Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Monday, May 22, 2006

I Saw the Harbor Lights
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
Frodo was very concerned for the safety of one whom he barely knew. It was no secret around the College of the Shire that being different, or unconventional, would often produce conflict. The one that Frodo knew was a Professor, of Religion and Philosophy, who often made public statements which contrasted to the prevailing opinions of those troubled times. Frodo resented some of the things said, but others moved beyond resentment to consider violence.

Frodo discussed his concerns with the Fellowship, as well as his fears. Those planning violence would not hesitate to include Frodo, and there was no doubt that by sheer force they would get their way. There was nothing but conjecture on which to base a challenge of any kind, so Frodo wrestled with a time-honored conundrum.

Eventually it was learned that one specific behemoth would wreak havoc on the Professor. It was to take place during a basketball game between faculty and students. Frodo and several members of the Fellowship were also to take part in the event, as was the behemoth. The subject of the assault would participate, as would Gandalf, the Wise, as members of the faculty.

As the teams warmed up on opposite sides of the court, Frodo and his fellow Hobbits decided to warn Gandalf, so that he could pass a warning on to the Professor. While surreptitously adjusting his shoelaces, Frodo motioned to Gandalf to come to where the Hobbits were seated.

"Lord Gandalf," he said, "please tell the Professor that he is in grave danger. The behemoth is going to make every effort to cause him pain. We do not want to see him hurt."

Gandalf glared back to Frodo, and cast his gaze upon them all. In totally uncharacteristic fashion he yelled at Frodo, "And what are YOU going to do about it? Don't you understand? This is exactly why you are losing the War." With that, he turned his back on Frodo and began to dribble away.

The Hobbits were speechless until one said, on behalf of all, "What in the Hell was that? What did he mean about us losing the War?" Frodo's predicament was greater now than when silence had been the preferred course of action. Perhaps he should notify the game officials of the plan? Perhaps he should step to center court and make an announcement of what he knew? Perhaps he should challenge the behemoth directly? In any event, Frodo now had responsibility for what was about to occur.

The behemoth was not a good basketball player, and his time on the court would be limited. Frodo and his friends knew that at least one of them would be on the court at all times. Between them, they decided that when the behemoth was on the court that one of them would maintain a position between the two so that the behemoth could not make physical contact with the Professor. It worked. The behemoth was pushed out of the way every time he came near the Professor, and the planned victim was puzzled by the fact that he was given so many open shots at the basket.

Gandalf never brought the subject up with Frodo, nor did Frodo and his friends ever discuss what happened after that night. Frodo, however, has thought about those events every single day of his life, now some 40 years later. There is no greater honor that a student can give to a Wizard than to acknowledge that he made the student think about the choices to be made every single day. Frodo admits to the fact that he still does not fully comprehend the message conveyed. Perhaps, had Gandalf given a similar message to George W. Bush, today's war would not have been blamed on faulty intelligence, and someone would take responsibility.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Racing With The Moon
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Ode to an Athlete (2)"
There were two horse race tracks in or near the City of Orleans. When racing was "on" at The Fairgrounds, it was quiet at Jefferson Downs, and vice versa.

Frodo had always had a fondness for the pageantry and the excitement of horse racing. It stemmed from the days when he and the other infant Hobbits would sit in the shade of the trees that lined the parking lot overlooking the far turn of the track at Charles Town. Frodo's grandmother would sit while the adult Hobbits went to "play the daily double" in an area where infant Hobbits were not allowed. Although she would never allow herself to bet, Frodo can remember the uncanny ability that she seemed to have in selecting the winning horse.

"Never bet on a gray horse, never bet on a filly, and always look for the horse with the longest legs and the slimmest body," she summarized for Frodo. Over time, Frodo learned that things like the length of the track, the jockey, the track conditions, the history of the horse, and so on, would have a significant impact on the outcome of the race. Still, he avoids the gray, has rarely selected a filly, and those long legs have always been tempting to Frodo.

Sam was out of town, and the canines of the time, Prissy and Gumbo, were occupied with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads when Frodo left to spend a few hours at Jefferson Downs. After seven races Frodo was pretty bored, and was about to head for home. The name of a horse entered in the eighth race caught his eye. "Miss Priss" was an 15-1 shot.

"Hmph," said Frodo, "if Sam were here there would definitely be a bet placed on this horse to win." Frodo's smile turned to interest when he began to examine the facts about the horse in the racing program. It seemed that she ran well on dirt, had done very well against the leading competition paired against her in prior races, did very well on longer races, and had never been beaten when tonight's jockey had been on her back.

"She's a filly," thought Frodo, "just my luck she's an equine Hobbit with a gray complexion." When "Miss Priss" entered on the track, she was clearly the horse with the longest legs. Frodo went to the $5 window and placed a bet "For Sam," he said. For good measure, he doubled the bet for himself.

The $150 which Frodo received for betting on "Miss Priss" had to be shared. On the way home, he stopped his motorcar at the grocery store and purchased a small steak. When he arrived at home, and after allowing Prissy and Gumbo to relieve themselves, he picked up the beagle-dachshund mix and placed a kiss directly on her mouth. She probably went to her grave wondering what exactly had triggered that outburst and the subsequent bed-time treat of juicy meat and bone.

Frodo recalls this story and his fondness for horse racing while he fears for the future of gallant Barbaro, Champion of the Kentucky Derby. Yesterday, while Frodo watched on television, he saw the highly-favored athlete pull up immediately at the starting gate at the Preakness at Pimlico. His back leg was broken in three places, and only the skill of his jockey averted a major disaster for the entire field.

Normally, Barbaro would've been "put down" on the racetrack, in front of everyone, because of the severity of such an injury. The physiology of a horse is such that in the area below the "knee," and above the "ankle," there is no muscle whatsoever. As a result, the flow of blood over multiple fractures is barely negligible. It is painful, and it nearly always results in life-threatening infection and death.

It is entirely understandable that inordinate effort be extended to save the life of a horse who had finished first in each of the six races he had run. The odds are long against Barbaro and the humans who work to save the life of this gifted athlete. Barbaro, believes Frodo, would have voted to accept the challenge. Should he lose, it would not be the result of a deficiency of will or of courage.

In Frodo's Heaven there are dogs, and there are horses. The presence of a soul is found in champions, of all kinds. Barbaro will run again with the wind, and Frodo will be at the pari-mutuel window, with Prissy.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Friday, May 19, 2006

Won't You Sing Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Guest Workers (2)"
To your left, dear reader, there is an alphabetical list of topics. Refresh your memory, and look back to what Frodo called "Nkosi."

Frodo discussed a book about a very special young man, and a very special human tragedy. The young man, you may recall, was born with the AIDS virus, and he died at an incredibly young age. In his short life he did a great deal to publicize the despair that was brought upon his people because, well, for a lot of reasons.

Nkosi was born of a people with a very strong family unit as part of their society. The family units began to disassemble because the agrarian lifestyle did not offer the economic opportunity which working in the diamond mines put forth. The diamond mines were far away, so the men left their families behind while they went to work as "guest workers." Frodo assumes, at this point, that his theme is about to become apparent.

The men lived in compounds with other men for long periods of time. Prostitution was, as it has always been, increasingly commonplace. Sexually-transmitted diseases of all kinds are a corollary. When the men did return to their families, they brought the diseases with them. The result being the thousands of children born to die at an early age, including the protagonist, and his Mother.

For the President of the United States to suggest that a "guest worker" program be implemented to provide greater economic opportunity to "Latinos" is an obscenity. It reflects his total unfamiliarity with the nature of the human tragedy in Africa, and points the way to a similar conflagration in the spread of disease, and the destruction of family units in the Latino societies. His assumptions reflect the closely-held input which shapes his public policy. It is an extremely dangerous and ill-advised direction.

Illegal immigration into the United States of America has meant that two things have been happening. First, entire families have, as the Joads of Oklahoma once did, uprooted themselves from their homes and sought new lives together. Secondly, they have been accompanied by extended family-members who share quarters and send resources back. Even in this illegal environment the family has remained as the focal point, in total contrast to Nkosi's family. As long as the family units remain intact, the violence and the social evils are lessened.

There is a true clear and present danger on the horizon. Bringing in "guest workers" does not connote their families coming with them. Any public policy which fosters such an environment creates a potential for a tragedy on a Biblical scale.

Perhaps it is time to read another old book, and to think about the plagues of the Old Testament. How ironic that the evangelical President should so tempt Fate? How Frodo wishes that George W. Bush could hear people cry.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dragons Live Forever, But Not So Little Boys
Mood:

sad
Topic: "Goodbye Kids (2)"
The sponsors included Tootsie Roll Pops and Bond Bread ("Helps Build Strong Bodies 8 Ways"--later upped to 12). The characters were Flub-a-Dub, Mr. Bluster, Chief Thunderthud, Princess Summerfallwinterspring, Dilly Dally, Buffalo Bob, Howdy Doody, and of course, Clarabelle. They performed every Saturday morning live from "Doodyville," in black-and-white, right there in front of the Peanut Gallery. Frodo was a regular in front of that tube, and he laughed with everyone else his age who wanted to spray soda water into the face of an evil sibling or two.

Frodo remembers so much of the show, not out of nostalgia, but because of the relevance that the nomenclature has on Middle Earth, even today. "Peanut Gallery" is a term that, if you listen long enough, will be heard almost every day in conversation. "Howdy Doody," as a reflection of a political leader whose strings are pulled by unseen forces, is particularly appropriate. Those formative years, for Frodo, included the magic of storytelling and imagination sprinkled with a dose of comedy and a number of clowns.

Frodo was not there to say "Goodbye Clarabelle" when Mr. Lew Anderson spoke the first and only words the mute character voiced at the end of the final show in 1960. Frodo had gotten too big to ride on that dragon's tail.

Mr. Anderson, age 84, died from prostate cancer earlier this week. Although he was not the first one to play that role (Bob Keeshan, later "Captain Kangaroo" was first), he was the last. The two words reflected in our Topic this evening were the only words to accompany the bicycle horns as communication tools.

Funny, it is, thought Frodo, that he feels badly about not watching that final show. It is as if
he walked away without saying "Thank You" to someone who had offered him the gift of laughter.

"Goodbye Clarabelle."

"Thank You."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Make Your Own Kind of Music, Sing Your Own Special Song
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "Commencement (2)"
The microphone was properly lowered and Frodo stepped up onto the stool conveniently hidden behind the lectern. He gazed about the audience and noticed the tassel swinging in front of his eyelids. He had never imagined that anything could be so distracting.

"Members of the 2006 Graduating Class of the College of the Shire, my name is Frodo Baggins. How do you do." With perfect inflection in that sentence, Frodo saw the attendees loosen to this speaker dressed in black. It was as if Johnny Cash had entered the room followed by the inmates of Folsom Prison.

"You are the generation who inherits the largest debt in the history of Middle Earth. On top of that you will be expected to support and care for the remnant of the largest population explosion in all history. It should also be noted that your college loans are now due and payable."

There was some snickering from the parents and guests. The students were not laughing.

"To the South there is a growing tide of socialist governments spawning class resentment against you, the wealthiest of all peoples. Across the sea there are those who control vast resources on which the indistries you are about to lead depend. They are uninhibited in their desire to drain your wealth and threaten your strandard of living. Scattered all about this planet are those who feel that you have disrespected their faith, and dishonored their societies. They are willing to die to cause you anguish."

The silence was deep. All attention was riveted on Frodo.

"You enter into a future that faces planetary limits on natural resources, sustenance, and space. The capacity to destroy nearly all of life rests in the hands of many, nearly all of whom are emotionally unreliable."

Frodo removed the mortar board from his head, and wiped his brow with the sleeve of his gown. He peered across the lectern just as he had seen Martin Luther King do so many times.

"Until this day, you have hidden behind your IPod and ignored the cries around you. You have yellow stickers on the trunks of the cars your daddies gave you, just to show that you 'support our troops'. Less than 1 of every thousand of you will join them. Some of you will leave this place and go to the City of Orleans to help people re-build their lives. Most of you are on you way to Cancun."

The College President and the faculty members were nervously avoiding eye contact with Frodo, and beads of sweat were on every forehead.

"You are no different in your disingenuous approach to the challenges you face than was Frodo when he walked through those doors behind you. The difference between us is that no one said that to Frodo. Somehow Frodo avoided the rice paddies, the violence in the streets, the resentment of those who wished him ill. Frodo has lived much longer than he ever figured he would, and for that he is grateful. He is happiest that it was in his time, and not in yours."

Frodo turned to the President of the College of the Shire, and smiled as he said, "And I am sure that the distinguished faculty is pleased that as I conclude my remarks," and he offered a long and pregnant pause, "I simply want you to know that despite the inventions, the discoveries, and yes, the creations of your generation, you will not offer even a dime's worth of difference as if you had merely walked out of these doors and just kept walking a la Forrest Gump."

"Sauron has the ring. For all his effort Frodo failed to keep you safe. You have no chance if you fail to destroy the evil about you. Frodo will continue to do all he can, but the task, fellow Hobbits is one you must complete."

Frodo stepped off the stool and shook the hand of Gandalf. The Fellowship was all about, and Frodo knew that the journey to Mount Doom was far from over.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:53 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Monday, May 15, 2006

Like a Dog Without a Bone
Mood:

hug me
Topic: "Bill and Hillary (2)"
Frodo noticed the lump while scratching the tummy of Mick, the Wonder Dog. Fatty lumps seem to occur with a great deal of frequency on good-sized male dogs, and Frodo knew that, but it didn't keep him from worrying. He held Sam's hand and guided it to the point where he had discovered the lump. Sam assured Frodo that since Mick, the Wonder Dog, was already due for "his shots," that taking him to the Vet's office would promptly put his mind at ease.

Mick and Fiona grew up together. Fiona was only six weeks old when she was adopted from a "No Kill" shelter, and she was quickly accepted by Frodo, Sam, and the marvelous Lovey. Lovey, also adopted from a shelter, had been spayed as the rules required, so Fiona was the closest thing she had ever had to a puppy, and she was a "handful" for an aging Border Collie. Mick, the Wonder Dog, is six months younger than Fiona, and he was brought into the Shire to take some of the "puppy pressure" off of Lovey, and to give Fiona a dose of her own medicine.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, was gangly and uncoordinated, but was always ready to scuffle with Fiona. The friendship grew concomitantly. Today, they are inseparable. When Fiona barks in distress, often for sheer devilment, Mick, the Wonder Dog, comes to her defense at full speed. When Mick, the Wonder Dog, barks an alarm, Fiona comes like an assault vehicle in pursuit of insurgent terrorists. They investigate together, they explore together, and they even take naps at the same time of day.

Sam told Frodo that Fiona was upset that Mick, the Wonder Dog, went into the Vet's office alone, and when he emerged back into the waiting motorcar she lit into him as if he had committed a Cardinal Sin. He is never to go into any situation without her to cover his butt. One never knows what a Vet may try to do when you are looking in another direction.

Sam reported that the Vet examined the lump and showed Sam the chart he keeps which marks any anomaly on Mick, the Wonder Dog. The lump was one of three, previously marked, that had shown little cause for concern since first they appeared.

Frodo had a bit of dust in his eye. So did Fiona.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EDT

Updated: Monday, May 15, 2006 9:42 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Sunday, May 14, 2006

And There Was Thunder, Thunder
Mood:

suave
Topic: "Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
Dogwood Energy was a seller of pellets for wood stoves until gasoline prices quadrupled under the divine leadership of George W. Bush. Now they market stills to be used as private distilleries for the production of ethanol, which is, as we will all soon know, nothing more than 190 proof grain alcohol (Frodo vaguely remembers a concoction called "Purple Passion," very vaguely). It should be noted that the assembly warehouse is less than five miles from the distillery that makes JACK DANIELS whiskey, and is smack dab in the middle of what was the center of the moonshine industry for over 100 years.

Each still stands about 6 feet tall, and costs about $1400 retail. It costs about 75 cents per gallon to make a gallon of grain alcohol (er, Frodo means ethanol). Adding ethanol to a gas tank that is 80% filled will therefore save a consumer approximately 60 cents per gallon for a full tank.

Any modern-day car can run on a mixture of 15 percent grain alcohol (darn, Frodo mis-speaks again, ethanol). More than 30 models of new "flex-fuel" trucks, SUV's, and autos can use up to 85 percent ethanol. In these instances, it is known as "E85."

The National Petroleum Institute is all for adding ethanol to gasoline, however they would prefer that it be "blended" by professionals. Although no customers have, as yet, reported accidents with the stills, safety considerations are the stated concern of the representatives of the oil companies.

Frodo senses a growing conspiracy. Purchasers of the stills need a federal permit to make grain alcohol (rats, there we go again, Frodo surely means ethanol or E85). In what amounts to an "honor system," the buyers are supposed to add poison to the "ethanol," so that it will not be "consumable." Frodo notes that grain alcohol sells for more than $5 per quart. Utilizing his abacus, Frodo feels that the production of grain alcohol would produce a greater potential economic return than would E85.

By the same token, the American Petroleum Institute is not looking to lessen the income of its membership. Frodo has this mind picture of the "Oil Police" chasing Robert Mitchum, who is driving a 1957 Chevy full of E85 in plastic jugs, through the hills of East Tennessee.

Frodo is noting that a lot of land that used to lay in tobacco is now in corn, apples, or sugar cane. Frodo wonders what part of the "economic recovery" this represents?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:37 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, May 16, 2006 11:54 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Thursday, May 11, 2006

You Can't Hide Your Lyin' Eyes
Mood:

loud
Topic: "Qwest For Truth (2)"
It is not an every day occurence when Frodo stands back and looks, admiringly, at artificial intelligence. In this case, an artificial entity, created for the purpose of doing business, has acted responsibly and in the public interest. The motivation, Frodo grants, may have been something other than pure honor, but the result is worthy of his respect. Tomorrow, should someone from Qwest Communications call Frodo and offer him the opportunity to switch his telephony services, he would suffer any financial hardship and do business with this server.

Sauron has rushed to defend another indefensible enhancement of executive authority. The information amassed under the latest abuse of power was gathered from Verizon, AT&T, and BellSouth (it should be noted that the latter two are in merger negotiations subject to Federal approval). Qwest was similarly approached to provide data and chose not to do so. It was the legal interpretation of those enacting in behalf of this articial creation that to do so would be in violation of the law.

"Law," said Frodo, "that is a very strange word, isn't it?" "It seems to carry the connotation that there is a determinant factor that goes beyond the individual judgment of any elected official, no matter what Supreme Entity has endowed that individual with authority."

Sauron, alas, has the ring. Gandalf, Aragorn and the Citizens of Middle Earth stand before the Black Gate, preparing to face the Orcs hand-to-hand. Frodo and Sam face Smeagol and every hardship in their ascent of Mount Doom. It is an ominous time. It is heartening when help comes from an unexpected source.

Thank you artificial entity known as Qwest Communications. You serve us all.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:26 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

She Had Bette Davis Eyes
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "Can She Name Them?(2)"
Wook Kundor of Malaysia got married this past week to Muhamad Noor Che Musa. Despite the importance of such a happy event in the lives of two people half-a-world away, Frodo would normally not have paid much attention to the news. He was struck however, by the fact that this was the 21st time that Ms. Kundor had been escorted down the aisle.

Additional analysis revealed another interesting statistic or two. Ms Kundor, it seems, is 104 years old. That certainly begged a question about whether or not her father gave the bride away? Frodo has been surfing the Internet for the last several days, unsuccessfully it should be noted, in order to determine what exactly is the status of husbands 1-20.

Mr. Musa, on the other hand, was being wed for the first time. That, really, is not very surprising since he is just 33 years of age. Frodo, in all due honesty, began to make a few assumptions about what motivated the happy couple to pursue nuptial bliss.

Mr. Musa stated that he found peace and a sense of belonging with his new bride, after first sympathizing with her for being childless, old, alone, and poor. "Mutual respect and friendship turned to love," he offered to reporters. "I am not after her money, she is poor."

After thinking about this for several minutes Frodo opined that Ms. Kundor-Musa must make a terrific "Mango Stew." Alternatively, she may have once been a member of the Malaysian Olympic Gymnastic Team.

Regardless, Frodo thinks that the finger of Ms. Kundor-Musa is an appropriate place to place a ring. May their time together be filled with happiness (as well as a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

On The Cover of The Rolling Stone
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
Frodo sat down with a piece of paper and a pencil. It was clear that he was trying to make a list and to interconnect the facts in that list in order to make a point. It was also clear that it was a very difficult task. Peering over his shoulder, some of the following could be observed:
"1. Number three guy quits after involvement in poker games where government employees were allowed to win in order to pay for hookers;"

"2. Guy fired by Goss will re-join in order to be top deputy of Hayden;"

"3. President gives word-for-word identical endorsement speech for Hayden that he gave for Goss two years ago;"

"4. Agency has no 'human intelligence' emanating from country that was targeted as a threat 27 years ago, and subsequently named by Bush as part of "Evil Axis';"

"5. Sign outside agency HQ in Langley carries wording 'George Bush Center for Intelligence';"

"6. Goss Top Deputy in Iraq when Boss announces 'Resignation';"

"7. Senator Chambliss from Georgia known as 'Rubberstamp' for his blind obedience to Bush publicly questions nomination of Hayden;"

"8. Hayden states that had the US utilized wiretap procedures against al Qaeda, prior to 9/11, tragedy might have been averted, but no one seems to wonder why we would've been utilizing domestic surveillance at all at that time;"

"9. Goss gave up secure House seat and Committee leadership in order to re-structure CIA."

Frodo slowly pushed his chair back from the table and began to walk around the room with the paper in his hand while the TV carried the continuing string of befuddling news from around the world. He stopped when he heard the talking head say that "The President responded to the questions of his 'best day' and his 'worst day' by noting that his 'best day' was when he caught a seven-and-a-half-pound largemouth bass in his lake in Crawford. He identified his 'worst day' as 9/11."

Frodo balled up the piece of paper and threw it at the TV.

The Men of Gondor and the Riders from Rohan continue to stand before the Orcs. They have done so longer than the UN face-off against the Chinese Communists in the Korean War. They have been there almost as long as the United States remained at War with the Germans in World War II. 75% of these men believe they should withdraw by year's end.

The President believes resolution will come with his successor.

Maybe Dick Cheney should take Bush on a quail hunt?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:23 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Newer | Latest | Older

«	May 2006					»

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30	31