doesn't torture." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EST

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Mood:  smelly

Huey Long, known affectionately as the "Kingfish" in Louisiana politics, had few equals when it came to gall.  Frodo's favorite story took place in Winnfield, Louisiana, during a speech to support the Governor's re-election.  Long said words to the effect that he highly resented the United States Government and its effort to convict him for the theft of one million in taxpayer dollars.  "I didn't steal one million dollars.  I stole two million dollars."

Applause, closely followed by the re-election of the Governor.

Some years later, Edwin Edwards, from Crowley, Louisiana, became the closest thing to a successor to Huey Long.  In a series of conflicts with the Internal Revenue Service, the FBI, and probably every other agency licensed to carry firearms, Edwards eventually found himself in a re-election race against David Duke, of Ku Klux Klan reknown.  Voters in the "Pelican State" did not shy away from the bumper-stickers which read "Vote for the Crook, It's Important."

Applause, closely followed by the re-election of the Governor.

The fourth of the past eight Governors from the State of Illinois was today greeted by the presence of the FBI on his front stoop at 6:00 AM, and arrested for public bribery and a multitude of other charges in a 78-page indictment.  Frodo has to admit that he was impressed by the 50% figure achieved by the US Attorneys Office in the Northern District of Illinois.  However, it is important to remember names like William Jefferson (he of the $90K in cold cash found in his freezer), Bob Livingston (who served as House Speaker for three days after Newt Gingrich while testing Viagra on a constituent), and of course, the current US Senator, Mr. Vidrine, whose wife seemed to have a predilection for leopard-skin, or so it appeared on TV (Frodo feels she should have used her claws on his genitals).  Corruption, in public, is not limited to the Governors in Louisiana; it is universal.  The challengers from Illinois, Maryland, Mississippi, and most certainly New Jersey, are merely pretenders to the throne.

Applause, closely followed by a marching band chanting "We're Number One."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EST

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Mood:  caffeinated

"We may not make a university student out of him, but if we can teach him to read and write, maybe he can work at the post office rather than as a garbage man when he gets through with his athletic career."---from the opening statement by University of Georgia attorney Hale Almand, defending the University against charges of placing student athletes in preferential treatment, 1986.

Professor Jan Kemp died Friday from complications associated with Alzheimer's; she was 59.  Named by PEOPLE magazine as a hero "of the eighties," she was admired and reviled for filing a lawsuit against the University of Georgia after she was fired for refusing to inflate grades for UGA football players.  The six week trial resulted in the firing of the long-time President of the University, Fred Davison, and Kemp eventually collected $1.1 Million.

The crescendo of the trial came when the "Developmental Studies" Department Head, Leroy Ervin, was overheard on a secretly-taped faculty meeting to say "I know for a fact that these kids would not be here if it were not for their utility to the institution. . .They are used as a kind of raw material in the production of some goods to be sold as whatever product, and they get nothing in return."

Dr. Kemp remained in the Athens community the rest of her life, teaching in the local technical college and high schools until her physical condition would no longer permit her to do so.

In 1986, Barack Obama was 25. 

Fitting it is, opines Frodo, that Saxby Chambliss attributed his run-off election victory to "Georgia values."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:06 PM EST

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Mood:  quizzical

Frodo is a reluctant commentator on issues du jour.  It has always been his preference to allow the zealots their time-on-air, and to take a longer, more big picture approach to issues that may or may not be as important as they first appear.  In the case of the automotive industry, Frodo has truly listened to arguments with credibility, albeit absent anything other than that which permits a medical diagnosis to be similarly based only on the experience of a few isolated cases.  Frodo's opinion, it seems, is being  formulated in the same manner.  Frodo sincerely hopes that if President-Elect Obama should accidentally read these words, then he should understand that Frodo is talking out loud, and not dictating policy.

Frodo's father was in Germany when the European version of World War II ended.  Frodo's father returned home in January of 1946, and Frodo drew his first breath as a citizen almost exactly nine months later.  From that first moment, Frodo was exposed to the belief that the Great War ended properly because the "sleeping giant" was able to re-tool its' industries into a war machine, and to overwhelm the deficit which planning and preparation by the Axis powers had used to nearly destroy the land which fostered Frodo.

The manufacturing aspect of American industry in 1942 was shaped into the production of tanks, jeeps, airplanes, and machine guns, where only days before there had been bicycles, automobiles, and candy bars.  Quite obviously, the automotive assembly lines were an integral part of the final victory over those fascists.  So why, Frodo asks, would we run the risk of removing that capacity from our present and future ability to respond and re-tool?  Frodo has not satisfactorily answered that question in his own mind, much less in the words of any talking-head.

When the War ended, Frodo's father drove trucks and machines that hauled raw materials into the smelter that truly ended the Great Depression.  Today, as Frodo understands the debate, it is argued that the absence of what could be millions of wage-earning jobs would be absorbed by either new technology, or more efficient-industry.  Frodo's father, in all candor, did exactly that when he moved Frodo and his family to the larger environment and learned new skills.  The difficulty in that comparison is that Frodo's father was not 2.5 million people, and the one job he found does not exist in the volumes potentially required.  The result, it seems, would be a lot of hungry people, at least for a period of time.

Frodo believes that Barack Obama is a wise man, who will approach momentous issues with a sense of purpose, as opposed to something merely partisan.  Tom Joad, in the mind of Frodo, is standing in the dirt somewhere in Oklahoma, even now, watching a turtle cross the road.  Where these two took those who depended on them will be more than one great novel, and it will go beyond sheer endurance and determination.  The analogy though, is pretty good. 

In a truck it was that the Joad family struck out for California, a truck made in America.            

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:35 PM EST

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Mood:  amorous

Nestor Kirchner is the former President of Argentina.  Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner is the current President of Argentina.  Julio Cobos is the current Vice President of Argentina.  The official residence of the President of Argentina is known as the Pink House.

Julio Cobos was suggested for the Vice Presidency by the outgoing President to the incoming President.  Since July 27th however, the Vice President has not spoken in person or on the phone with the President.  Instead, the former President jokes that the current President asks him every morning to identify which Vice President he stuck her with today?  According to a spokesman for the Argentine Agrarian Foundation, the trouble all started because of the "intolerant and authoritarian style of the Kirchners."

President de Kirchner, it seems, is a bit put off by the fact that on the 17th of July, the Vice President cast the deciding vote against her four-month-long attempt to raise taxes on farm exports.  That vote made the 53-year-old former governor of Mendoza Province an instant hero to an overwhelming majority of ordinary Argentinians.  Such a hero, in fact, that opinion polls now suggest that more than 80 percent of the citizenry rejects the Presidents' attempt to force the resignation of the Vice President.  "My idea is to continue working in a way that allows me to be true to my conventions and my principles," he offered to the Argentinian Press.

When queried about his political future, Cobos stated, "I have a committment until 2011, and then we will see what my destiny is in politics."

Is it true that toilets flush counter-clockwise south of the equator?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EST

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