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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
She Had Bette Davis Eyes
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Can She Name Them?(2)"
Wook Kundor of Malaysia got married this past week to Muhamad Noor Che Musa. Despite the importance of such a happy event in the lives of two people half-a-world away, Frodo would normally not have paid much attention to the news. He was struck however, by the fact that this was the 21st time that Ms. Kundor had been escorted down the aisle.

Additional analysis revealed another interesting statistic or two. Ms Kundor, it seems, is 104 years old. That certainly begged a question about whether or not her father gave the bride away? Frodo has been surfing the Internet for the last several days, unsuccessfully it should be noted, in order to determine what exactly is the status of husbands 1-20.

Mr. Musa, on the other hand, was being wed for the first time. That, really, is not very surprising since he is just 33 years of age. Frodo, in all due honesty, began to make a few assumptions about what motivated the happy couple to pursue nuptial bliss.

Mr. Musa stated that he found peace and a sense of belonging with his new bride, after first sympathizing with her for being childless, old, alone, and poor. "Mutual respect and friendship turned to love," he offered to reporters. "I am not after her money, she is poor."

After thinking about this for several minutes Frodo opined that Ms. Kundor-Musa must make a terrific "Mango Stew." Alternatively, she may have once been a member of the Malaysian Olympic Gymnastic Team.

Regardless, Frodo thinks that the finger of Ms. Kundor-Musa is an appropriate place to place a ring. May their time together be filled with happiness (as well as a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 9, 2006
On The Cover of The Rolling Stone
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
Frodo sat down with a piece of paper and a pencil. It was clear that he was trying to make a list and to interconnect the facts in that list in order to make a point. It was also clear that it was a very difficult task. Peering over his shoulder, some of the following could be observed:
"1. Number three guy quits after involvement in poker games where government employees were allowed to win in order to pay for hookers;"

"2. Guy fired by Goss will re-join in order to be top deputy of Hayden;"

"3. President gives word-for-word identical endorsement speech for Hayden that he gave for Goss two years ago;"

"4. Agency has no 'human intelligence' emanating from country that was targeted as a threat 27 years ago, and subsequently named by Bush as part of "Evil Axis';"

"5. Sign outside agency HQ in Langley carries wording 'George Bush Center for Intelligence';"

"6. Goss Top Deputy in Iraq when Boss announces 'Resignation';"

"7. Senator Chambliss from Georgia known as 'Rubberstamp' for his blind obedience to Bush publicly questions nomination of Hayden;"

"8. Hayden states that had the US utilized wiretap procedures against al Qaeda, prior to 9/11, tragedy might have been averted, but no one seems to wonder why we would've been utilizing domestic surveillance at all at that time;"

"9. Goss gave up secure House seat and Committee leadership in order to re-structure CIA."

Frodo slowly pushed his chair back from the table and began to walk around the room with the paper in his hand while the TV carried the continuing string of befuddling news from around the world. He stopped when he heard the talking head say that "The President responded to the questions of his 'best day' and his 'worst day' by noting that his 'best day' was when he caught a seven-and-a-half-pound largemouth bass in his lake in Crawford. He identified his 'worst day' as 9/11."

Frodo balled up the piece of paper and threw it at the TV.

The Men of Gondor and the Riders from Rohan continue to stand before the Orcs. They have done so longer than the UN face-off against the Chinese Communists in the Korean War. They have been there almost as long as the United States remained at War with the Germans in World War II. 75% of these men believe they should withdraw by year's end.

The President believes resolution will come with his successor.

Maybe Dick Cheney should take Bush on a quail hunt?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:23 PM EDT
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Monday, May 8, 2006
I Just Gotta Get a Message to You, Hold On
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"My name," he said, "is Frodo Abdullah al-Jimsonweed and I am Shi'ia."

"I am Frodo Baggins of the Shire," came the response.

"Have you ever watched the movie 'Lawrence of Arabia', I mean have you ever watched and listened to the story behind the movie?"

"Well sure, Peter O'Toole and Omar Sharif aside, it is an outstanding chronicle of the continuing disasters of British Colonialism that hound the world a century later."

"What do you mean effendi?"

"I mean that from the Indian Sub-Continent around to Sub-Saharan Africa and through to Palestine and Persia the British of the 19th and 20th centuries were there to exploit natural resources. The meddling of these Europeans in the affairs of tribal peoples is at the heart of every major 'hot spot' in today's geopolitical realm."

"Does it not give you concern effendi, that the British now stand with the Americans in support of their 'positions,' if you will?"

"Of course it does. It seems as if Tony (aka 'The Poodle') Blair feels he has to act to justify the gross incompetence of the Americans in each of these locations."

"Don't you realize effendi that there is no Iraq? The role portrayed by Sharif in 'Lawrence' was that of the first man put in charge of the artificial creation of the British."

"Frodo is very aware of your point. Iraq was India before the birth of Pakistan. Iraq was Yugoslavia, held together only by a tyrannical leader."

"Was, effendi?"

"Well let me turn the tables on you Imam, do you think Iraq is a viable nation-state?"

"Nation-state! Is this a serious question? Iraq is as artificial as the military service record of George W. Bush. Iraq existed only because of the tyranny which one religious group used to persecute another. Once the tyrant no longer existed there was nothing cohesive amongst the peoples."

"Then, Imam, I suppose you question why the Americans would commit so much of their most precious resources to the ideal of 'Freedom' as a unifier?"

"I question nothing effendi. I understand."

"Oh? Would you explain your understanding of that which seems so inexplicable to so much of the world?"

"Effendi, the late astronomer from your Cornell University, Carl Sagan (The Dragons of Eden), wrote that if Aristotle, the greatest thinker of all civilizations, should return to this life today, and were he to continue living to a natural end, that he would not be able to assimilate all of the technological changes which have occurred since his death. He would, however, utilize no more than twenty minutes in order to learn all that Man has learned about human behavior."

"I suppose Imam, that you feel that the 'Neo-Cons' who devised this strategy, despite their scholarly credentials, didn't have a clue about the cause-and-effect of human interaction?"

"Effendi, someday, history books will look at the purveyors of these times in much the same way that we remember the 'White Man's Burden,' 'Manifest Destiny,' and 'Separate But Equal'."

"Peace be with you Imam."

"And you, halfling."

Frodo of the Shire knows the pain of T.E. Lawrence. Frodo Abdullah al-Jimsonweed knows the treachery that befell him.

As Shakespeare implied, it is the same lines spoken only by different actors upon the stage that is Middle Earth.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:35 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 4, 2006
Rock My Soul In The Bosom of Abraham, O Rock My Soul
Mood:  down
Topic: "Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Hear ye, Hear ye, all rise for his Honor Justice Frodo for the Federal District Court of Virginia. God Save this Court and the United States of America."

Justice Frodo used the small stool next to the chair which contained three telephone books. From this regal position he could look down into the eyes of the accused.

"Moose Howie," Frodo began, "you have been found guilty of certain crimes against humanity. It has been deemed by the members of the jury that for these crimes you shall be confined for the remainder of your life without the possibility of parole. You shall be confined in an appropriate Federal facility where you will remain in solitude for 23 hours of each day."

The pseudo-human, Moose Howie, glared back at Frodo without saying a word.

Frodo continued, "Further, this Court will instruct your Jailers to restrict you access to any media of entertainment or information. You will not be allowed visiting privileges except those guaranteed to regulatory agencies who safeguard the treatment of prisoners in civilized societies."

Moose Howie raised his eyes to Frodo and his lips began to part.

"Moose Howie, think carefully about what you are about to say, because these will be the last words you will ever utter that will be heard beyond the confines of the cell in which you will reside from this moment on. You will be outside your cell only to bathe."

The quasi-hominid was suddenly struck by the enormity of the moment, and as he paused, searching for appropriate words, Frodo smiled from ear-to-ear and ended with the following, "Moose Howie, it is the sincere wish of this Court that the bars of soap provided to you when you shower will squirt from your hands each and every day. It is hoped that those with whom you bathe will take full advantage of the opportunity provided to them daily at said moment. That Sir, should give you something to think about the other twenty-three hours of every single day."

Capital punishment be damned.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:16 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, May 4, 2006 10:19 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 30, 2006
Lookin' For A Lover Who Won't Blow My Cover
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Media is the Message(2)"
Press Secretary Number Three has now reported for duty. Crack National News Reporter Frodo Baggins, seated to the left of Helen Thomas, waves his hand above all others by standing on his chair.

"Mr. Frodo," your hand is highest, so you will have the first question."
"Thank you Mr. Snow-Job. Can you tell us what your Father is doing today, and what his position is on an Excess Profits Tax for Big Oil Companies?"
"My father?"
"Yes, Secretary of the Treasury Mr. Snow-Job. He is your father, isn't he?"
"No that is not correct. We are unrelated."
"You mean that it is sheer happenstance that we not only have two Bushes, but we have two Snow-Jobs in the same Administration?"
"No, Boy you are confused, there is only one Bush, but there are, indeed, two Snow-Jobs, er I mean Snows."
"Now just a darn minute, you mean to tell me that there is only one Bush in the White House?"
"No, what I'm saying is that Former President Bush, who is the father of the current President, is not a member of the current Administration."
"Well duh, what I'm referring to is Laura, whom I believe goes by the moniker 'First Lady'."
"Mr. Frodo, what is your point? Everyone knows that, as the President's wife, Mrs. Bush carries a support role to the President."
"His wife? Well what about Condi calling George her husband? How many wives does Mr. Bush have?"
"I assume that the comment to which you are referring, which took place several months before I came to this office, was merely a slip of the tongue."
"A slip of the tongue? Is that anything like referring to the 'thousands of mistakes' made by the Administration in the implementation of the Pre-emptive War?"
"Well, I believe that Secretary of State Rice clarified that remark to reflect it as a characterization of the imperfection of any human endeavor."
"Characterization? Well, exactly how many mistakes has the Administration made in the implementation of this War?"
"That, Mr. Frodo, is what Secretary of State Rice said would be determined by historians."

"Now that reminds me," said Mr. Snow-Job, "I am today announcing that all further news items will be issued directly to the Faux News Network in order to gave a 'fair and balanced' presentation of the facts. Members of the Press should contact Mr. O'Reilly or Mr. Hannity for the appropriate briefing."
"What? Well, what are you going to be doing, and what happens here?," queried Frodo.
"Excellent question, from now on these briefings will be known as the Historical Perspectives. You all are invited, but be advised that there will be a test after each sesssion, and that a failing grade on more than two daily tests will result in the de-listing of your credentials. We call this 'No Journalist Left Behind.'"
"Mr. Snow-Job, exactly whose idea was this, if I may ask?"
"You may ask."

"Well what?"
"Well, whose idea was it?"
"Secretary of State Rice felt that a historical perspective would be of great value to the White House Press Corps."
"Well what did the President have to say?"
"He said 'Yes Dear.'"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:14 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 29, 2006
Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Cause It's One, (2)"
Pearl Sandow attended 1,889 consecutive Atlanta Braves baseball games in Atlanta between 1966 and 1989. Frodo computes that had she spent an average of $25 for tickets and sundry items at each of those games, Pearl would have invested $47,225 in the Atlanta Braves at the ballpark. Since the Major League Minimum salary is more than four times her total fiscal contribution, it is certainly unsurprising that not a single member of the Braves organization attended her Memorial Service this past Sunday.

One month shy of her 104th Birthday, the unmarried (spinster, if you will) lived most of her life in an apartment in Atlanta, and commuted to both the ballpark and her job at the Department of Housing & Urban Development. Her regular seat was in Section 105, Row 9, Seat #1, and she never missed a Braves home game until she suffered a stroke. The Braves invited her to the ballpark to celebrate her 100th birthday, but that celebration was overshadowed by the conspicuous absence of any representative from the Braves at her Memorial.

Admittedly, the gallant Braves players were in Washington to play a game, but Frodo supposes it must have been deemed unseemly for the General manager, or the Public Relations Director, shoot, why not one of the ballboys, to spend a few minutes with the 50 or so people who gathered in her honor?

At the Memorial, Hot dogs, Crackerjacks, and peanuts were served. Rather than a more traditional hymn, the attendees joined together and sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." The body was cremated.

Frodo hopes that her ashes are scattered at Turner Field. Perhaps some part of her will bring a tear to the eye of an Atlanta Brave. Frodo feels the same as Charlie Brown must have felt when Joe Shlabotnik didn't acknowledge his greatest, and only, fan.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:44 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I'll Never Have That Recipe Again
Mood:  hungry
Topic: "0 Preservative Added"(2)
In November 1962, while the Nation began to exhale over the Cuban Missile Crisis, Mr. Lance Nesta of Waukesha, Wisconsin, was only doing what most of us do when that inevitable gift arrives in the mail. While serving in the US Army in Alaska he received a fruitcake from his two aunts back home in Waukesha, which he promptly set aside without opening. As best he can remember he packed it with the rest of his personal belongings which were all shipped back home to Waukesha when his tour ended several years later.

More than 43 years later, last week in fact, Mr. Nesta was rummaging around in his Mother's attic and happened upon the cake, still in its' original tin and wrapped in paper.

"I was amazed that it hadn't changed at all,"
he said.

Frodo notes that when Professor Howard Carter first glanced inside the Tomb of Tutankhamun ("The Boy King") in 1922, his first words when asked what he saw inside were, "Wonderful things." Frodo additionally notes a certain similarity in Mr. Nesta's reaction to a 43-year-old fruitcake as that of Professor Carter and a 4000-year-old mummified Egyptian Pharoah.

If there is a moral to this small vignette said Frodo, it is "that no matter how you wrap it, neither a politician nor a fruitcake ever seem to change." "In fact," said Frodo, "they both are extremely difficult to swallow."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:46 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
All We Are Saying Is
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Give Heath a Chance (2)"
Joshua Chamberlain, later the President of Bowdoin College, and the boys from Maine held the field at Little Round Top in the month of July, 1863. It can be argued that they played a very important role in the preservation of the Union. Frodo is very appreciative.

138 years and 2 months later, in a field in Pennsylvania, a number of other brave men and women sacrificed themselves in a desperate struggle to prevent even greater loss of life in that same Union. Frodo stands, hand on heart, in honor of those brave souls.

People have been coming to both of those places ever since the events that burned them into our collective memory. At Little Round Top, amidst the National Park that is Gettysburg, people come to see where Pickett charged, and Lincoln spoke, and the boys from Maine charged downhill to rout the Alabamians. To the West, in that field, people come to stare at the crater where the creation of Man came into collision with the creation of God. No matter what else happened that day, everyone who comes there remembers the words "Let's roll." The reverent nature of both locations is different however, and that, dear reader, is "the rub."

That crater in that field sits on private land. Proposals have been made for the land to be purchased, jointly, by the United States Government and private donations. The appropriate Committee Chairman of the House of Representatives has taken the position to block the acquisition of the land. Arguing that the United States Government already owns more than enough of our national landscape, and that the private donations are not keeping pace with the commitment, the Congressman (from North Carolina) is acting to safeguard the American taxpayer. The Congressman has, alternatively, suggested that donated money be used to fund scholarships in Memory of those who died in that field on that day.

That Congressman, a Republican, is being challenged for re-election. Mr. Heath Shuler, former quarterback at the University of Tennessee, and the Washington Redskins, is opposing him, as a Democrat. Heath Shuler was an All-American, who received a $17 Million bonus to sign with the Redskins. He was out of football within three years. Frodo feels that he just wasn't good enough.

Frodo doesn't know very much about the campaign being waged by the aspiring Congressperson-to-be, but Frodo would support Mickey Mouse himself if it meant removing from office a Congressman who just doesn't get it.

Frodo doesn't like paying taxes. Frodo likes the idea of providing money for higher education for deserving students. But Frodo knows that it is important to pause and take note of the acts that have inspired the birth and the life of our nation.
It is only fitting that the acreage be acquired, and public access be provided for all of those who want, or need, to reflect on what happened there, on that day, and how much it means.

Frodo will write to Mr. Shuler and he will tell him that he will have the opportunity to represent much more than one small part of North Carolina. He will represent all of us who remember. Frodo, and Mr. Shuler, can use your help.

Let's roll.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, April 28, 2006 10:32 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 23, 2006
Six Days On The Road And I'm Gonna Make It Home Tonight
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Frodo And Truckers (2)"
Air Transportation in Middle Earth is managed almost as well as it is designed. That, more than anything else, explains why nearly every Airline is either in Chapter XI Bankruptcy, planning to file, or is recently released. The management of these entities could be in the White House, and everybody would still think we are led by stumblebums.

Atlanta is home to the most heavily-traveled airport in all the world, with only Chicago as a serious contender as number two. Atlanta is also home to Delta Airlines, once the crown jewel of efficiency, customer satisfaction, and corporate vision. Frodo and Sam, on the advice of Clark Howard, and based on their own experience, have now returned from their round-trip to visit Bilbo for Birthday Number 88, via Southwest Airlines in-and-out of Birmingham, Alabama. They saved more than $500, and they were not threatened by a pilots' strike. That would not have been the case had they flown via the more convenient surroundings of Delta and its' "Hub" system out of Atlanta.

Frodo and Sam parked their motorcar in the remote lots at Birmingham, and paid the $56 fee when they departed Birmingham last evening. They had landed at the ungodly hour of 12:15 AM CDT, and headed directly home to the Shire, where they arrived at the pre-dawn awakenings of 4:30 AM EDT. It cost about $350 to keep Mick (the Wonder Dog), Fiona, and Georgia at Camp Kennel, and another $100 for Miss Ellyn to watch over Mr. Beau Neau and Sydney. So, by driving to Birmingham and departing non-stop via Southwest, the maintenance of the non-traveling members of the Shire was covered. The dodo-heads at Delta don't have a clue.

Aside from the management issues, Frodo and Sam were alone on an Interstate Highway in the American South in the middle of the night, again. The radio is an absolute dream of long-forgotten ballads and harmonious outpourings from artists of the genre. The fellow travelers are law enforcement officers and truckers. As Frodo approached one from the rear he would ensure that he was within the 10 MPH "grace limit" and continue his trek eastward, with a nervous Sam encouraging him not to risk the ire of Alabama's finest.

The Truckers are a different story, and Frodo remembered an erstwhile "rule of the road." When approaching from the rear, and once in the left lane to pass, it is polite to blink onto high beam for just a moment to signal the long-hauler that one is about to pass. Once you have cleared the long-hauler, he/she will blink onto high beam to tell you that you are clear to return to the right-hand lane.

Frodo has not practiced this in more than thirty years, but last night, on I-20, he did so, and about one out of every three truckers responded. "The times," as Bob Dylan sang just outside Pell City, "they are a' changin'." Frodo sang all of the words with Arlo Guthrie, and Sam smiled at the "Native Son." And, if the mood strikes you, there is always a "Waffle House" nearby, and someone to say "Come in dahlin', sit a spell."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:18 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 15, 2006
Born in The Back Seat of a Greyhound Bus, Rolling Down Highway 41
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
The "Lord of the Rings" begins with Bilbo's Birthday Celebration in the Shire. In like kind, Frodo travels in the morrow to the 88th Birthday celebration in Arizona, a land far beyond the Shire, of Bilbo. For one week, Frodo will be reminded of embarrassing moments and unfulfilled dreams. Frodo will also gather information about the health and well-being of the indomitable Bilbo.

Frodo will also listen to music, read local newspapers, talk with Hobbits and Elves not known before, and try to pay attention to what is being said. There are many in their last days where Frodo goes, as well as many others who are from lands outside of Middle Earth. Frodo will try not to anticipate what one group has to say, and will do his best to understand those who speak in a foreign tongue. It is always a challenge, and it often leaves Frodo feeling lost and confused.

Frodo will accomplish one thing which will mark these days as unique. Eight years ago, one of Bilbo's sisters had found a family Bible by happenstance. She exhibited the Bible for Frodo and asked him if he knew how it could be properly returned. Since the latest entry was from a foreign land more than a half-century before, Frodo had few suggestions. He did, however, make a posting on a seemingly appropriate Internet Web-site.

A few weeks ago, Frodo received an inquiry in his Internet mail. It was from a member of the family involved. They had no knowledge of the Bible, nor of the family members recorded therein, but the link was clear. These Hobbits are thrilled with the find, and Frodo will arrange to send it directly to them while he is at the celebration of Bilbo's birthday.

They also make very good Margaritas in Arizona, or so Frodo has been told. Frodo will report his findings in due course.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:47 PM EDT
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